Quote of the Week

“The companion of agency is always accountability .”

The ability to make choices is such a gift. The freedom to do what we want, when we want, how we want.

But with that freedom and agency comes accountability.

And that is hard to take sometimes.

I see my kids begging for the freedom, which we try to give them. But then they are turning around and having to deal with the accountability, which is not always so fun.

It helps to think ahead about the accountability that is tied to that particular act of agency. But sometimes thinking ahead is even just a little too hard….


Comments

Quote of the Week — 6 Comments

  1. I have read your blog several times as i am also a stepmother, but we only have 1 and he is 50/50 with both families. But the struggle always is in our house that i cannot ask him to do anything or help out or earn his allowance but yet my husband puts no boundries or guidelines in place.. all day video games, homework not done, no chores done. I grew up with my much older aunt & uncle and had lots of responsibilities, but this also helped me out when i moved out on my own for last year of high school and made me who i am today. And i have worked very very hard for all i have, my hubby came from a wealthy TO family and had no responibilies etc and family and he was the baby. So kid is now going on 14 and has had no responsiblites put into place but will soon want that responsiblity/freedom of being in high school. What do i do, just let my husband suffer the consqequeces and wash my hands or just keep fighting every other week with both hubby and child and making our house not that fun. But i want the kid to learn you get what you earn and it is not always handed to you. It has now been 9 years of me fighting the good fight.

    • Thanks for your comment! I feel for you. Being a stepmom is by far one of the hardest roles out there I think! It is incredibly difficult if you do not have the support of your husband. I think that is key. It’s near impossible to impose restrictions on a child if their biological parent (your partner – not talking about his biological mother – as there are often so many more issues around that) is not in agreement. That is the place to start. And maybe it’s not convincing him that what you are trying to do is the “right way”, but getting him to understand that even though you are *only* a stepmom, this child lives with you 50% of the time in YOUR home, so needs to be following some of YOUR rules. Rules, that you feel strongly in the end, will be good for him. It does not matter if you gave birth to him or not. You want to eat in my house? You help with the dishes. If your husband does not support you, then I would not engage in the battle, as it is a battle you will for sure lose, sadly. You may want to gently encourage your hubbby to read some books like “The Price of Privilege” – which talks about this whole generation of over priviledged kids who are hurt by being given too much… It is such a hard balance. In the end, often we have to sit back and let the kids figure it out for themselves. Sometimes we hurt them more by providing them with too much of a safety net. Good luck – and thanks for stopping by!

  2. I think there are times that we all wish for a little less freedom because it is hard to be accountable sometimes. I know that with our oldest son this year has been a balance – we have given him lots of freedoms but we also expect a lot:)
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