Embracing the Mess (?!?!)

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I’m a bit of a stress case sometimes.

My family can attest to it.

My mind is always racing, I’ve always got something that needs to be done (or feel I should be doing something else), multitasking, running around, you may know the drill.

But recently it has really bugged me. And I’m tired, sooooooo tired. Can it be that I’m even more tired now that my kids are older than when they were babies?!?! Maybe not more, but certainly neck and neck.

One thing that helps calm me down and stop the wheels spinning is a sense of order.

I love order.

Except for my office which looks to the untrained eye a bit disorderly (but really each pile is representative of something that I understand), I try to keep the house pretty near and tidy.

And I try to get everyone chipping in with that request.

I really do think an orderly home provides a sense of security, clarity and peace.

But. I will admit. Sometimes to get to the state of orderliness that my brain needs, I end up not being so peaceful and nagging and raising my voice and getting pretty mad at those around who are not contributing to the order.

I mean, does it not take effort to step over that pile of things on the stairs (that are yours I might add) when you are heading up to your room? When you have to move your bag out of the way, is it not an indicator to put your bag away? Do the dirty socks on the family room floor really look like they belong? Is the soccer ball rolling around in the front entrance for the tenth day supposed to be there?

It was the soccer ball that got me the other day.

We live in the city. Our front entrance is small. We have 7 people in this house. That’s a minimum of 14 shoes (and really each person often has more than one pair of shoes there despite me begging for them to be put away), 7 jackets, tons of hats and mitts, all fighting for space in the front entrance.

Yet for the past week there have also been 2 soccer balls rolling around.

Why?

WHY????

No reason. “We have soccer”. But not today!?!?

But then it hit me. I had a flash forward. To when there were no soccer balls.

No 24 pairs of shoes.

No baseball hats. No bags not hung up. No snow pants hanging on the door knob.

It was neat and tidy.

And empty.

I took a picture of the soccer balls. One day I might miss them.

I was talking to my girlfriend the other day who suggested I need to look at some of the things I try to do and “just let go”. Not place the same priority on everything in my life. I need to sort out what’s important and what’s not. I need to look at conserving some of my energy and getting the biggest bang for my buck.

I remember reading a quote that said “messy is not dangerous“. It’s ok that my kids make a mess (sometimes). We will be ok. I need to focus on the dangerous and let go of *some* of the messy. Maybe?

But, that’s not to say that I won’t be after them all the time:)) I still believe in a house of order. But I’m going to try not to stress about it or worry about it. I will try to remember that one day the mess will be gone, so it’s ok for it to stay a bit now.

Gonna try.

What are some of the things you need to “let go” during this crazy time of child rearing?

Happy 10th Birthday Josh!

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I can’t believe my boy is turning 10 today.

Ten!

Double digits!!

Another interesting thing about being in a blended family is how your position in the family changes, sort of. He’s a middle child here now, but still part of the “little guys” as I call them. He’s the youngest at his Dad’s. But truthfully, he’s my baby no matter where he falls in the pecking order now.

Ten years ago a little squirrely fella entered this world, screamed for about a year, then tantrumed for another 3.5 years, then grew like a weed, and became the cutest barbaloot, an expert soccer player and the greatest guy in the world! Well, you know, despite our rocky and colicky start, he was also the cutest little snuggle bug when he took his crying breaks… And he still is! I love to cuddle with him at bed and exchange secrets and kisses.

What top 10 things do I love most about this guy, besides everything?

1) He is a riot! He makes us laugh and laugh. He does the silliest things, says the silliest things and in general, can act totally silly.

2) He can be super sensitive too. Something emotional on tv, or hears an emotional story, or really feels the spirit and little tears spring to his eyes. Then he quickly checks to see if I’m crying, even touching my eyes if it’s dark to check for my tears!

3) This boy can move! He can dance, he can run, and boy can he move on the soccer field.

4) Although he was MVP on his rep soccer team, he is super humble when it comes to soccer on his team. He encourages other team players, doesn’t criticize, builds others up (hmmmm now if only we can translate that to home life with his siblings:))

5) He LOVES his sweets! I mean LOVES! He actually loves food in general (well the kinds he likes – we need to exclude vegetables – I force those). It is so fun to cook with him on our Surprise Sunday turns because he takes it so seriously: carefully selects the whole meal and is totally excited to cook it with me.

6) He’s super quirky! Doesn’t want to make his bed, so will sleep on top of it. Plays video games while sitting on Horsey Brown. Loves cuddly blankets and big fluffy socks. Names everything- every stuffy, blanket, item he uses (we go bowling and he names his favorite ball).

