On Thursday, February 13th, 2020, Rob’s Mom (Jane) passed away. While she had been sick the past couple of years, struggling with dementia, and it was somewhat a relief for everyone, it was still Rob’s mom. She was the one that brought him into the world, and for many years, she was the most important person in the world to him. His dad passed away in 2016 and so he feels the loss of the “parental unit”. Although we take comfort in his parents being reunited, and especially reunited with his brother Dave, who passed in 1994, it is still a strange feeling for Rob to have half his family gone.
She will be buried in the spring, but today was a small, quiet, service to honour her life. I thought I would share Rob’s eulogy because I think he did a beautiful job capturing the essence of his mother: Berta Jane Essie Clendenning (nee Yates) may 4, 1937 – Feb 13, 2020.
“Today is a hard day for many of us and I’m not sure I can capture all that my mom meant to me, my family and all of you. It’s reassuring knowing that even though so many who would like to have been here couldn’t be with us, there are friends, family and acquaintances literally all around the world sharing stories of mom. Mom had such an amazing ability to connect with so many people over her entire lifetime and keep in touch with them. I know those stories and fond memories will live on among so many she met.
In my faith there is a line of scripture that teaches that there is opposition in all things. In essence, this tells us that all things in life compound in to one, whether joy and sorrow, justice or injustice, love or loneliness. In short, we only experience joy and the greatness of life when we are also able to feel some of the pains and challenges. While a week ago we sat with the sorrow of losing of my mom, our Grammy, it formed part of a life’s journey that was a truly wonderful compounded whole. While talking with Leah, the day after my mom’s passing, she also made such an important point. She said, life is in many respects a movie we write ourselves and how many of us like movies that are only one dimensional? We are drawn to movies that have love, joy, challenge, sorrow, loss, humour, tragedy, and triumph. As sad and sorrowful as I feel without my mom here, her life was one heck of a movie!
I know that early on in her life she had the blessing of finding one of her callings. I think all of us remember the stories of her nursing days, her time in Boston and the work she did in the neo natal ward. While I wasn’t around to see her incredible talents in nursing, I know by all accounts she was the top her field. She excelled at nursing, she loved helping people, and thrived on the high intensity of the work. The continuing bond and friendships she kept from those early career years are a testament to how special those years were for her and her friends.
She was also most certainly a free spirit and had a sense of adventure! I can look back and see how as a young wife and new mother it took a special sense of flare to drive all over Europe baby in tote in a little Volkswagen Fastback! Thinking back on stories of those years she was no doubt the anchor to seeing my dad through his schooling while enjoying the world! They made lifelong friends in those adventurous years!
My mom was a social person. I think anyone who knew her would unquestionably say she could be the life of a party, the most welcoming and accomplished hostess, was always dressed impeccably, and could always cut the rug with some dancing or sit at a piano and play. I remember her, tiny as she was, sitting at the piano and making it roar. So many childhood memories come to mind of our house warm with the sounds of a dinner party, the hustle and fun of her hosted June trunk sales, or a giant post skiing table for one of her wonderful chalet lunches or dinners! Others like the smell of baking when opening the front door on a cool school day or the warm towels waiting for us after a late-night swim are truly just a hint of the loving home she created. It was a household filled with traditions and memories that formed such a safe, happy and wonderful place to be. She set and kept an incredibly high bar!!
