I’m not a person who has a lot of enemies.
I’m not a person who has a whole huge group of friends either.
I have some very close friends and then I have some friends in various circles; my work friends, my neighborhood friends, my Mom friends, my church friends, my old friends, my “kids play on the same team” friends, and now, my blogger friends. Not that I lump them into distinct, unchangeable categories – some cross over into my “very close friend” circle, but there are friends who I relate to on different levels.
But, I pretty much can get along with anyone. Sure, I may not be everyone’s favourite, but rarely do I come across someone who truly does not like me.
Until I married Rob.
With the “Rob deal” came an amazing man, 3 kids, and a woman that hates me.
Could the deal not have come with a side of fries instead?
Ok, his ex has never come out and said she hates me. But, since I’m big on quotes, the “actions speak louder than words” quote is the one that is ingrained in me.
And the actions speak volumes.
Have you ever pulled up in front of your house to have someone standing on your steps and completely ignore you? Act as if you are invisible? Completely ignore your “own” kids?
I guess technically we have moved past that in the past few months to getting an icy stare with a stone faced “hello”.
I mean, you are standing on my doorstep after all.
And, whether you like it or not, I am the second most influential woman in your children’s life. I am with your children a full 50% of the time, after all.
Honestly, you’d think that I had done the most unimaginable to her. You’d THINK that I had stepped in, stolen her husband, forced him to divorce her and marry me instead. Then, I could understand where the the hostility was coming from.
Nope. I met Rob after they had split. And let’s just say their split was colourful, and while both have to take responsibility for their marital collapse, she was the one who chose to move on first. And, she’s still with the person she chose to be with!
So why the heck does she have a problem with me? In her eyes, I technically took her leftovers, her unwanted discards, the spoiled, rotten food from the back of the fridge…(sorry babe, not sure if you will like this description.)
Unless of course she finally has realized that she got it all wrong. He’s the best meal around. Like award winning, mouthwatering, gourmet, melt in your mouth, kinda meal. With the scrumptious dessert following. And then more.
Anyhow, I have tried to understand. I have tried to not let it bug me. I have tried to ignore it.
I have even tried to reach out to her.
Last year when Sam was hospitalized, as I talked about here, I was so torn about going to the hospital as I knew she would be there and didn’t want to deal with the “awkwardness.” Using 10-10-10, I decided to go anyways, as this was about Sam – not her.
Shortly following his hospital stay, I sent her an email.
In it, I explained that I felt my boys have been given such a gift from Rob and my ex – the gift of peace, a sense of belonging, a drama free relationship and permission to love both men in their lives – their Father, and their Stepfather. I wanted to do the same for my stepkids and offer them that same gift.
In the email, I also acknowledged that I had made many mistakes over the past 5 years with her – maybe crossed some lines, said some inappropriate things, made some judgements. These stemmed from my own insecurities, my own weaknesses and my own issues. I’m not perfect. I’ve never been a Stepmom before and never have had to deal with an ex wife. So mistakes were made. I apologized.
I suggested we try to put the past aside and move on. I suggested we spend some time getting to know each other on an individual basis. I didn’t want to talk about her relationship with Rob, or try to be a mediator, but maybe WE could find some common ground.
Realistically, I knew she wouldn’t respond.
But when you hate to be hated, you wait for a response anyways.
It’s been 10 months.
I’m not sure if I should still expect a response??
I’m guessing no.
As time goes on, I’m beginning to see that it doesn’t matter if I get a response or not (ok it totally does, especially when you hate to be hated, but let’s just pretend it doesn’t for a minute).
I have held out the olive branch. I have apologized for my wrongdoings. I have made an attempt to get to know the most important woman in my stepchildren’s lives. I have done what I can do.
But I still hate that I’m hated.
Please tell me there are people out there who hate you too.