This past Sunday was Zandra’s surprise dinner. We made some homemade pizza, and this very very yummy lemon lime pie (forever to be known as Zandra’s Triple Citrus Pie)!. That for sure was a keeper – will post recipe. Wish I had a picture but it was gobbled up so quickly!
I ALSO wish I took a picture while we were cooking – but again – a miss! But it was a miss because we were having such darn good conversation! The boys were out, and it was just us, chatting away. Chatting about life. Chatting about boys. Chatting about divorce and home life. Chatting about growing up. Chatting about liking skim milk – but LOVING chocolate (that is our own little inside joke and code!).
While we were chatting, we were talking about love and really deep things.
I can’t imagine what it must be like for a child to live through a divorce. So confusing. Because, you want to know that YOU were loved when you were born and that your parents were happy when you were born. That YOU were not responsible for the divorce. And you likely create a scene in your mind about what could have been had your parents just stayed together.
Rob and I are pretty amazingly happy – but it is hard for the kids to understand why THEIR parents could not have been happy – just like we are. Could they just not have tried harder? It is complex – and there are no real answers (and if you think you have the answer, then you likely haven’t walked in these shoes). My answer to them is that people bring out different things in different people. People love each other in different ways. Sometimes, people just aren’t the best together.
I thought of the movie Nights in Rodanthe (see – it comes up often) – when the mother explains to her daughter her feelings of this man (Richard Gere) she falls in love with after her marriage ends with her daughter’s father (make sense?):
“I know you’ve only ever known your father and me. And I love Jack, because he is your father. But there’s another kind of love, Amanda. One that gives you the courage to be better than you are, not less than you are. One that makes you feel that anything is possible. I want you to know that you could have that. I want you to hold out for it”.
I love this quote – because it is so true. There are different levels of love. When you marry someone, you need to hold out for the kind of love she is talking about. BUT, you also need to be a certain kind of person too; one filled with love, adoration, compromise and respect for the person you are with. You need to be unwaveringly (is that a word?) faithful, true, honest, and unselfish. If you aren’t then that can drive a wedge between any relationship.
That is what I want for you Zandra – B (when you are much much older!). Hold out for that one who makes you be better than you already are. One that makes you feel that anything is possible. One that respects and adores you all the time.
(Ya know – chocolate milk).