What is he up to this year in our home?
Mischievous guy.
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“The value of our lives is not determined by what we do for ourselves. The value of our lives is determined by what we do for others” Simon Sinek
I am often amazed at how much some people do for others. How they put others’ needs in front of their own, how they consider how other people feel, how they sometimes make choices that may not be in their personal best interest, but know they are in the best interest of others. When I see that, I truly do admire the person and want to try to be more like them.
The same holds true when I see others who aren’t that example. As much as it is disappointing to see how some only think of themselves, or do what’s in their best interest, when I do see it, it helps me take stock of what I am doing. So often I am in my own world, doing my own survival thing and sometimes forget that the true value comes from serving others.
This is the Christmas season and an opportunity to “light the world”. I know in our little family we are talking about what we can do and hopefully we can move more from talking to doing. Because truly what we do for others is the most important thing.
Every year for the past 11 years, Rob and I go to a Christmas concert called the Festival of Carols.
This year I was disappointed to hear that Rob had to be out of town on business on the night they were performing.
I decided to ask Zach to accompany me to the concert. This is his last “official” Christmas prep season, so I have been using that as a bit of a bargaining chip. He agreed to go without too much cajoling!
We decided for dinner to head out to a nearby restaurant that served schnitzel. We both were feeling like having it – reminiscent of our trip to Germany two years ago.
We first walked through this cool little “Tunnel of Glam” that is in Toronto right now.
We had a nice dinner, and then laughed at some fellow restaurant clients who were elderly and clearly going to the same concert we were:)
The concert was nice; not as Christmasy as usual. It was a different conductor this year.
Zach thoroughly enjoyed it as the pictures show…
I had a great night – and I’m glad he was a sport and accompanied me. I like to remind him how much he will be missing things like this next year when he is off on his own:))
The beginning of December marks the time we start our yearly traditions!
This year, due to time constraints, we had to head to the Christmas market in November. We got to start the season off earlier! I’m not too upset by that considering it’s the last Christmas we have 4 kids home for Christmas prep….
We walked around the market, enjoyed the lights in the freezing cold, grabbed some poutine and schnitzel sandwiches and yummy dessert:
Quiet Elfie made his debut and continues to entertain (although seems to be much more creative when Robbie is not out of town on business – although 2 out of 3 pics below were when he was gone) :
I had a shopping date and dinner with Josh (one with Zach too but he was in super rush so it was super speedy)
We both really liked these quotes:
We then did our traditional walk to get the tree and decorate it. Sadly none of my pictures took of them decorating:((
We laid out all the decorations as usual- with each kid getting their own bunch of ornaments to put up. Those likes are growing and we officially don’t have enough room for them all! As Gabe gets married and moves on in life next year, he will take his with him!
My nativity collection from the kids’ travels is growing:
Our quote wall is up:
Sadly the only one I got of them decorating:
The cutest dog ever:
The final result:
“The first mistake is never the one that ruins you. It is the spiral of repeated mistakes that follows. Missing once is an accident. Missing twice, is the start of a new habit”.
James Clear
If you haven’t heard of James Clear, then go check him out. www.jamesclear.com
He just came out with a book called “Atomic Habits” and pretty much every page I have tons of highlights. I love his ability to explain things and put it in a way that makes sense. I signed up for his newsletter a while ago and twice a week he writes these absolute gems that make me think and shift perspective.
I love this quote, because it gives leeway for errors, and room to change. One mistake is fine. It is the cumulation of the mistakes that will get ya…
I had a client pass away this past week.
I had been with him for 14 years.
I met him while he was still in the rehab hospital shortly after his accident.
I then continued to see him weekly while he lived in a group home and then eventually when he got his own place where he lived with support workers and his mother.
His injuries were significant. He had limited use of his legs and arms, and his speech was slow, slurred and very difficult to understand.
When I met him, he was tube fed. We (well, he) worked long and hard on his swallowing. He desperately wanted to eat – he loved to eat. I was skeptical, he was determined. He won.
I remember the joy when he finally had the tube removed. Then the joy of eating. He loved his sweets. Loved Tim Horton’s apple fritters. In later years, on beautiful sunny days, he’d want to go to Tim Horton’s to get one. I’d fight him on leaving because we had work to do; he’d insist on practicing his speech while he powered on (he was in a power wheelchair) and I ran to keep up. I’d yell at him for pretending to try to run me over; he’d laugh. I’d make him order the apple fritter, even though they had a hard time understanding him and it was easier for me to do. It was his therapy work for the day.
He was kind, considerate, and wildly inappropriate. Part of his head injury, part of his personality. He’d tease, say rude things, and share his sadness and frustration with me. He also shared his past – regrets and memories, and then share his dreams. Skydiving, travel, kids. Walking. Talking.
He said he’d marry me when I got divorced and later always asked about my “25” kids. He teased me about everything: my age, my prudeness for not letting him smoke a joint during our sessions, and my poor hearing.
He worked ever single session. It was boring, monotonous, and tiring, but he did it. Every time. No complaints. And progress was slow. Super slow. He learned strategies to use to improve, but they required so much effort and energy. Energy that he was already short of given the effort he had to put into every other function too. He often asked me to explain to people how hard it was for him to speak, how much it took out of him so they could be more patient with him.
