Costa Rica

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I was a little hesitant going to Costa Rica, as I really wanted a relaxing vacation, but knew that with Costa Rica, there was so much to do and see, that it would need to be a bit more than relaxing.

We toyed around with doing several different things – including renting a car and touring the country. That idea was veteoed when we couldn’t get flights that would get us there in under 17 hours. We finally decided on setting up camp at a beach resort and doing some day tours, in between days of relaxing and sunshine.

We arrived feeling a little tired after getting up in the middle of the night to catch our early morning flight – but managed to have a nice lunch and head to the beach. Of course, Rob had a conference call to attend to as well. Always a little work to finish up before pleasure.

Rob says I’m like a cat when I first arrive at a hotel: need to check everything out, scratch in all the corners, unpack and unwind. After I get my bearings, I can relax!

We ate at the Latin restaurant and then headed off to bed exhausted, after analyzing the beautiful sky!

Our first two days we planned to do nothing but beach and relax. A little decompression! We walked the beach, read on the beach and dipped our toes in the water. The ocean was really cold! We lounged by the pool and sipped drinks, read books, listened to music and slept. Pretty nice start!

We did start both days off with a bit of tennis though so we weren’t that lazy. The beach massage on the first day may say otherwise however….

The third day ended up being a write off: I had a crummy tummy. Amazingly, it wasn’t as bad as “being in a new country” crummy tummy can be. But, we stayed in the room and I really caught up with sleep! Luckily there was room service for Robbie! Unfortunately though, it sucked my energy, which meant the next day had to be low key as well.

Although can I really complain? Walking the beach, swimming, lounging on the bali bed near the pool? It was perfect! We decided to walk to the next town – which was easily reached by walking on the beach. This beach was quite different – had the black sand and a different vibe. But it was sooo nice.

We texted the kids this picture:)

We found a little local restaurant “The Golden Shrimp” and had shrimp there (no surprise) and watched the gorgeous sunset. We finished dinner long after it was dark and had to make our way back to our hotel in the pitch black – aside from the stars (which were incredible!! I kept saying I felt like I was in a star globe! We could also see Mars, Venus and Jupiter very clearly).

The next day was a very early start as we met our tour guide “Rico Suave” at 5:30am, and headed inland. We passed through many little towns, and soaked in the scenary as we went from the driest land – to the lush beauty of the center. We went to the Arenal Volcano area. We stopped once we got to Arenal Lake to take some pictures:

Then we arrived at the sky trek place , got to ride the sky tram, walk the sky bridges, and the best part – zipline! The fasted line went 70 km an hour! It was awesome!

We ate lunch with the beautiful view of the volcano in the background. The clouds finally cleared so we could see the actual tip. It is an active volcano – but lava has not erupted in the past 16 months. We did get to see some steam though! We then walked the sky bridges and explored the cloud forest.

We wandered the little town below the volcano called la Fortuna before heading for some hot springs. A little bit of a toursit trap (what isn’t these days?) but really nice nonetheless! We soaked in the steaming water for a little while and then started to head home.

On the way home we saw another gorgeous sunset. The colours following the actual sunset were spectacular! We stopped in a little town for a traditional dinner in a little restaurant with not a tourist in sight. We had porc. Deep fried porc is what it was; a real Costa Rican dish our guide told us. Rob liked it more than me. I need more than just meat!!

Our last day was pretty low key again. We beached it in the morning – but this time the tides had changed – they were really high, and the water was much warmer so we got to swim a lot more! We spent the afternoon by the pool in the bali bed. We decided to walk along the beach to the next town for the sunset again and it was pretty spectacular again.

All in all, it was a great vacation! It was relaxing, with a little mix of adventure. Just what we were looking for! We’d go back for sure to Costa Rica when we want to do a bit adventure and explore more southern parts of the beautiful country!

Recipe: Oatmeal Cake

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Josh commented the other day how Grammie is the “Oatmeal Queen”. She makes the best oatmeal cookies, which I posted here and also the best chocolate chip oatmeal cookies (which I still need to get the recipe for!)

But an absolute favorite in our house is her Oatmeal Cake. Whenever she asks what she can bring for dessert – the first answer from everyone is Oatmeal Cake. It is sooooo good. The icing is delicious. You really need to have it with milk too.

It is so good that even our beloved cat Carrot (who passed away Feb 2011) once jumped up on the counter and ate half a cake that we had left (covered in saran wrap – he just went right through the saran too)! We were devastated – as the cake is so scrumptious the day after too.

I don’t have a picture of it, and I will honestly say, I have never made it. I just eat it. Happily. Savouring every bite.

