Over the past few weeks, we have had some experiences where the statement “It’s complicated” has entered the conversation.
The first time it was uttered, was when Rob was having a heated conversation about a situation his children had been witness to that he was not happy about. His kids had witnessed multiple very dysfunctional and highly inappropriate episodes between a couple and he was expressing concern and, well, anger, about his kids being subjected to the scenes. The person had responded that they felt badly too that the kids had been exposed to this behaviour, however had explained to the kids that the relationship was “complicated” and that is why the behaviour happened. You know, relationships are “complicated”.
The next scenario was one where Rob was being asked to do something at work that he didn’t feel was quite on board with what he felt was right. The person was trying to convince him to do something, and it was getting more and more “complicated”. “I know it’s complicated, but it might work” was what he was being sold.
The last scenario was again a situation where Rob was being asked to come up with a solution to a big problem someone else was having. The real solution to the problem was actually quite easy, but it would be hard to face and mean someone had to take some serious accountability and it would not be pleasant to do so. So, we were racking our brains and trying to come up with alternative scenarios and nothing seemed to work. Everything was so complicated. Finally I said, “It’s never going to work and it feels so complicated, because it just isn’t right. We can’t get around the “right” solution”.
This got me thinking.
Is “complicated” representative of just plain “not right”?
So, I googled “complicated relationships” and what does that mean?
Unfortunately the consensus is “It’s complicated” in relation to a relationship status basically means the same thing as “Almost single”. Things are complicated because one person is more vested in a relationship than another. Or one person is betraying another, or one person wants out, or wants something different. Complication occurs when there is lying, cheating, deceit, dishonesty, disinterest, an unequal balance, a power struggle. Things get complicated when you try to force something that is not meant to be, or cover something up.
Now that is not to say that there are no complications in daily life! Scheduling is complicated. Arranging car pools, activities, Christmas dinners, holidays, vacations can all be complicated.
But when a relationship is complicated?? Is the relationship really then worth it? I read a great blog post here that asked a similar question. Is a complicated relationship worth the investment? Maybe you just need to have a taste of an uncomplicated relationship to see how beautiful – and possible – that can be (without the complications).
When solutions to problems are so complicated – could it be that they are just the wrong ones?
I’m starting to think “It’s complicated” is not a good thing to hear. I’m having a hard time thinking of “complicated things” that are really worth it?
Maybe “complication” is there because it is the warning sign for us to RUN!!
Anyone? Or is it too complicated?