We had a few final days at the cottage before having to head home.
As much as we enjoyed our time there, I was ready to come home.
We had to get home a touch early as the boys were departing for their vacation with their Dad: 1 week in Florida with him and then a week in Florida with their grandparents.
It will be the longest time apart from them for me: 16 days. Brutal.
I remember initially after my divorce, I would cry when I wouldn’t see them over night. They were just babies! Those were the loneliest nights of my life. Then the first time they went away for a week – I was so devastated. I went to Vegas with some good friends as a distraction and had a great time, but I missed them intensely.
Now, I will miss them, but you somehow have to get used to it. That’s the deal with divorce. People often say to you “I could never be without my kids” as if somehow alluding to the fact that they are different than you. I usually say nothing, because the reality is in divorce, there is no option. I could never be without my kids either but that does not factor into the equation. So, I got through early years with a lot of tears and distractions, and now, even though my heart aches, I know it is temporary and I can count down the days. I also have more than just “distractions” in my life – I have a great hubby and amazing skids – who share in feeling a little sad when part of our family is missing.
But this reminds me of the fact that the day will come, when my kids and skids just don’t come “home” anymore, they will only come to visit.
The other reason we came home early was to attend the wedding of these gorgeous people:
My little cousin Daniel and his beautiful bride, Cheryl. They are supermodel beautiful and it was a really nice wedding. It was so nice to catch up to my extending Busing family.
My Mom is the eldest of 6 and each sibling had 2-3 kids each. Most of those kids now have branched off with families of their own so it gets harder and harder to get everyone in one place. Weddings always provide a nice opportunity to catch up with everybody. We all have such a good time together – and all say “we need to get together more often!”.
Last night’s wedding was particularly interesting – because I am getting older.(And maybe more emotional?!)
I remember when Dan was born; I remember talking to this shy, cute little kid. I remember when he was the age that my kids are now. And that is scary. Because it feels like yesterday, and now he is married.
I listened to my aunt talk about Dan in her wedding speech and know that the stories she shared, to her, feel like just yesterday. That those same stories she was telling, are the actual adventures that I am living now with my kids (or are to occur in the next couple of years – there always seem to be a lot of stories about the teen years!).
It takes my breath away to think about how quickly time flies.
Then I start to panic – “Am I cherishing every moment? Am I maximizing my time with my kids? Am I preparing them in the best way possible? Am I being the best Mom and Smom that they need? Are they going to needs tons of therapy because of the things I do or don’t do?!”
I spent so much time dreaming about being a Mom when I was younger, and had all sorts of images and ideals in my head. Then I had these babies and it felt like that time would last forever.
I remember being really panicked while getting divorced – and quite resentful – that the divorce was distracting me from being with my young toddlers, where I really wanted to devote all my attention. I remember one night making a very conscious decision that I would NOT allow the divorce to rob me of the precious “little guy” years that I had with my boys. I had to just have faith that one day I would be “OK” – so I should not worry about that and just enjoy all the special moments. And I’m glad I was able to do that. Although there is still a bittersweetness to a lot of my memories of the boys’ early years – having to do and see so many milestones on my own – I’m glad I made those memories.
And that is just it. Every memory that was recounted during the wedding speeches, was a memory that was made. Lots of things just happen, but we can choose to make things happen too. We can choose to make traditions, choose to take time off, choose to read a bed time story, choose to snuggle, choose to play a game, choose to make cookies etc. and all these little moments create the memories that get recited on the wedding day.
I am creating the memories right now that will one day get recited at one of my kid’s weddings! That is exciting and overwhelming all at the same time. Makes me realize how important it is to live right in the present moment and appreciate all the joys and adventures we are living now as all these rascals grow into the wonderful people they were destined to become.
Even though Rob and I spend much time without our children due to being divorced (which is good and bad – but we choose to focus on the good!!), we know that the time when they are with us is even more precious. In general, as parents, we have such a short period of time to spend with our children creating memories, teaching and guiding them, laughing and sharing in their everyday lives (and then with the effects of divorce, our time is even cut shorter) that we don’t want to waste second of it! One day we will be up there giving speeches using the stories that we are living right now!
Please someone remind me of this “special time we are living in” the next time I hear a little back talk or get hauled into the teacher’s office for a chat….