Grammie’s Oatmeal Cake

2 cups Quick Quaker oats
1 cup soft butter
2 cups white sugar
2 tsp vanilla
4 eggs
2 2/3 cups of flour
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp of cinnamon
1/2 tsp of nutmeg
2 1/2 cups boiling water

Pour 2 1/2 cups of boiling water over oats and let stand for 20 minutes. Beat butter, add sugar, and beat until fluffy using electric mixer. Beat eggs and add vanilla. Add oats and beat well. Mix 5 remaining dry ingredients (flour, baking soda, salt, cinammon, nutmeg) and add to mixture. Pour into 2 round cake pans and bake at 350 for 50 minutes.

Frosting
Beat together 1 cup of butter, 4 tsp of vanilla nad 4 cups icing sugar. May have to add some milk to achieve proper thickness for spreading.

Serve with strawberries on the side, and a tall, cold glass of milk.

Yum.

Best 10’s: The Last Lecture

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I’ve gotten into the habit of earmarking the bottom of pages of books when I read something that I really like and would like to maybe one day go back and read again. I guess I could highlight or underline, but I sort of like going back to the earmarked page and reading the page and trying to see what struck me the first time and why I earmarked the page to start with. Usually, within a few seconds I’m saying to myself, “Oh ya, that was really good”.

I just finished reading “The Last Lecture” by Dr. Randy Pausch (with Jeffrey Zaslow). It has been on my “to read” pile for a while. I actually watched the Last Lecture a few months ago with a client for therapy one day, and knew I’d want to read this book.

Amazing, inspirational lecture. Amazing, inspirational book.

One of my kids asked me the other day, “Why do people always sing about living as if you were dying, or if today was your last day, or if I were to die tomorrow, would I be happy with how I lived”? Good question.

I guess we want to value our lives. Live and love to the fullest. Not waste a second, get all those teaching moments in, enjoy ourselves, leave a legacy, be remembered.

The Last Lecture is one of those books that does make you think and is inspiring. He truly had to live like he was dying. But he also had to live like he was living for the sake of his wife and children. What a special gift he have to his family when he wrote this book.

I went back to the earmarked pages of what struck me when I was reading the book. Here are the top 10 things I earmarked – which means, they made an impression on me. Some are quotes, some are his viewpoints, some are just thoughts. All, were things I want to remember.

1. “There’s a lot of talk these days about giving children self esteem. It’s not something you can give; it’s something they have to build. Self esteem: you give them something they can’t do, they work hard until they can do it, and you just keep repeating the process”.

Love this. So often we hear: “Good job”, “You’re awesome”, “You can do it” etc. and while verbal praise is important and likely contributes a bit to helping a child build their self esteen, there is no substitute for the pride that comes from real hard work, and learning that you can do it.

Zandra the other day said that she wasn’t sure she wanted to do the extended French program when she moves to middle school. When I asked her why, she said she didn’t think her French was good enough. Now Zandra is a smart, beautiful, funny, sensitive, kind, amazing girl. I can tell her all that until I’m blue in the face – but I know she needs to do something that is “hard” in her eyes, and be successful at it, and that will build her up. I know she can do it (without a doubt). And once she learns she can do it, she will be stronger for it.

2. “When you’re screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they’ve given up on you”.

I tell the kids that all the time. I guess I can be a bit of a hard Mom/Smom. Part of that is my personality, and part of it is because of my job. I am known in my little field as being a very straight shooter. I tell it like it is. No messing around. That usually gets results – because
often people tippy toe around things and then nothing ever changes. I have expectations, and I push push push. But, along with the push comes love and support. So, I tell it like it is to my kids too. I tell them sometimes it’s too bad I love them so much otherwise I would just leave them alone and let them wallow in self pity, or put in half efforts, or take the easy road, or give up etc. I just love them too much to do that.

3.“Randy, it’s such a shame that people perceive you as being so arrogant, because it’s going to limit what you’re going to be able to accomplish in life”. Translation: you’re being a jerk.

Love the little message in this: sometimes we need to tell people hard things, but sometimes we can word it in a “kinder” way that gets the harsh real message across.

4. Views on time:
– Time must be explicitly managed, like money
– You can always change your plan, but only if you have one
– Ask yourself: are you spending your time on the right things
– Develop a good filing system (everything has a home)
– Re think the telephone (don’t waste time on the phone)
– Delegate
– Take a time out

I am a huge advocate of managing your time, planning, taking breaks, stopping to ask if you are doing first things first etc. so I loved this entire section!

“Time is all you have. And you may find one day that you have less time than you think”.

