Losing track of days…

Posted on by
Reply

Rob slept in today.

He actually woke me up (or so he thought) at 7:00 and said “Hey, we slept in”.

I had already been awake at 5:30, but since it was cloudy saw that the sunrise wouldn’t be so impressive, so I tried to catch a few more winks.

He got to sleep in, but then I dragged him to the beach to run! We left the kids in the house. It was a little daring as only Zach and Josh were awake and they are the most likely to go to war with each other…but nonetheless we wanted to get a run along the beach together.

We started running, and immediately Rob started looking for sharks in the water. We weren’t even going IN the water right then. Apparently, his sister informs me, when they used to go to Hilton Head when they were kids, she used to read up all about sharks and share that info with him. So thanks CJ. You created a monster.

We got back and all the kids had survived. Rob wanted to take a tour at the pier in Duck where the Army Corps of Engineers do Ocean Studies. Gabe wanted to go with him. Both guys enjoy collecting bits of information, so off they went to learn all about the ocean around here.

The rest of us headed to the beach! We tried out the new Boogie boards. They jumped in the waves and tried to catch fish.

They also set up a “boogie board waxing station” where they polished their boards….

Gabe and Rob joined us after their tour. They joined us in the water before we all headed back for lunch.

After lunch, we headed back to the beach and did more of the same. Everyone did some sand castle building too.

And we had some good talks in the ocean in between waves. I just finished reading a book called “Hold on to your Kids” by Gordon Neufled and Gabor Mate. They talk about how kids open up to you (parents) when they have no distractions of peers or others around them. Family vacations are special times because it is a unique bonding time and your kids will open up to you in so many ways as the vacation progresses. This certainly was true today! We talked about some deep topics and feelings in between being knocked over by waves.

There were a few “paybacks” going on too: The boys buried Zandra’s boogie board, then Rob helped Zandra bury Zach (he was not happy) and tried to get Josh too.

We headed back and rested a bit before having a delicious lobster meal. It was the first time for some of the kids to have lobster – it was a huge hit!

Evening was our usual ice cream, flashlight tag and Starlight, Starbright before heading off to bed.

It was a perfectly ordinary beach day.

Heading South

Posted on by
Reply

I think Rob is going to kill me if I wake him up one more morning at 5:45am to go and see the sunrise.

But it was pretty spectacular this morning.

And since he was up, he might as well take Gabe and Zach to go play tennis.

Poor guy. I have to admit. He is tired. Tomorrow, I promised him, he could just sleep as long as he wanted.

While they were out playing tennis, I packed up our stuff for another mini road trip. Yesterday, we went to the most northern beach in the Outer Banks and today the plan was to go to the sounthern most tip, and take the ferry across to Ocracoke island – supposedly one of nation’s best beaches can be found there. And I’m all about finding a good beach.

We were ready to roll at 8:40. The kids were a little skeptical about another 2 hour trip – but I popped in The Brady Bunch and oohed and ahhed and pointed out all the beauty we drove by and we were good to go.

I also told them all about a book I’m reading, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” (more on that in a later post).

We drove through the more touristy Kitty Hawk, and Kill Devil’s Head; grateful that we had chosen Duck to be our location. But then the commercialism stopped as we headed to Nag’s Head and by the time we got to Rodanthe – I had found love again.

Incidentally, it was the “Nights in Rodanthe” movie with Richard Gere (yuck) and Diane Lane (love) that first sparked my interest in the Outer Banks so I was thrilled to drive through this spot. Unfortunately the house in the movie had undergone some massive damage since the movie a few years ago due to storms and was due to be condemned last year. However, it was bought and then relocated further down the strip – but I couldn’t find it:(

We continued through little towns of Salvo, Avon and Frisco, until hitting Cape Hatteras, where the ferry is located to get to Okracoke. We got in line for the ferry, only to speak with one of the workers who informed us it was an 1.75 hour wait to get on the 45 minute ferry ride. We would not get there for another 3 hours.

We quickly ditched that plan and all voted (except for Sam – who really has no concept on how long 3 hours can be just waiting) to find another beach.

We settled on the Cape Hatteras beach and lugged our stuff across the foot bridge over the sand dune and arrived at a beautiful beach, with tons of shells for collectors, big crashing waves, but a huge shallow area too. We quickly set up camp and then headed out to the waves.

The waves reminded me the ones I experienced in Wells Beach, Maine when we used to go when I was a kid. They are rough, but not too rough, and they begin crashing pretty far out, and then crash again near the beach. Sometimes there are double or triple waves all attached together. Except the water here was way warmer:)

We literally spent hours out there together jumping them and diving into them.