7) He is super passionate. About so many things! Hard to let go sometimes, but he’s a fighter! He will die trying!

8) He can be the best brother. Big and little. My heart melts when he is all “brotherly”. Yes, they all fight, but he loves being part of his brotherhood.

9) Still loves his Mama. Hugs, kisses, barbaloot tales, weary hobo, sings special songs with me (and will practice karaoke!), exchange blackboard notes and pictures, and of course engages in the constant “I love you more” debate (so cute when he scrambles to hang up the phone after saying it so I can’t say it back!)

10) Is an all around amazing, sensitive, funny, smart, fast, handsome, spiritual , passionate, kind, all around spectacular guy!!!

For his birthday, he invited a few friends over for a movie party. He loves the snacks that always accompanies birthday movie parties:)

We had pizza and then cake. What better cake for him than a soccer ball cake (with a little team to go with it). It was a surprise (and I’m quite impressed I was able to do it) and he was pretty pleased;

We then had a little celebration with Rob’s family. We don’t have everyone for Josh’s actual birthday, so it was our big “family celebration”. Grammy made another cake for him.

Zandra made him this amazing little pillow. He only looks less than thrilled because it has a little birdie on it and it says “#1 Birdie”. She calls him “Birdie”, but he claims to hate being called that!

For his actual bday (which is today) we will celebrate with a little dinner, the famous candy poster, and a couple of gifts (will add pictures later!)

Appendix:

We had a great dinner, “Paulette’s Chicken and Donuts”, and Josh enjoyed his gifts: candy poster, a soccer magazine and calendar, a “makeyour own fuzzy guy like Chris kit”, and some good old cash:) He also loved a soccer book Zach made him: pictures of him throughout the year playing soccer, holding his trophy and some pictures of his favorite players. Zach also had a very funny running commentary for each page!

Happy 10th Birthday Barbaloot Man! !!

Love you more,
Mama Barbaloot

Travel Tips: Travelling with kids: get them involved!

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So far I have a favorite part of prepping for this big trip  of ours.

As excited as we all are to go away, I wanted the kids to really be excited.

They all love to travel, and they all enjoy being away (especially missing some school), but I wanted them to feel some “ownership”.

Ideally, if they were older, I’d have them really involved in the planning; like assigning them a spot to research and tell us what we can do in each spot.

But, since they aren’t old enough yet to do that, I had to find a simpler way to get them involved. So, for starters, what I did was present them with some different itinerary options last summer. Of course,  they all chose the one that included a little getaway to Fiji for 4 days too.

I then went off and did tons (and I mean TONS) of research.  I bounced my ideas off of Rob, and he has been researching certain areas too (especially the ones where we are doing some driving). We found the main spots we can visit (that worked with airline tickets), researched hotels, and then some activities we can do. I’ve been doing this for months now. Kinda overwhelming I have to admit. But exciting too!

But this past month has been by far my favorite prep month!

I wrote down on little pieces of paper all the activities we were thinking of, all the areas we are visiting, some of the different options of things we haven’t quite decided about, and even some of the hotels and folded them up and placed them in a jar.

Every week, everyone pulls a paper and has to research the topic for the following week. They then have to present their activity/place/hotel at FHE. They also have to read reviews and make recommendations as to whether it is worth is or not for us to do/see/say.

It certainly has been fun to hear all about different things we have in store!

It’s also super cute to see what the kids are finding “important” to tell us: did you know that “we will get fresh clean towels in the bathroom in Fiji”? Yup. And we have lists of places to eat (and the average prices of main meals) in Cairns!

We’ve heard about day trips in the Fijian islands, ferry rides, bridges, caves, geysers, shows, and little bits of history. It certainly has helped is all get a little bit more excited. Here’s a couple of samples of their hard work:

I’m hoping that when we’re there, everyone will be that much more engaged. At least they better be:)

Less than a month to go….

Quote of the Week

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In keeping with the travel theme this month, I saw this one and knew we had to feature it as a quote of the week!

How true is this?

Of all the things I do buy, I enjoy travel the most, that’s for sure:) And I truly believe it does make you much richer.

Monthly Snaps of Life

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Here’s a few snaps of our everyday life last month:

Date with Zach at Burger Stomper (Ontario really needs to learn how to make poutine though), Josh reading in bed, I am the winner of the  “I Love You More” debate – I got a sign, Zach and Zandra hanging out doing some drawing,  Sunday Surprise dinner making with Josh

Zach in stripes and Zandra at the Middle School orientation, Sam and Josh reading together in bed, first family dinner with our new dining room table, signing our table to remember forever, cutey note from Josh doing the grandparent letter this week, Josh thinks he will win the “I Love You More” debate by changing the blackboard, Josh doesn’t want to make his bed – so sleeps on top of it, snow snakes before school.



