“One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside each and every person. He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One wolf is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. And the other wolf is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson though about it for a minute and then looked up and asked his grandfather: ‘Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
You might have noticed I have been a bit absent in blogging world. I have been missing my blog – and missing yours too!
But the last few weeks , we have been in survival mode dealing with everyday busyness of life – and then dealing with some very intense issues with Rob’s ex.
I wish I had a decent relationship with her. I wish Rob had a decent relationship with her. Life for my 3 amazing step kids would be so much better. It’s been years and YEARS since their parents split and they STILL have to deal with this. C’mon. Seriously.
When I read this quote, it became abundantly clear why this drama is still ongoing.
Rob and I are choosing to feed very different wolves than his ex is.
Whatever wolf you choose to feed does take over. It takes over in all areas of your life. The wolf accompanies you everywhere like a dark cloud, or a sunshiny person. You know those people, right? You feel the darkness and want to run from them, or you feel their light and are drawn to share the warmth of the sunlight with them.
Darkness or light? Which one do you prefer?
I’ll let you in on a secret—- where there is light, there can never be darkness.
As much as Rob’s ex is trying to destroy what we have created, belittle it, make fun of it, fight it, criticize it, (and ironically, copy it), and as many lies as she can tell, situations she can manipulate, ways she can try to villainize him and victimize herself, she will never win.
Sure, she can spend all her time and money going after petty things and even make stuff up to make herself feel better, and feel justified doing so at that expense of her own children, but she will never gain the satisfaction she is looking for.
We are not perfect. We have made many mistakes along this complicated path. We have admitted and apologized for those mistakes. We will continue to make mistakes, I’m very sure. And so will she.
But we have chosen which wolf we will feed. We have chosen to cling to each other even more. We have chosen to commit to being an even better partnership and family. We have chosen to fight the darkness this time with a vengeance, and we have chosen to let this situation be a great stepping stone rather than an obstacle.
We have chosen light.
And light always prevails over darkness.
Off to feed those beautiful wolves.
Hopefully will be back soon.
Xo
You definitely do have light and have no doubt in my heart that you and your family will persevere this and so much more as long as you do keep the faith.
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Missing your blog, but I figured something was up. Or just in general, life happens.
Sorry that she’s letting the darkness try to overshadow your light. As you know, it just isn’t possible in a world with light and love.
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So sorry that you have to deal with issues like that! Good that you and your husband are completely united in what you want to accomplish.
Sad that she has to be that way because the people who suffer are the kids (I grew up with a mom who literally hated my dad after they were divorced and she made sure that we all knew it – it wasn’t, and still isn’t good.).
I am sorry that you are having to deal with all this drama but it doesn’t surprise me to see that you handling with grace. I love that quote because it is so true. We do become which ever wolf you feed. While I am not perfect and there are moments where I slip and feed the dark wolf, I can’t imagine feeding the dark wolf continually. What an unhappy place to be stuck. You and your husband are doing a great job raising your blended family together. Your home is obviously filled with love and support and that is what your kids will remember … because it’s what you feed them.
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It’s so true. We do choose which wolf we feed. Sorry you’ve been going through a hard time. You just keep on choosing light over darkness. That wins out every time. –Lisa
Missing your blog and you… finding myself in a painfully similar boat, although with us, it’s my ex that causes the problems. Hopefully we’ll both be back to blogging regularly soon!
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I have been missing you, Leah. I’m sorry you’ve had to step back because of all the drama. I hope things settle down soon, but in the meantime, sending a little extra light your way.xoxo
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Oh Leah–I deal with some of the same stuff you do–except my ex and my husband’s ex are best friends. We’ve had 2 of our kids be manipulated by them to come live exclusively with them (my daughter and my step-son). We’ve had to deal lately with one parent moving 5+ hours away without telling us (with our step-son–his 3rd high school in 3 years) while he’s been told to keep it a secret–and this isn’t the first time she’s moved like this. My ex and his friends filed complaints with our town about us, my husband’s ex called CPS and falsely accused us of neglect and abuse (all thrown out, but needless waste of time, money, and energy). In the meantime it is the kids who suffer the most. They are a pawn in a very selfish game. I look at it as child abuse. I don’t see why parents can look at other adults and say to themselves, “I’m happy my child has even more love in their lives” instead of being threatened and jealous by it. Anyway, I know what you’re going through and I like the way you’re choosing to handle it. I liken these things to a tug-of-war game. It’s not a game anymore if you let go of the rope. For some reason, she’s still trying to create drama–which is probably a great distraction for her because then she doesn’t have to face her “real” pain and abandonment issues. This too shall pass…I try to keep an image of myself as the parent these kids need in their lives. I am not their best friend, I am their healthy parent role model. You’re gonna come out fine from this–and I bet the kids will too. You have, it sounds like, lots of great support in your husband.
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Light does prevail. I’m sorry you are going through this tough time, Leah. I hope things are getting better for you and your family.
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I am so sorry! Please know I am thinking of you and hoping things get better for you all. Doesn’t she realize it’s the kids that suffer in this? Unfortunately it sounds like its all about her.
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