I have to admit at first I was feeling a little intimidated by the waves. Joshua sensed my hesitancy, so he said, “Mom. You have to love the wave. You have to think like the wave. You have to be the wave”. I took his advice and became one with the wave! It was so fun – like being a child again. We had to shake Rob of his fear of sharks…but he eventually became “one with the wave” and we succombed to the childish pleasure of jumping in waves. Except it’s even better when you are jumping with your kids, watching them as children enjoy they waves.

A few poses for the camera:

We stopped to eat lunch, the kids played some beach soccer, and everyone spent some time searching for the perfect shell. Especially these two:

By mid afternoon we were zonked. We had originally said we would stop at another beach on the way home, but everyone was a bit beached out. We headed back, enjoying the Brady Bunch again along the way. We also stopped to buy more boogie boards for the rest of the trip as the ones that came with our house were a bit destroyed.

Dinner, was a meaty one – finally! We went to a place called “Sooey’s BBQ” – a Southern BBQ place where we had ribs, southern fried chicken, pulled porc, baked beans, mac n cheese and mashed potatoes. Not my fave, but the kids loved it and were stuffed!

After dinner, the kids played a bit and then relaxed in front of some mindless TV. Who said TV is not good for kids? I’m begging them to watch it at the end of the day. Vacationing with them is awesome, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world but it is tiring!!! Rob and I lay on the hammock to read a bit and then transferred over to our bed so he could have a quick snooze while I did a bit of writing….

Evening brought a trip to the beach for flashlight tag and Starlight Starbright. Only Sam, Josh and Zach wanted to go though as everyone else was too tired. We made our wishes, ran around for a bit and then everyone crashed.

It’s amazing how tiring doing nothing all day can be:)

Wild horses could not drag me away from you…

Posted on by
7

I think I sometimes get up a little too early.

Actually, I think Rob thinks I sometimes get up too early.

I was up at 5:30 this morning and peeked out the window onto the beach and saw that the sky was that beautiful warm pinky color. I dragged Rob out of bed to go lie in the hammock on the deck outside our room and watch the sunrise.

It wasn’t the best I’ve seen since it was a little cloudy. But it as pretty. And peaceful. And nice to be alone with my man.

We both slipped back to bed – with our laptops unfortunately as we both had a little work to do (I told Rob he needs to tell his boss that the past two days can’t be considered vacation days given how much he has had to work). Zach came and got me at 7am and we went for our run/walk – in the other direction of the beach.

After breakfast it was looking a little cloudy and like it was going to storm. We decided to load into the car and drive north to Corolla, and then Carova – onto the beach to see if we could see any of the “wild horses” Carova is famous for.

Rob let some of the air out of our tires (as he read that helps drive on sand) and we started driving on the beach. It was pretty cool.

The kids loved the bumpy part! We were right beside the ocean – and then we saw lots of dolphins jumping in the very close distance.

We think we also saw a shark. Not so good. The kids wanted to open the window and yell “Shark” to the family that was swimming nearby. I didn’t let them – knowing if I read about another shark attack in the news tomorrow (there was a little girl attacked last week just off the Outer Banks) I’d feel pretty guilty – but I’m not sure my family is the best at spotting real sharks so I didn’t want to cause panic. At any rate, there were a lot of dolphins!

We went a few miles on the beach and then headed over the sand dunes. The kids loved this and kept wanting Rob to really go offroading – hello – we are already driving on sand dunes and not a road – how much more off roading can we get? We are from Toronto!?!? I threw the “Say yes to more things” out the window for this one as I did not want to get stuck.
We had to go through some deep puddles, so that seemed to satisfy the troops.

Finally, in the distance, wild horses. They were just wandering. Sort of looked like they were in someone’s yard – not much different than if you saw them on a farm, but they roamed freely. And they have been here since the 1300’s. That confused the kids a bit. “So how old are they”? We explained that it wasn’t literally the same horse that has been around that long… but his family! Beautiful.

We drove around a bit and spotted a few more; walking parking lots, through people’s yards, along the path. I really had dreamed of seeing one on the beach though. We then headed back to the beach.

We stopped and parked on the beach and everyone got out and played some soccer (or built a castle with a tunnel).

I was beginning to regret not packing everyone’s swim stuff and a picnic, because the beach was gorgeous and the sun was shining:)

However, I get to say “Yes” more now that we are on vacation! So the kids stripped down to their undies (Zach needed convincing – Zandra was yelling “I feel so free” (even though she had to wear a t-shirt too!) and ran and played in the waves. Rob just went in in his shorts and I tied my dress up (and only went up to my knees). The kids had a blast. The “underwear swim” really added to the excitement.

The waves were beautiful. Dolphins could be seen and it was so refreshing.

But I wanted the horses right there on that beach in that moment too.

After air drying a bit (and doing a little photo shoot)and doing our best not to be too uncomfortable we headed back.