5. ” Educators best serve students by helping them be self reflective. The only way any of us can improve is if we develop a real ability to assess ourselves”.

Metacognition is a big buzz word in my industry. “The ability to think about your thinking”. Ability to reflect on our behaviours, attitudes, thinking. If my client has good self awareness, then I often know that their recovery is going to be much more successful. It’s something that I am trying to instill in my kids too. It’s not what I think that matters, it’s what they think. If they can evaluate themselves, they can do amazing things!

6. “I know you’re smart. But everyone here is smart. Smart isn’t enough. The kind of people I want on my research team are those who will help everyone else feel happy to be here”.

Smarts are important that’s for sure. But I think strong character is way more important. The two together – dynamite:)

7. “Don’t complain. Just work harder. Too many people go through life complaining about their problems. If you took one tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you’d be surprised by how well things can work out”.

Need I say more? Work harder.

8. “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted”.

How true is this statement?! Makes you realize how important every success – and every failure – and every effort – is.

9. Go out and do for others what somebody did for you.

Pay it forward! Treat others how you want to be treated and it will always be the right way.

I was in the bathroom at the airport the other day and a little girl was struggling with washing her hands. I went and helped her. I actually thought to myself, “If mothers everywhere treated every child, (teen,young adult or person for that matter!) as they would hope someone would treat their child, what a different world it would be. I helped the little girl like I hope someone would help my child if they needed help – whether they needed a tiny bit of help, or a lot of help.

10. Are you a Tigger or an Eeyore?

Do you hang your head, drag your feet, having the “woe is me attitude” or are you spunky, feisty and ready to face the world with energy and enthusiasm?

There were so many other good thoughts in this book – but these were the ones that touched me and were worth earmarking:) Now, I just need to apply them in my life!

Quote of the Week

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“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family”.

We’re slowly gathering our family back together and it feels good!

Rob and I got back from Costa Rica this evening (will post more on this later) and went and picked up Gabe, Zandra and Sam from their Mom’s. It sounds like they had a nice week just hanging around the city. It was sooooo good to see them.

Zach and Josh are home tomorrow night and we will go to the airport to get them.

Looking forward to all being together again! The one huge perk of being away from each other is how much we miss each other and enjoy being back together! Coming full circle: start and end with family!

Quote of the Week

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This week is March Break – and it is a March break where all the children are with their other parent. We alternate who takes the kids on March Break every year.

Zach and Josh are off to Florida with their Dad to see their Grandparents.

Gabe, Zandra and Sam were supposed to head away to Tremblant to ski, but they are staying in town with their Mom doing lots of activities.

Rob and I are off to Costa Rica! This kicks off the first of many celebrations for my upcoming 40th (I just use my 40th as the excuse for anything fun right now!)

As fun as it all is, it always is a little bittersweet – we miss the kids. But the homecoming is always SO awesome with everybody having missed everybody – so I just hold on to that – and I look up at the sky every night and do starlight starbright and tell the kids to do the same. We are always looking at the same stars no matter where we are:)

Of course, the time spent together as a couple is priceless as well. We feel very lucky to get this uninterrupted time.

So, we don’t really have a quote of the week changing on our board in the kitchen this week since no one is around, but I thought I’d share one that I have taped to my computer so I can read it frequently. Can’t remember where I got it, but I loved it when I read it.

“Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distractions, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children – more time eating together, more time working together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all”.

May be a funny quote to put up – given I’m going away for a week without my children!!

But, that is my reality – I share my children and spend more time than I would like away from them. But it can’t be changed, so I must make the best of it.

So, I would add on to the quote for my personal circumstance:

“Mothers who know also realize the importance of children developing their bonds with their fathers, or other significant others (step parents and grandparents). Mothers who know make every second with their children count, as they know how their heart aches when they are apart. Mothers who know teach their children that whether together or apart, there are always the stars that unite them at the end of the day”.

TFC vs LA Galaxy Game!

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There was a lot of buzz in the house this week! Wednesday night was a long anticipated night!

The boys all went to the Rogers Centre to see TFC vs LA Galaxy (including David Beckham).

Zach and Josh are both crazy about soccer. They both play rep and they love to watch it, play it and talk about it. Gabe and Sam aren’t as infatuated with it – but going to a game is pretty darn exciting.

Initially Zach and Josh were going to go with their Dad, and they were each allowed to bring a friend. Then Rob, Gabe and Sam decided to go too. So, they all went together.

They had a fantastic time! Rob painted their faces, they bought hats/touques, ate popcorn,french fries, had some coke (which they covet since I don’t usually allow it) and were on the edge of their seats for the game that tied in the last minute:( (TFC had been ahead).

