In case you missed my last post explaining our background with being members of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, you can get up close and personal and read it here…

In case you don’t want that level of detail, I’ll restate a few things here….

Over the years this blog has become more of a journal and record of my family. I document our vacations, holidays, special events, plus the every day things including what quote is hanging in our kitchen, and our monthly snaps of life (which my kids are having to send me now since I have more kids living outside our home than within!)

I forget that some people read along and may not know us personally and/or may not understand this whole “mission” stuff I’ve been talking about. So it must seem quite odd?!

Even one of my closest friend – who’s known me for over 25 years has been asking me questions! She had questions from other people who have asked her so I figured I should clarify.

Now some people might think they know all about missions because – well – have you not seen “The Book of Mormon – The Musical?” You know, one of the most popular musicals on Broadway – that has hit every major city with sold out shows? It tells the true story about two young Mormon Missionaries in Africa? Right?

Wrong.

Truth be told, I have not seen it. I have no interest in seeing it. I have heard lots about it – and how it mocks and misrepresents so many aspects of my religion – including making fun and light of missionaries. It boggles my mind that shows like that can sell out in a world climate that is supposed to celebrate diversity and increased tolerance and respect for – everyone! I can’t help but wonder what would happen if there was a musical made misrepresenting, exaggerating and mocking some aspects of being Jewish (which if you read my up close and personal post you will know my ancestry is Jewish) or Muslim- or pretty much any other religion? Would there not be an outcry? And yet, let’s go have a good laugh at the Mormons.

Anyway. I digress! Everyone is free to watch what they want for their entertainment purposes (but please when you are watching it – substitute the word “Jew” or “Muslim” and see if it is still as funny)

And for the sake of being clear (I didn’t get into this in my up close and personal post), the term Mormon is a nicknames that has been used for many years – and while it is by no means offensive, in recent years, we have been asked by our Prophet (President of our Church) to refer to ourselves by our proper name : as members of “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints” to really let people know that we DO believe in Christ (to help clear the misconception “that we are not Christians” up). Christ is the centre of our lives and our religion. So that’s why you might see people now say the big long name rather than the nickname:)

Ok – now I’m really back on track.

So Zach decided to serve a two year mission for our Church and was called to serve in the Tahiti Papeete mission (where my father served – also talked about in my previous post). He left August 21 to go to one of the 7 language training centres in the world( I think they are shutting one down though so there will be 6). While there, he will spend 6 weeks learning French and 3 weeks learning Tahitian. Mixed in with the language learning, they also do religious study – where they learn more and study in depth about the Bible, and other books we believe are Scripture – including the Book of Mormon – which we believe is another testament of Jesus Christ. They study these books in their native language and in any language that they will be speaking on the mission (so for Zach, in French and Tahitian). It’s a pretty intense period of learning and study for them. While in the MTC they also have time for exercise daily. They live a very strict schedule – getting up early, having time to study on their own, with their companion (more on that later – but basically like their roommate and buddy that they do everything with) and then about 6 hours of group language classes a day. They also practice their language – practice teaching lessons and having conversations with people who know the language and volunteer their time to help out. They of course have their meals and they have some down time in the evenings before bed.

(Zach and his companion, Elder Davis):

From what Zach says, it is completely exhausting. His brain is exploding with new info! All that language and new learning. They get a ton of packages sent from over zealous Moms who want to make sure their babies know they are loved and they all share their goods! Every week, they also get a day off (P-day – stands for Preparation Day) – where they get to prepare all their day to day needs for the week so this is the time they do their shopping and laundry (and cleaning, lol) , and communicate with family back home and email friends. They usually do some type of fun, or touristy activity (once they leave the MTC) and more exercise.

(This is a Canadian version of an overzealous Mom sending along some Canadian (and other) snacks for them to have:)

But it is strict. There are rules and one questions that gets asked all the time, and I chose it as the first question to answer is:

Why all the crazy number of rules and why so strict???