Kids gone for a walk in the Brickworks with Rob, Sam is Yoda with his walking stick, finally our teenager in some winter gear, pretty girl Zandra

Recipe: Spaghetti Vongole

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There’s this cute little Italian place near us that makes the best Spaghetti Vongole.

We always order from there for Mother’s Day, and always get the same 4 dishes.

Vongole is always at the top of my list.

It can’t be hard right?

Well I tried it.

It was sooooo good. We even had it two nights in one week because it was simply delicious and super easy to make. Unfortunately, I’m a “little bit of this, a little bit of that” kind of cook, so you’ll have to eyeball things and go by taste.

Ingredients:
extra virgin olive oil (EVOO)
garlic (minced)
red pepper flakes (to taste)
apple juice/white wine (about 1/2 cup)
chicken broth (about 1 cup – or more, I like things saucy)
lemon juice (about 1/2 lemon)
Parmesan
parsley (as much as you want – fresh and chopped)
2 cans baby clams
heavy cream (about 2 tbsp)
Butter (about a tbsp)
spaghetti
green onions (chopped)

Swirl around some EVOO in pan, add as much minced garlic as you like and a few red pepper flakes. Saute garlic a bit, then add apple juice/white wine. Let it boil a few minutes, then add chicken broth, and lemon juice. Bring that to a boil (let boil a bit), then let simmer to reduce a little. Add in lots of fresh chopped parsley. Then add in your clams and their juice (no need to drain). Let that all simmer together. When almost ready to serve, add in the tbsp of butter and stir in the heavy cream, mixing well. You can probably add more if you want more creamy, or completely avoid the calories and not add any (likely can skip the butter too). But the hint of cream/butter just made it all the more yummy I think.

Meanwhile, of course you’ve boiled salted water and made your pasta, so when it is al dente, drain.  Toss pasta with the clam sauce. Top with parmesan cheese, green onions and smidgen of pepper.

Enjoy!

Study Tips: Study Skills 108

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It’s been a little while since I’ve blogged a new study tip, but that is not to say we haven’t been talking about them around here….

With lots of tests and report card season ahead of us, we have been reviewing all the other tips I’ve written about here and here and here and here, for example. You can read why this study series all came about here.

But this is an easy one that I do with all my clients, and now that my kids are older, have started to get them to do.

It’s so simple, and such common sense. So that means most people never do it:

Make a grade/mark tracking sheet for each course.

Label a sheet with its appropriate course name (e.g. Math, English, French)

If you know what assignments you have in each class, then mark them all down, with due dates.

If you don’t know (younger guys won’t know), just make 3 columns : DATE, WHAT IT IS (test, project, homework) and GRADE.

As you get assignments back, or tests back, or homework back, fill in each column.

By the time your report card comes along, you should have a pretty good idea where you are at and have no surprises!

I know this because last semester we had a little surprise with one of our kids. He had been saying how well he was doing, expecting an A overall.

Well lo and behold, the C arrived and he was shocked  (maybe even more than us!).  Of course, he hadn’t been keeping close tabs on “where he was at” with grades, so figured that the one 90 he got would carry him through the semester, and he didn’t have to worry about all the 60’s and 70’s….

He’s smartened up pretty fast, and the others have followed suit.

We used to be much more lax on grades when we first blended because everyone had different habits, expectations, skills etc. But now, we’ve worked really hard at establishing a good routine, a clear set of expectations and provided lots of support, and hey, even some study tips! So now a not-so-hot-grade- isn’t the best idea to bring home. If you are keeping track of your grades, you will know if your grade won’t be so hot and you better go chat with the teacher and come to us to have a little discussion.

Quote of the week

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With exactly one month to our big trip, I though it would be appropriate to have a travel quote:

“The world is a book…those who do not travel read only one page”.

I also thought it was specifically appropriate as Gabe went and saw his school VP today with a letter from us and a copy of the itinerary as proof (as requested by the Principal) to discuss missing some school.

I get how important school is, and I get how missing school really causes a student to fall behind, but this VP read Gabe the riot act I tell you. About how irresponsible his parents are to pull him out of school (well that was the gist).

My response: “Whatever”.

Sorry, I mean, I GET all the reasons we should NOT pull our kids out of school for one week (we are taking an extra week before our March break to make the trip longer), but I’m wondering do they get all the reasons we SHOULD pull them out?

Do they understand what benefits exposure to travel has on a young mind? How it broadens their perspectives and provides an education in itself? An education and a passion that can burn on for YEARS?

