You have always said Mormons are very focused on free agency and choice. Also I see you with your kids very focused and respectful of their individuality and self expression etc . How does that marry with all the strict rules for a mission for you as a parents who seems to really trust your kids and their choices ?
Like everything, I guess it’s a matter of perspective.
I don’t see having rules or regulation, or laws or guidelines as limiting anyone’s free agency.
There is a law to wear seatbelts in our country, and I frequently witness in my work the effects of people who chose not to wear seatbelts and got into accidents. There are laws for bike helmets, laws to not drink until a certain age, laws to not speed over a certain limit. But do we see these laws being broken? All the time.
Rules and laws don’t take away someone’s free agency. They are there to try to protect people. But you can’t force someone to obey them.
So, when I talk about my children having their own free agency and ability to make their own choices, I truly believe they do. They are free to adhere to laws, rules and guidelines. Sometimes there seems to be no consequences to breaking them. Sometimes there are dire consequences. Sometimes the consequences are hidden or will only be seen in the long term, sometimes they are immediate. As a parent, I can’t control the consequences my kids will have if they choose one path vs another path along their life journey. But I trust that they have a good solid base from which to make good choices, and I trust that if they choose something that does not offer them the best consequences, then they are capable of handling that too. I can’t be running beside my grown children trying to put sunscreen on them their whole lives so they don’t get burned (can’t remember where I heard that but I loved it!) They know about sunscreen, they have sunscreen, and they have the ability to choose to apply if they wish and as often as they wish.
I don’t believe you have more free agency if you have no rules, guidelines or laws to follow. I think some may think that no rules give them more agency, that somehow, it gives them freedom to do what they want. They also may feel more comfortable doing it, but that’s just how they are choosing to think and subsequently feel. Others may think that rules equate to being able to control or force people (and perhaps some people have personalities that are more pressured into doing things because of rules). But in the end, agency is agency. Everyone has the ability to choose what they want, rules or no rules. All your agency, all your choices are completely in your thoughts. You can choose to make something negative or positive by how you choose to think about it.
People always ask about Mormons and not drinking. They usually say something along the lines of it being so restrictive and why would I want to be in a religion that “forces” me not to drink. (The Church introduced the “Word of Wisdom” (which is a health code that that members choose to follow ) back in the 1830’s). The thing is, I don’t feel forced. Why? Because I am not forced. I also don’t see it as being a deprivation. I’m not “missing out” on anything as I am making a choice as I feel there are things I am gaining by not drinking. I am making a choice to not drink. A choice based on my perspective, views, thoughts and feelings. Some people make the decision to drink. We each have the ability to make our own choices regardless of the rules in place. Yes, it might mean if I do not follow it then I am not able to partake in other parts of my religion – but that is all part of my choice. I know if I do not wear my seatbelt because I find it uncomfortable, there is a chance if I get in an accident I will be more seriously injured. That consequence needs to be considered in my decision to not wear my seatbelt. We can’t really separate out choices from consequences. With freedom comes responsibility.
So basically how can I marry my belief in free agency while still sending my child on a mission with strict rules?
Because he exercised his agency by choosing to go on a mission. He will exercise his agency every day by choosing to follow or not follow a rule. He will exercise his agency if he decides to come home early from his mission, or extend his mission. Every day, every decision, every moment, he is exercising his agency. He may appreciate the guidelines, especially the ones that keep him safe, and/or he may find some of them annoying. But it is always ultimately up to him on whether he follows them or not.
He also knows that with free agency comes accountability, so every time he exercises his agency, he is responsible for the results. (It’s also important to note that if you go against rules you are not kicked out of the mission; some no one will even know but you if you break them. Others are more serious and do carry higher consequences, but again, you are well aware of the whole picture when you go out on a mission. Most don’t head out on a mission purposefully aiming to break the rules. However, they may decide later on that they don’t want to live by the rules, so can exercise their agency to come home too).
Free agency is a gift that we have been given and we all have it. Everything we do in life is a choice, including whether we want to follow rules, laws, guidelines or suggestions.
If you want to follow Zach’s actual mission blog here it is: zachfioretahitimission.blogspot.com
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