Here’s a few snaps:

Rob took a ton of pictures of the actual soccer game – I just chose a few that seemed “actiony”:)

They had an awesome time – and I’m sure a game they will always remember!

Projections

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The past couple of weeks have been really busy. Busier than usual it seems.

We also seem to have run into some pretty conflictual situations, and that sometimes expends a lot of energy.

In dealing with these situations, a few thoughts have lingered in my mind:

We had one situation with Rob’s ex. Not that I want to dwell on the negative, but I think dealing with ex’s is particulary challenging for blended families – if not the most challenging thing. So I think it’s worthy of a mention. Rob tries to talk to his kids on nights when they are not with us. One night in particular Rob said good night to Sam, and Sam, being the little guy that he is, didn’t hang up his end of the phone properly.

I bet you can tell where this story is heading.

Yup. Just as Rob was about to hang up, he heard his ex light into Sam about something, and then proceed to totally unjustly, unfairly and unkindly slander Rob. “You’re Dad does this”, “You’re Dad doesn’t do that” blah blah blah. It went on and on. To a six year old. Then dragging the other kids into it too.

Needless to say, Rob called her back later on, and had it out. What was amazing was how much she projected about her own life and her own insecurities. Most of what she “accused” Rob of, Rob was very easily able to show her that it was actually her that did those things. To which she could only respond with the equivalent of a childish “I know you are but what am I” answer. Amazingly, Rob asked her when her hostility was going to end, and she said “Maybe in 20 years”. Funny considering she could be defined as the “leaver” as I talked about here.

At any rate, this sparked some conflict, which led to some conversations with the kids. Unfortunately. Or fortunately. Depends on how you look at it.

Although in divorce it is said to keep the kids out of the things, the one thing I have learned is that you must also let the kids know some of facts – and if necessary, defend yourselves from false accusations. If you don’t, kids will create their own scenarios, or sometimes even be poisoned by the other side. I know I have heard many a expert say kids should be told nothing. But kids, as they get older, figure things out. And what they don’t figure out, they make up. And that can sometimes be worse.

The second situation involved a situation with Zach at school. I got a call from the principal’s office about an issue Zach had with another child at school. Later on that night, I got a call from that child’s mother. Again, it was amazing how much of the story that mother gave me was simply projection of her own insecurities and her own issues. The call was quite disturbing and I went back to the vice principal the next day, to have it quickly confirmed that he too noted that the issue in fact lay more with the mother than it did with any of the children involved.

It got me thinking about how easy it is to project ourselves and our own insecurities onto other people. How easy it is for those situations to turn into larger than life scenarios, if we let them. How easy it is for us to assume that our kids will feel a certain way about something because we do. How easy it is to alleviate ourselves of our own anger, insecurities and frustrations by projecting them onto someone else.

There is that saying “when you point a finger at someone, be careful because two fingers are pointing back at you” – or something like that. That is something that I clearly saw in these two situations this past week, but what it reminded me of is to be careful of the things I may be projecting on others – especially those closest to me. Am I irritated with my kids for something they did – or is it really about something that I am feeling? Am I mad at my husband because of something that he forgot, or was it something that I should have taken responsibility for anyways? Am I feeling overly sensitive about something that someone else says – simply because it is true and I don’t really want to accept it?

These are all tough questions to ask. It’s amazing how easy it is to objectivley see things in other people’s lives, and be completely blinded by things in our own lives.

The important thing I guess is to ask the questions of ourselves – to try to be self aware, and then of course, be forgiving of ourselves (and others too). Well, maybe in 20 years:)

Quote of the Week

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“Don’t be a shark, be a fish”.
Josh

Josh came to me the other day to say all the other kids had made up a quote for our quote of the week except for him and Sam. He wanted to make one!

He said he had come up with “Don’t be a shark, be a fish” – and said it was an “anti bullying” quote!

I suggested maybe he could add a little: “Don’t be a shark, be the leader of a school of fish”, but he veteoed any involvement from me. Fair enough.

I did think it was quite thoughtful. Bullying is something that is discussed a lot in our schools, and we certainly discuss it at home. However, I think the quote is applicable even in situations that would not be completely defined as outright bullying.

Perhaps we can just be gentler in our approach with people. Rather than biting people’s heads (or arms off) like a shark would do, we can be a bit more soft and gentle like a fish. Rather than going in for the kill every time like a shark, we can swim around the issue for a bit and see if there is away to approach things without stirring up too much trouble.

Thanks Josh for your contribution!