Do they get the kind of quality time you get with your family when you travel? The bonding that occurs and the memories that are created are LIFE LASTING?

Do they understand how important the uninterrupted time is for a BLENDED family?? For two whole weeks we don’t have to go back and forth, negotiate, deal with stupidities and petty issues. We get to cocoon together and just be our family uninterrupted.

Of course we know our kids will fall behind and need to catch up. And of course we understand that teachers are in no way obligated to help the kids out who miss school for reasons like this. But we know our kids will make the work up, and we will help them catch up.

(And actually, sorry, I don’t get why teachers won’t help out. I know they say, “Imagine if all our students do this. Imagine all the extra work that would create”. But not all the students do do this. And I don’t see how hard it is to tell a kid: read this chapter, learn these concepts and have this completed by this date).

But we know good teachers, who actually care about a child’s whole development will be willing to help us out. Especially the ones who use their summers off to travel….:)

Yes there is something about travel that falls in the highest level of education in my mind, and I’m thrilled to be able to educate my family in that way.

Let’s Talk Money: Stocks

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Way back here, I explained how this blog is used as my way of recording our journey together as a family, to share my thoughts on motherhood and stepmotherhood, and to leave some advice/info for my kids in the event that I am not around when they actually start caring about certain things, or they just prefer to read rather than hear me go on and on and on and on.

So, I had started to write a bit about Money.

Just the basic stuff. Money interests me, and as I have said in previous posts, I want my kids to be familiar with money stuff.

The other day, Gabe asked me a questions which led to a little discussion on money. Investments in particular. And stocks even more specifically.

I shared with him something that I have been learning over the years, and how Rob and I have started to manage our oodles and oodles of money (I joke of course).

Now many will disagree with this idea. That’s OK. Many agree with it and that is where I got it from!

Most importantly, it is simple and it makes sense to me.

If you are going to invest in stocks (and we can have a whole discussion about whether you should invest in stocks), then invest in: ones that pay dividends and ones for products and services that you will always use and need.

What does that mean? Well, go read about dividends. Basically, it’s a portion of a company’s profit that they pay out to shareholders (people who own stocks in the company). When you are a shareholder, you can collect a little dividend per share you own. (Other tip: always reinvest those shares). You can also do some research about which companies have a good history of paying good dividends.

But here’s the main point : Invest in things that people will always use and need! Think about it, if there is a huge recession, people will still brush their teeth, still heat their houses, still use soap, still drink coke (yup), still wash their clothes etc.

So invest in the companies that have been making these products for years if you want to diversify with a few stocks in your investments.

Stay away from trendy things, or things like airlines and cars, or new and unproven things. Of course you can invest in these things (and make a killing), but they aren’t as safe. So, just beware:)

Start with a couple of your favourite products and services that you always use and invest!

(Just be careful about investing in the company that you work for… if you lose your job because they go under, guess what will happen to those stocks too…best not to put all your eggs in one basket).

Happy Investing!

The meaning of snow boots

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Snow.

Not that’s it’s unusual at this time of year, given we do live in Canada, but were we expecting it?

I didn’t hear about it.

And when you’re divorced, even snow takes on a new meaning.

Seriously.

When I was newly divorced it meant hours of shoveling. By myself. With two little kids. So it was a dreaded day. Similar to garbage nights, that I talked about here.

Though I now have Robbie to shovel:)))(and 5 older kids), snow still has “divorce meaning”, especially for the kids.

It’s the boots.

Yup.

The boot run.

I got a text this morning from Zach. They need their winter boots. They had been at their Dad’s last night, and we weren’t expecting snow, so they did not bring their boots. They would swing by and get them before school.

As I waited at the window for their arrival, I saw my neighbor’s ex wife pull up in front of his house, hop out of her car and run up to his door. She waited a few moments and then she was handed…. Boots.

The divorce boots.

It actually got me a little sad:(

Most kids see snow and get excited! Yay! Snow! Let’s play!!

But divorce kids? They first look out the window and see snow and think: where are my boots? Where are my snow pants? Do I have my gloves here?

So while I like to focus on all the positive, sometimes these little things make me sad.

I guess the positive light is that this sadness in turn can help me be a bit more compassionate towards all those “divorce” kids, who, through no fault of their own, have a few more things on their mind and a few more responsibilities to contend with other than the usual childhood stuff.

So when they hear “Wow, you are so lucky! You get two vacations and extra presents for Christmas and birthdays”, they can fire back and say “Yes, but you don’t have to worry about where your boots are.”

And then I will give them an extra hug for the extra load they have to carry.