10 Years ago

Today’s prompt from Rx Fitness Lady’s Blog challenge: Throwback Thursday: “Ten Years”

10 years ago.

Not the year I would have chosen as a flashback!
Although one of the best days of my life occurred on February 7, 2003 when my boy, known for several years as “Baby Josh”,  entered into this world, kicking and screaming. He didn’t stop screaming the whole year. And I’m not joking.

Zach was almost 19 months when Josh was born and was a big help. He loved “his baby”, and often tried to get him to stop crying (and also tried to suffocate him with a blanket – I caught that one on video. He also tried to roll him off the bed, and I have the cutest picture of him reaching out to do it – but then had to drop the camera to stop the actual transgression!)
I was off work for the whole year, which was so awesome to get to spend those special days with both my boys. Unfortunately, Toronto was hit by the SARS epidemic so the city shut down and formal activities were cancelled, but we still found enough to do! Lots of walking, long days in the park, and just hanging out at home. Special memories.  
We also spent the early months of Josh’s life travelling back and forth to Montreal, as my father was diagnosed with cancer and not given much time to live. 
It was bittersweet – having a newborn child, and losing my father. But being on mat leave meant I was able to spend hours and days and weeks at his bedside. I was there right up until the second he took his last breath. It was a privilege, but a very difficult time.
The summer brought the famous black out that hit Toronto and much of the Northeastern States. It was a big deal as one of my best friends was getting married that weekend and so the blackout was wreaking havoc on the plans! It was a sign of things to come I guess, as she ended up divorcing 2 years later at the exact same time as me.
The fall brought more grief than I even care to remember. Put it this way, the greatest marital betrayal that can ever occur, was confirmed late one night.  I struggled to stay afloat, to take care of my babies, to mourn the loss of my father and support my mother. I also chose to stay in a marriage that I likely  should have left – with promises of change and new beginnings. It was a decision that haunted me in the years to come, especially when my marriage ended 2 years later.

By winter, I was determined to make Josh’s first Christmas a great one, and succeeded. Zach spent this Christmas as an excited 2 year old. I spent it torn up by loss and grief, but struggled to keep it all together with a hope towards a new year.

Who knew that 10 years later I would be writing this post. That I’d be in such a different place; in such a good place. My father must have been on the edge of his seat watching these 10 years unfold in my life – seeing me walk through the darkest valleys, but climb the highest peaks, and end up in a place far more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

I’m so grateful for the gift and the power of time.


10 Years ago — 27 Comments

  1. Leah, the ending gave me chills and don’t doubt your father watched might have even had a part in where you are today (ye sI believe in this and hope that doesn’t sound too crazy). And love how your life has turned out so well. All deserved by the way. I do remember the blackout, because I live in NY and we had it here, too. Kevin and I were just dating a little over a month. I had family from out of state visiting and we all stayed up playing card by candle light! It was definitely a bit crazy, but fun, too.

  2. What an amazing journey …..
    I am so happy for you.
    Beautiful family picture…that baby josh is one handsome guy….he looks so grown up. Tell him he is gorgeous from me:)

    Glad your Dad is looking over you and is your angel…that is really beautiful. He must feel so proud of you and happy for you.

  3. Oh man Leah! I’m typing through tears. What a year for you, all those years ago!!! I lost my mom to cancer when I was 17. It’s the most unbearable thing to lose a parent. When I was three months pregnant with the twins, my MIL died of pancreatic cancer. Needless to say, it was a very difficult time and an emotional roller coaster.
    I loved when you wrote how your dad must have been on the edge of his seat watching to see how these last ten years unfolded for you. No doubt, wherever he is, he’s amazed by your strength and determination. I know I am! Thank you for writing this.

    • I’m so sorry for your loss – losing your Mom at 17 must have been the hardest thing ever:((( I am sure she is watching over you , in awe of everything that you have accomplished!

  4. Losing my dad earlier this year on top of “everything else” kind of felt like a last straw for me at the time. I can 100% feel the despair of what that time must have felt like for you – even with the joy of a new baby. It also makes me thrilled to see where your life is now – with all of the joy and good things. xo

    • I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s already a difficult time for you, losing your Dad must have felt like the last straw. I’m sure he is watching over you and looking forward to all the adventures in store for you!

  5. I love that family picture – everyone looks so natural and happy and it shines with joy. It’s amazing what you have suffered through and survived. Life is the ebb and flow of ups and downs and if you can make it through the rough spots, you get to experience some amazing stuff. You have a lot to be proud of!

  6. Sometimes when I think back to the past, I feel like I am looking at myself from outside my own body – like I am looking at a different me. And I guess that makes sense, because I am not the person that I am remembering anymore; things have changed, time has moved on.

    Your father is proud of you. 🙂

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