Good question. Some of the rules/guidelines, truth be told, I don’t even understand fully. (And note that the MTC is super strict…every mission area has some of the same rules/guidelines, and then they do have their own rules too that are mission specific.)

I do know that there are 65,000 young men and women around the world that are missionaries and so they need to run a pretty tight ship to make sure things go smoothly. And, of course, you always have to cater to the lowest common demoninator and after years and years of running missions around the world, they see the need for certain rules based on their experiences with missionaries. Of course, to some, the rules seem silly or outdated (Zach has found a couple – and argued about one, lol) and sometimes maybe they are there out of tradition and culture (and hopefully will change – as we do see mission rules change here and there). However, others are a matter of safety and/or liability to consider too. They want to keep these kids as safe as they possibly can be because there are 65,000 families out there that are counting on them being watched over (every mission has an older couple who oversee the mission and are like surrogate parents to these kids while they are on their mission) and return home safely.

(These are the 14 missionaries that will be leaving October 21 to head to Tahiti where they will serve with 140 others!)

Another huge reason for all the rules – is due to the reason they are out on missions in the first place… If you choose to go on a mission (and yes, it is a choice – although I think culturally and in some families there may be a stronger push than others), your main purpose is to serve others and not focus on your own life.

I quote from Zach’s mission farewell talk:

“At home, most things I do are for me. Every single day. I study so that I can have the knowledge, get good grades and get into the school or program I want. I work so that I can have money. I go out because that’s what I like to do. I want to do something to help others. It may be a long time that I put off the things for me, like schooling and work, but it’s not about me. I want to help others. To potentially bring people happiness with what has brought me happiness, Jesus Christ and the Gospel , and to just serve and love and be selfless. I want some time in life where I can forget myself, and simply serve others. This is that time for me and that opportunity.”

So, kids know going in they are asked to leave behind their concerns, worries, worldly things, friendships, intimate relationships, schooling, and jobs and focus solely on the people they are serving and their own personal development (especially spiritually). They don’t want them going on a mission – going to lands far away – and being distracted by things back home. So they ask them to leave all the drama behind. And they make it easier for them to focus, by having some pretty strict rules follow – who they can be with (no dating or intimate relations in the mission years ), and what outside influences they are exposed to (no movies, tv, personal social media, limited music etc). They also restrict communication back home as the biggest distractor can be the people at home. They ask families to not put undue stress on their missionaries by causing them worry and concern.

Until recently, contact to home was really limited – which I seriously could not have handled (and in pre technology times it was even more difficult as they just relied on letters!!! However, kids back then also did not grow up with constant communication like they do now with technology, so it wasn’t as much as a stretch as it had been in recent years.) However, they now allow weekly calls/video chats and these calls are my fave time of week – but I can see how if we were always texting and chatting, then Zach could not focus on what he is doing and have the space HE needs to immerse himself into what he is doing. Yes, as a Mom it’s hard, but I also want to give him the chance to grow and be independent and that forced space is so good for him. Sometimes Mama needs need to be set aside to let your little one fly – and I think giving them space and control about when to contact you is important (you are even asked to let your missionary contact you first – I think to help missionaries develop their own independence and not be overwhelmed by some overzealous parents).

I was listening to an old interview the other day between Marie Forleo and author Steven Pressfield. They were discussing his book “Becoming Pro” . He started talking about the “year he took off turning pro” where he moved to a little town and he didn’t see anyone – no friends, no intimate relationships, no tv, no music, no sports. He said it was a year of absolutely no distractions – and he said “when you do that, there’s a kind of energy and focus that comes around you and you become a different person”. In that year, he learned he could become a pro and really become that writer he wanted to become – it was a lesson he learned for life. I see the elimination of distractions in missions helping these missionaries learn about themselves, and helping them become different people.

