What is a parent’s main reason  wanting a child to do a mission ?

Very good question. Especially since I chose not to serve a mission and Rob of course did not either, not having grown up a member.

But did/do we want our kids to serve one?

Yes.

But, let’s set things straight first.

When Zach left, he made me a video (and I might have watched it over and over (and will continue to do so) or I might not have – I’ll let you take a guess, haha). In it, he thanks me for “never pushing him to serve a mission, but always supporting him either way”. 

No one is forced to serve a mission. They are definitely encouraged, but no one is forced. I do understand that different families (and maybe even also in different areas of the world) push harder than others (and maybe some kids do feel forced – I can’t speak for everyone), but it is up to the individual person.

My father served, my brother and sister-in-law served, and I did not. I have one niece who served, and another who did not. My nephew is serving, Zach is serving, and Gabe did not. All are still very much involved in the Church. No one is looked down upon. All are loved and respected. All have their own path. All have created their own experiences. I’m not sure what Zandra, Josh and Sam will decide nor what my other niece and nephew will decide, but rest assured, they will be valued and loved and supported regardless of their decision.

That being said, Rob and I have pondered, prayed and discussed at length whether we felt our kids would benefit from serving, if some would benefit more than others, and if some it might not be the right fit. We have felt that our kids would benefit, and with open communication in our home, they each knew/know that we felt they would all benefit.

But benefiting from something does not mean you have to go, nor does it mean you will be cursed if you don’t go. It just means if you choose to go, you will have unique experiences that will serve you in life; at least that is what we think. 

As much as my kids know we think  they would benefit, they also know we will accept their decision of whether they go or not. They are loved and valued the same. They are not higher or lower in status. They are merely choosing different experiences to shape their individual lives and they always have our love and support. 

They also know we are not the kind of parents who are afraid of upsetting our kids by saying what or how we feel or by hurting their feelings because we try to come from a place of love  and concern. We’ve also drilled in enough that no one can make you feel anything, it’s your choice on how you take things. You can choose to be offended, choose to make it mean something it doesn’t, choose to create a big dramatic story, or choose to see it as something we think you’d benefit from but you don’t necessarily agree. And there will be many things we may see things differently about or want differently for various reasons – but our kids all have their free agency to do what they think is best for their life. And we do understand and respect that. I love the quote “It’s not what you say, but how you say it”. If you say things with love and from a place of love, then you can really share and communicate your feelings from a safe place knowing your conversation will never shake your love for each other.

Back to the question: why would we even want them to go? Why sacrifice 2 years of prime time of their life?

I think a lot has to do with how strongly we believe in the message of Jesus Christ and the desire to share that message with others. So if you don’t have that, then it would be very hard to understand the “why”. I can give you other reasons (and I will), but without this, the rest of the reasons kind of fall flat. So if after you read “all the reasons” below and you still wonder, then I can sum it up that we have a different belief system overall, so it makes sense if it doesn’t make sense to you:) Make sense?!

We strongly believe that the message of The Gospel of Jesus Christ (because that is the message that we teach) is for all of God’s children everywhere and therefore is a message to be shared. Plain and simple. Note that we also believe that one of our greatest gifts is free agency, so we don’t believe that being offered to listen to a message in any way shape or form is forcing anyone. “No thanks” is all one needs to say. In fact, I love how Zach said in his farewell talk (as discussed in the previous post) that he believes that he’s doing this so people actually have the opportunity to learn so they can make an informed decision if they want. His offer is to teach if they want to hear; there’s no force, manipulation or threatening involved:) 

I look at it from the perspective of this analogy: if I go to a restaurant and have a really good meal and a really great experience, I might let people know they should try that restaurant too. I might even boldly jump out and say, “hey you have  to try this restaurant! It is so good” or I might simply give you the name of the restaurant if you ask me for any good restaurants I know of. I know it’s oversimplifying, but that’s kind of how I feel. I love this gospel and what it has done in my life and I’m happy to share it with others. I have seen the blessings it has brought to my family. My children in turn  have seen the blessings too and some want to share it. 

So that’s one plain and simple spiritual reason – and the main spiritual reason!