The past couple of years really took a toll on him. Hip replacements, kidney problems, heart problems. He persevered, but depression crept in and some sessions we quietly talked. I listened and sometimes I’d shed silent tears for the life he had lost – handed over in a split second to a careless driver texting while driving.
Back in 2014, I had had a conversation with him about my belief in the afterlife and how one day he would be whole again. I said we would meet and he’d be running and talk my ear off without any effort. I often used him as my “motivation” to really give my all to my clients, as one day we would meet again and I would stand accountable for the work – and relationship – I had with them. I would hope that I had served them well.
A few months ago his mother decided to put our therapy on hold. His energy was low, and she felt his progress stagnant. In our final session, he expressed how he didn’t want to stop therapy, but it was his mom’s decision. I understood both their perspectives. We parted with a hug and his standard “drive safe” as well as another “inappropriate” saying that he said to me every time.
Then last Sunday, I got an email from his Physiotherapist that he had passed away early in the morning. I was shocked. Felt heartsick.
Apparently he had been in hospital the past couple of weeks and not doing well. He had been having heart issues, and then kidney issues and they knew he would not recover.
I went to the Shiva following his funeral. I cried with his mother. Then I was heartbroken to find out from his main support worker that he had asked for me; they think he knew the end was close by. “Where’s Leah?” He asked. “I thought she’d come!”
Everyone assumed I had been told that he was really not doing well. Never make that assumption. Never make assumptions for something so important.
His mother said she was completely overwhelmed and forgot to call me.
I cried and cried, heartbroken that he died thinking I did not care enough to come. I expressed my heartache to his mom, saying of course I would have been there. To make it worse, she said “I know you would have come. I’m sorry I forgot. And he really needed you the last few months!”
Such a sad end to 14 years of therapy, and friendship. People talk about the need to be “professional” especially in careers like mine. And while I strive to maintain professional relationships always, I can’t help but care and share and love those whom I am privileged to work with.
He will forever be impressed upon my heart. I look forward to meeting again and walking and talking freely. Hopefully there will be apple fritters in Heaven.
I am so falling behind with blogging my quotes! So many different balls in the air right now to juggle….
Here are the quotes from the past two weeks:
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”
I think it’s so important to really remember this. What we see on the outside, what we see on social media, or even what people tell us initially, is often not the whole story. We need to always err on the side of compassion and “find explanations in charity.” Everyone has a story. Everyone has a struggle.
I sometimes hear people “compare problems.” Death is worse than divorce. Depression is better than anxiety. Chronic illness is worse than acute. It’s better to miscarry than to lose a month old baby. It’s easier to have money problems earlier in life than it is later. It’s worse to have a troubled teenager than a troubled young adult.
And maybe some situations are way worse than others. Who knows? No one has experienced it all.
The worst situation – to you – is the one that you find yourself coping with.
I’m not a big advocate on “comparing problems”. I’m a big advocate in developing empathy and recognizing that everyone is dealing with their own pain and carrying their own personal cross.
So just be kind.
“People’s circumstances are often merely a reflection of the choices they make.”
This one always makes me think.
Because, I agree and I disagree.
The power of choice is incredible, and we make tiny choices every day that determine our circumstances. So, it’s very important to choose wisely. One of my favourite books right now, “Atomic Habits” by James Clear, talks a lot about the power of seemingly inconsequential decisions that shape our success in big ways.
At the same time, we are also impacted by other people’s choices. We don’t have complete control over some things that happen to us – although we have complete control over how we choose to deal with the situation.
And then there is the random, out of the blue, luck of the draw circumstances that are often unexplainable. Things like, why was I born at this time, in this country, to this family? Those circumstances are not a reflection of choices. And to me, they are really unexplainable right now.
Overall, it’s important that we consider very carefully what we have influence over and not underestimate the power that we do have.
It has been an interesting process starting up a side business these past few months.
The learning curve is steep. There is so much to learn!
I remind myself of how I felt when I was first starting out as an SLP. I never thought I’d get it, or be comfortable with it, or have things become second nature.
Here I am 20 years later, and while I still love to learn new things (and make a point to continue to learn), I have enough foundation that it is second nature.
I am so grateful that I had some awesome teachers. Awesome supervisors. Awesome fellow students and new grads. Awesome mentors. Awesome colleagues. I learned so much from them and am so grateful that they gave of their time and knowledge so freely. And over the years, I like to think that I give back freely to those who are seeking assistance.
I am so grateful for the abundance mentality that people had.
The mentality that there is enough knowledge to go around. That you don’t have to hide knowledge from others and keep it for yourself to make yourself look good. That there are opportunities everywhere for everyone.
Starting this new business, it is so clear to see how many live and thrive in with an abundance mentality. I ask a question – and they freely give help. Suggestions. Ideas. Advice. Guidance. Encouragement. These are the people I want to surround myself with. This is the kind of person I want to be. There are enough clients, enough destinations, enough choices, enough opportunities, enough knowledge to go around!