This magic to create such a wonderful environment was surely carried over to her Grammy years! In fact, she only got better at it! Years of her welcoming the kids home from school at our house; baking and a smile for everyone. Grammy sleep overs where she would create a world of pajama luxury renting movies, making great meals and playing games with the kids. Or special outings to a museum, a show or a trip to Bronte Park in Oakville for a picnic. She loved it as much as they did. In the words of her 5 grand children from the CDF family:
From Gabe:
“Some of my favourite memories as a kid were the weekends I would spend at Grammy & Grampy’s house. Days of back scratches, Blockbuster visits and games of Go-Fish on what she would call the “chesterfield”. No doubt we were some of the luckiest grandkids. It genuinely felt like first class treatment. Grammy, always the baker would have warm chocolate chip oatmeal cookies standing by for dessert or just a snack. An accompanying bag filled to the top with them was always our goody bag to take home. Grammy always held hospitality and comfort as a top priority, I felt a new level of happiness as a 7-year old when Grammy would put my towels in the dryer for when I got out of the bath. She genuinely made sure we had a wonderful time at our home away from home. I’m going to miss Grammy’s cheerful nature and the interest she took in all our lives, she was so special to me. “
From Zandra:
Grammy was one of the most, glamorous, kind, beautiful and talented people I knew. Grammy was always so willing to help others and make people around her happy and welcomed. When I was a little girl, she would always treat me like such a princess. I remember her letting me play with all of her jewelry and makeup and allowing me to experiment with such an art form that I love dearly today. She allowed for me to get in touch with my girly side. I also loved her endless baking of cakes and cookies. I will miss her beautiful soul.
Zach:
I remember so many things about Grammy. Always with an apron on, she would always bring us her famous Oatmeal cake and cookies. She always took the time to sit with us to ask us about our day and take an interest in anything we would do. One memory I especially remember was when she and Grampy took me to the hockey hall of fame. It was a lot of fun and so nice to get time just with her and Grampy. I still have the Montreal Canadians hockey puck they got me on that trip. I’m truly sad to know that she has left us in this life but know she is safe with our loving Heavenly Father.
Josh:
I always remember their house in Oakville on John street. She kept the house so nice with the Baby Grand Piano and everything so perfectly laid out at the dinner table. She always had so much patience with us kids. All five of us coming over with so much energy and running around. But she would never not be smiling when we were all there. We often would go out and play in front with the neighbors and would be gladly interrupted when she would call us in for dinner with her famous oatmeal cake waiting for us at the end!
Sam:
All of us I’m sure have had a favourite memory with Grammy. She was a wonderful grandmother and so very generous with her time and love. My favourite memory is when she would be with me after school from kindergarten. We would read curious George just in time for nap time. We then would always play with my Star Wars toys. She was so caring and loving towards everyone. She’ll be missed very much.
I feel so blessed to have been able to have my mom with us through so many of life’s major milestones. From the wonderful world she created for us and children, to a teenager, to becoming a parent. I was blessed to get her wisdom and love through each of these stages of life. She didn’t leave a lesson untaught. It’s only when I look back that I realize that in all those moments she was teaching me how we wanted our family to be. Through the trials, from divorce to health scares to the loss of our brother Dave, she was always there at the drop of a hat. There was never a question of whether she would come help in times of need or when you needed advice. I remember her and Leah on so many occasions sharing insights in to motherhood and the challenges of our children; all of which was through the eyes of someone who had been there, seen it, and done it so well. It was only as I got older that I came understand that she was more than just my “mom”. I think as we mature we learn to appreciate our parents even more knowing that they were individuals too. Multi-faceted, with challenges, struggles, mistakes and dreams both fulfilled and unfulfilled. We can seem them from a new perspective in their love, their relationships and their journey as adults too. Having the privilege of this perspective allows me to see the true richness of her life’s movie. Understanding her struggles, her individual passions, her tragedies and her triumphs has allowed me to see her life as the rich, nuanced, and epic feature film that it was.
We will miss you mom. Your legacy will live on in us and the grandchildren and great grandchildren to come. You played a leading, supporting and cameo roles in so many of our life’s movies! We thank you for being the star that you were in every role you played. “
Tonight Rob and I went to dinner at Le Papillon. It was one of Jane’s favourite restaurants and we thought we would honour her by going there. I am grateful that I also have so many of her recipes – especially her oatmeal cake and oatmeal cookies so that our kids and future generations will always have a little bit of Grammy with them.