I also think missions provide a very unique opportunity for young kids to step outside themselves, and completely lose themselves in all kinds of service (also as discussed in previous post). I think it’s a way for them to then find themselves. Again, we also deeply believe that when you are in the service of your fellow being, you are also in the service of your God. If you truly love God, then you are showing that love by serving in any way you can. I believe that these missionaries learn to love unconditionally through the service they provide.

 I also think a mission is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. Now I have not served a mission, so I am taking from other people’s experiences. Missionaries face rejection (sometimes cruel rejection), loneliness, hardships, sadness, illness and are stretched beyond their comfort zone – frequently. They often have to learn a new language (to two!) and culture. They often have to contend with a new climate, different standards of living, different customs and ways of life. Not just with the people they are serving, but even with their own companions. Every companion has a different story and a different personality, upbringing, and history. Missionaries have to learn to cope with all this, while often living independently for the first time. It’s a huge learning curve. I have even seen with Zach how much he has grown – and the challenges he has faced just in 8 weeks in the MTC!

I  think a mission is a tremendous learning opportunity and the experiences they have help them build a unique resilience to life that will benefit them throughout their entire lives. I have heard people say that they have seen the “blessings from their mission” weaved into their entire lives. I grew up with a father who constantly talked about his mission and so I knew how he felt the mission shaped his life for the better. As a family, we have certainly been blessed by the missionaries we have had in our lives too and recognize that the relationships continue well past the “missionary years” (Gabe and Shannon are actually living in Houston with the missionary that baptized Rob! Gabe is clerking for him as this “missionary” is a successful lawyer there (with a beautiful wife and 3 kids! Roland flew out with his son to attend Gabe’s wedding. He is family to us and it is a very special relationship).

Zach also in his farewell talk shared how excited he was to have this time to truly be independent. To mature and grow and learn. Missionaries also learn a lot about relationships. They are paired two by two (sometimes three) in what is called “companionships”. Basically this is a companion/partner that you do everything together with – you live together, serve together, work together, have fun together and study together. If you like each other – then it’s great! If not, you better learn how to love each other. You are “stuck” with your companion anywhere from 6 weeks to many, many months. Over the course of your mission you might have anywhere from 8 – 12 companions. These are people that come from all different walks of lives – different countries, families, socio-economic statuses, cultures etc. Some only speak the native language of the country in which you are serving (e.g. they don’t all speak English – you get to practice your new language a lot ! So missions also teach you a lot about people; acceptance, compassion, tolerance, patience, and love. They teach you very uniquely how to compromise, share, tolerate and give and take in a relationship. While missionaries don’t date when on missions, I think their companionships are some of the best prep they can get for relationships.

Lastly, this is a reason that I only see now – simply because I am just experiencing it now. Leading up to Zach’s mission we were all busy. It was summer, so kids had jobs, sports, and wanted to cram in as much friend time as possible since both Zach and Zandra were leaving. We also had a ton of preparation, packing, and logistics to contend with. However, despite the chaos, and the overwhelm, we have never had so many special and even sacred moments (thin moments) as a family. The expressions of love to each other and for each other, the sharing of deep emotions, fears and tears. The words of wisdom, and the laughter and jokes. It was a time of such closeness for our family. And even though Gabe and Shannon were thousands of miles away, they surprised Zach at the airport and took him with me to the MTC – and were able to jump right in and partake of that closeness too. There is a special bond I am seeing when you have a child who is serving a mission. There are blessings that you can’t quite put your finger on that come to your family as a whole and to each family member individually. It is not something I can explain or prove – but I have heard others say that the same holds true for their family when a child serves a mission.

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

And what’s interesting, is that Zach knew this before he even left. In his video to me he shared that he knew that by going to serve a mission, he was going to be helping every single person in our family and he was excited to do that.

• 

• 

• 

As parents, I think we all want what is best for our children. We may not know exactly what that is for each child – and it will be different for every family and for every child. While encouraging your child to go on a mission may not be something you would ever do, I am so grateful to have such amazing friends who have supported our family throughout this entire process.

If you want to follow Zach’s actual mission blog here it is: zachfioretahitimission.blogspot.com