When Gabe graduated grade 8 middle school, the principal got up and gave a speech.

I know I’ve talked about this speech before because it really bothered me.

He told all these young middle schoolers that they have a “right to be happy”. He included it with some rights that I do believe children have: like a a right to a safe environment.

But a right to be happy? Like happiness is a final destination that they have a right to?

I wish he had chosen his words more carefully and let these middle schoolers know that they have a “right to choose happiness, to seek happiness, to go on a journey to find happiness”.

I felt like he was setting them all up for disappointment.

It still makes me cringe when I think of it. (Same way I cringe when I hear parents say they just want their kids to be happy).

I am a huge fan of Brooke Castillo and the Life Coach School. One of my most favourite concepts that she teaches is the 50% rule.

Essentially, she teaches that life is good 50% of the time, but the other 50% is not so great.

Now these percentages may vary here and there (60/40, 70/30, 55/65), but essentially what she is trying to say is to stop trying to fight the bad. Accept that it is there – it’s part of life. It’s actually the part that helps us progress, grow and develop. And it likely will be about 50% of the time.

If we accept that, then we actually spend less time worrying about being unhappy. We all know about the struggles that you can have when you feel unhappy and then you feel unhappy about being unhappy… it adds extra unhappy layers.

But if we feel low and just recognize it is what it is, “oh it’s part of my 50% unhappy”, we don’t have to add the extra misery layers.

The 50% rule can be applied to everything really. Most relationships, jobs, activities. When we expect things to be 90/10 or expect things to be perfect, we end ups being disappointed – and more unhappy.

I know it’s a concept that many people resist. I personally have found it very helpful as it “normalizes” some of the challenges I have – and helps me be able to get through those times and grow. It helps me feel less “woe is me, poor me” when something goes astray – it’s just part of my bad 50%.

Most importantly, I find it really helps me appreciate the good 50%. This is a struggle for me. Rob gave me a key chain at Christmas that says “Enjoy the journey”. I’ve been trying to work hard at doing that, as I’ve always enjoyed it, but then had the fear in the back of my mind that “this is too good to be true, things are going to go off course any moment” which causes me to not enjoy where I am at.

The fact is, things will likely go off course – 50% of the time. And that is ok. It’s part of my 50-50.

I can always choose happiness, but it’s ok to know that a good chunk of my life won’t be all roses, sunshine and lollipops. A good chunk of my life will be hard, sad or messy. And that is ok.

A good chunk of my children’s lives will be hard, sad and messy too. And that is also ok. It allows them the opportunity to grow, learn, develop. It allows them to build resilience, effective coping skills, and character. They need to have the 50% bad – just like I do. I want them to be happy. But I want them to have even more than that too – I want them to know that they can have a beautiful life even when they aren’t always happy. They can thrive even with the 50% rule.