(Zach and Rachael meeting up at the MTC and following the no hug rule. I’m not sure they think it’s such a huge deal if they don’t hug – they know why they are there and they have chosen to set aside relationships until they are back so it’s more amusing!)

While the rules are strict, and might seem unbearable to many – you know exactly what you are getting into when you decide to go on a mission. I always tell my kids, “if you decide to go to a private school with a uniform, then don’t complain about the uniform when you are there. If you don’t like the uniform, there are plenty of other schools you can go to!” Likewise, if the rules bother you, then you don’t have to go on a mission (it is NOT obligatory). AND I’m sure there are some missionaries who end up going home because they can’t take the rules (or for many other reasons)! (We have told Zach that if he did decide to come home early for any, there is NO shame. He is welcomed home with open arms – at any time.)

A third reason I think comes down to the idea of “decision fatigue”. Did you know that there was such a thing? We only have so much brain juice and when we are constantly having to make decisions – even little ones – it takes energy. Having rules and regulations reduce the need to make constant decisions. Remember Steve Jobs and his famous black turtle neck? Eliminated his need to decide what to wear. Some famous people talk about eating the exact same breakfast day in and day out – eliminating using their energy on deciding what to eat. Having rules and regulations for these kids to follow for mundane things helps them to stay focused on what they are there to do.

Finally, there is a religious component. In the scriptures, John 15:10 it reads: “If ye love me, keep my commmandments”. Now we know that these rules are not commandments (well at least not all of them, lol), but there is definitely the idea that following rules is showing the faith and respect. The rules are there for the reason to help the missionary be a better (safer, secure, knowledgeable, stable, happier) missionary. We may not understand them, but we trust that they are not there to merely make the life difficult or boring for the missionary. We have another scripture that we read in the Book of Mormon that reads (1 Nephi 11: 16-17): “And he said unto me: Knowest thou the condescension of God? And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things”. So while I don’t understand all things, I do have faith that God loves these missionaries – and that the leaders who give up their time and sacrifice to help guide these kids also love them. Sometimes we do not understand the rules until much later in life. Sometimes, we never understand the rules. Sometimes the rules will change. Sometimes they are a little senseless. But in the end, the missionaries follow the rules because they are choosing to serve a mission and know that the rules aren’t there to try to hurt them.

That’s my take on the rules (I have a few more ideas swirling in my head but this post is way too long as it is – but one thought is based on the quote “obedience to law is liberty” – so just a little snippet to chew on for a bit!) Overall though, I think following rules comes down to faith. If you do not have the same belief and faith, then it will be hard to understand the rules – but hopefully I’ve explained them a little better.

Also…. I really do think that whether you think the rules are ridiculous, insanely, strict etc. – is very much a function of who YOU are as person too. Gretchen Rubin wrote a great book called ‘The Four Tendencies” – in it she talks about how we all have different tendencies in how we follow rules/live up to expectations that others place on us and what we place on ourselves. For some, like “Rebels” in her category – following rules would be a serious struggle, but for others, like the “Upholders” they wouldn’t blink at it. Just something interesting to think about how your own tendencies and thoughts shape your responses, actions and results – and that your experience of something is not “fact” rather it’s simply your experience.

Lastly, I loved in Zach’s last letter (you can also read his letters and get more background and photos in his mission blog www.zachfioretahitimission.blogspot.com ) that he talked about the commandments as being “rules” that he is learning if he follows them, then there are blessings that follow. He uses the analogy – of following a job description and your reward being pay. Different kind of rules that he is talking about but still…(more rules to living life – and not just a mission).

Let me know if you have any questions you want me to answer and I’m happy to answer them! I’m going to check in here each week with some FAQ’s about missions (happy to answer any about our religion too – although as I said, these are my viewpoints and opinions, coupled with the knowledge and experience I have).

If you want to check out Zach’s Tahiti mission blog (his letters, plus extra pictures and tidbits from me) it’s here.

If you are interested in following Rachael’s blog on her Thailand mission, you can find it here.