Unfortunately, I have also seen the scarcity mentality these past few months. I won’t help you because we are in competition. Or, you should know that. Or, you should be researching that on your own. Or, I had to figure it out, so should you. (Which I do believe you need to be doing the work – so you need to make sure you are doing it and just sitting back wanting others to do it for you!) Helping is threatening. Or too time consuming. Or just not fair.
What a difference it makes when you encounter someone living from a place of abundance than from a place of scarcity. It is night and day. You feel it. You feel love, generosity, encouragement and support when they are coming from abundance. And if they come from scarcity, it’s easy to feel ashamed, stupid, frustrated and undeserving when you reach out for help.
We can’t control if others are living with scarcity or abundance. But we can choose where we want to come from. We can choose to believe there is enough love to go around, enough opportunities to ensure everyone is wildly successful, and enough kindness and support that will never run out. We are not in competition with anyone. We don’t need to be. We can give generously, freely and kindly. There is always more from where that came from.
Reggie lies on anything that is ours. Maybe it makes him feel close to us:
This made me chuckle so I shared it with my sassy kids:
Josh had another soccer tournament and went with his Dad. This was the picture I got:
A summer night trip to Dairy Queen (and capturing a brother fight)
Soccer summer skies:
Love this text from Zandra that she can hear my bracelet. It’s a little joke in our family that they know I’m coming bcs they hear the jingle:
Some fun church pics (with Reggie thrown in there, lol) :
We headed out after church one Sunday in August to visit Rob’s Mom, then got the privilege of hearing Pres Nelson speak in Hamilton:
These kids went on a fun double date to Canada’s wonderland:
Some behind the scenes of our family photo shoot:
We went to our fave Vietnamese restaurant after the photo shoot:
Brotherly tickles:
Zach’s trying to prepare me emotionally for him leaving for a mission next summer and highlights things for me in books:
Date night celebrating Rob’s new job:
Family day for Rob’s work at the Jay’s game (while Josh had his own soccer game and played goalie ):
Josh won some of the finals for the league and regionals:
My fave pic of my crew:
Zach baking for school fundraiser:
Reggie took some notes during General conference:
Josh played goalie again in regionals (team goalie was injured) and was awesome and had a shut out for a win:)
Loves his mom:)
Little missy here made the school tennis team!! Go Zandra go!!
My first real pie crust!
Saying good bye to good friend heading on a mission! Can’t believe it!!
That’s a catch up from the summer!! We are well into fall now!
I am a bit behind in sharing my quotes. We did have a couple of good ones the past two weeks:
“Happiness is the place between too much and too little.” (A Finnish Proverb)
and
“It better were within, better would come out” (Simon Patrick)
These quotes tie nicely into what we have been talking about all year around here. The idea of our thoughts being the most important thing to concern ourselves about as they lead to our feelings, actions and results in our life.
I borrow from “The Model” as Brook Castillo refers to it as (love how this woman teaches things).
The Model is as follows:
CIRCUMSTANCES: we all have a certain set of circumstances in our life – which are usually out of our control. If we can change them, they are very slow to change, but often they are unchangeable. For example, who are family is, what the weather is like, what happened to us in the past. Despite the reality that our circumstances are our of our control (or at least very difficult to control), we often lament them, or get stuck in them, or think about the unfairness of them, or become victim to them – but really, they are what they are. Suck it up buttercup. (Maybe a little too harsh, but it is what it is)
THOUGHTS: Our thoughts are what we do have complete control over. What we think about our circumstances. Positive thoughts or negative thoughts. What we tell ourselves. The stories we make up about ourselves and other people. We have full control of our thoughts. And since we think upwards of how many thoughts per day?? I’ve heard 60,000 referenced – then it DOES make a difference if we are controlling them and choosing positive ones or negative ones.
FEELINGS: Our thoughts basically dictate our feelings. If we are feeling low, then we can often link it to a negative thought. If we are feeling good, then chances are we have some good thoughts coursing through our brain. If we want to feel better – then we need to change our thoughts. Sounds simple – and for sure it can be oversimplified (and of course there are mental illness issues that aren’t as simple – but this is a place to start – in addition to getting the appropriate support that professionals can offer to help cope with more complex issues) But basically thoughts lead to feelings.
ACTION: Depending on how we feel, we will take action or non action. We will do or we will not do.
RESULTS: Our results are the final outcome. If we do – there is a result. If we don’t do – there is a result. If you don’t like the results you are getting, many people will turn to blame the circumstances, but the reality (in pretty much most cases I can think of) has to do with something going wrong in the middle stages. And they are all linked together. You can take a result and see how you got there based on your actions or non actions, and know that what you did or did not do as based on how you felt, and see that you felt that way because of a certain story that was going through your brain….
So, when it comes to happiness and where you find it? Happiness is the result (or could be the feeling) Either way, it is not caused by your circumstances. It’s all tied to your thoughts – and in this case, your thoughts about too much or too little.
If better were within, better would come out – if you have better thoughts, you will get better results (and be kinder all around too).
Simplified version, but the truth is, most things are pretty simple. We complicate them by creating the drama in our thoughts….