The Last Time Poem
From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.
You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.
But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.
One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.
One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.
The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.
So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them
and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.
-Author Unknown-
I am very aware right now of how many last times I am experiencing right now with my kids.
Not just the ones that are leaving at the end of summer, although I am acutely aware of those times.
But even with my littles.
Soon it will be the last middle school graduation we will have – with Sam. I remember sitting at our first graduation ever (Gabe’s grade 6 grad) and counting how many I would go to. It seemed so many at the time. Now, we are nearing the end….
Soon, I won’t be in the driver’s seat with Josh – I’ll be the passenger.
Last night was the last school concert for Zandra (and she had a solo and was amazing and it made me teary).
This is my last Mother’s Day where the boys crawl in bed with me and we go on a bike ride.
We’ve already had our last Christmas, our last Valentine’s meal, our last Easter egg hunt, our last family vacation as just 7 – at least the “last” of the ways we’ve always things.
And yes, I know, we will make new traditions. We will create new ways to celebrate things and my heart will fall in love with those new ways.
I vividly remember the last night as a single mom where the boys and I slept in our home on Garnock together. I remember sitting at the top of the stairs, saying good bye to “Garnock” and daydreaming what the future would hold.
That future turned out better than I could have ever imagined it would be.
But I was still sad to have the last time.
Rob gave me a locket that night – to carry the memories of my time as a single mom with the boys. (I knew that a gift like that came from a true treasure of a man – understanding that my sadness and nostalgia had nothing to do with the love and excitement I felt for him and our future).
So it’s kind of like that now. My sadness and nostalgia now at all the last times with my growing family have nothing to do with the excitement, pride, and love I feel for the future: the future memories, the future family members, the future relationships, the future adventures. All good. All exciting. All will be embraced and adored. Many amazing things are just starting to happen….
But right now, I feel I’m spending a bit of time cherishing the last times. Taking many pictures with my heart. Blinking back the tears for the ordinary moments that I will miss. Experiencing thin moments that would seem ridiculous to some. I’m a suck, I know.
But at least this is not the last time that I will be a suck. Many more times for that:)