Just as we were leaving…wild horses by the edge of the beach. Zach said, “Mom, just what you wanted. Is that close enough to the beach for you to make it perfect”? Yes, it was.

We went home for lunch and then a little quiet time. After relaxing a bit, we went back to “our” beach and hit the waves again. I had no camera this time – which was too bad because the waves were enormous! The whole beach looked totally different. The waves were vicious – thrashing the kids in every direction. Josh got a couple of bruises from smashing into people; Sam was just too little to get too close. Again, the kids loved it and we spent some time swimming before being hauled out of the water by Rob – who again, is freaked about sharks and didn’t want us swimming too close to dusk.

Everyone went back and took a shower in the two outdoor showers – smartest invention – I think there was about a pound of sand that came from my swimsuit alone!

After a seafood pasta dinner (promised to give Gabe some meat tomorrow), Rob took the 2 little guys and Zandra to play some tennis. The older guys just chilled and are planning to go with Rob for some tennis tomorrow morning. I just sat on the sunset balcony and watched the sunset and listened to the waves crash.

I could live here.

After dark we headed out with our flashlights and icecream down to the beach. We played a game of “laser tag” as Sam calls it (with the flashlights). Tonight, the stars were all out so we did our traditional wishes.

In 2009 we rented a cottage on Lake Manitouwabing and I introduced them to “Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. Wish I may, wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight”. At that time, Josh and Sam had a hard time remembering the words and every night we laughed at Josh’s little rendition of the “Starlight” verse.

Now, they have all mastered it and I just have to say “Star…” and they all recite it in unison (See, we are somewhat like the Von Trapp’s ).

Anyhow, we all picked our star and made our wishes, then compared which star we used. The kids get all excited if they have picked the same bright star as you!

Sam came up to me and said “I wished that we would stay here for 3 weeks”. The older kids then told him his wish wouldn’t come true because he had told me:(

Later at night we were tucking Josh and Sam in bed (they decided to share a room together – which is good since they go to bed a bit earlier on some nights). Sam,in a very serious voice, asked Rob “If I wished for 2 more weeks in North Carolina, how will I know my wish will come true”. Could you just melt??? Rob laughed and gave him a big kiss. Then I said, “You want to come back here again, don’t you”? He smiled and nodded and drifted off to Neverneverland.

Don’t we all wish that.

I don’t usually have too many repeat vacations on my list as I like exploring new things. But this is certainly a must repeat.

Outerbanks – Day 3

Posted on by
Reply

A perfect day.

Woke up early and went for a run on the beach with Zach. I love these early morning runs. Although, it turned into more walking with Zach stopping every few minutes (seconds) to look for shells, or study a fish. We then got back and the whole house was still asleep (except Rob who had to do some work) so headed to the grocery store to pick up some things we had forgotten. While there, we stopped at Duck Donuts and bought some yummy homemade donuts. Remember, “Say Yes More Often”.

We headed to the beach; pretty nice to be able to walk a few feet and plunk all our stuff and be right at the ocean. This is our house from the beach in Duck:

This is the beach:

We all frolicked in the water, with the dolphins swimming in the background. Seriously. It was pretty amazing. We boogie boarded and body surfed.

Of course there were the fights too:

I went for a long walk with all the boys while Rob stayed back swimming with Zandra for some Daddy/daughter time. The boys were hunting dead little fish. Full fish, fish bodies and bonus points for just the heads. Gross. They even found a little squid.

We headed back for lunch and then had some “quiet reading time”. We always do this on vacation – Rob reads with Sam, I read with Josh and the older ones find a cozy corner to read. The hammock is the popular spot here. After reading (and snoozing a bit – Rob fell asleep on the hammock and I snuck in a short nap while the kids played some baseball in carport), we went to the “club” pool. It is on the sound side, right on the water. We swam and raced each other and cooled off in general!

We headed into town to do some shopping and get gas. Josh had seen a store called “Life is Good” based on characters in a book he had read at school. We had checked it out the day before when we arrived and he had seen a shirt for his Dad that he wanted to buy. He had becomes semi obsessed with bugging us to take him back there. He’s not very good at the delayed gratification thing, so we all went back and he chose one for his Dad. We also picked up a couple of “signs” for our house, and a water soccer ball.

After another yummy dinnner (shrimp and ahi tuna – Gabe is a trooper – he is not a huge fan of seafood, so we are going to have to get him a burger/rib/steak meal at some point), we relaxed. The older kids watched a few shows, and Josh and Sam hung out with me on the hammock (Rob had some work to do). It is so cute to just be with the little guys and watch Josh be the “big brother” and listen to their conversations. They are both so passionate and intense!

Finally when it was dark, we armed ourselves with ice cream cones and flashlights and went down to the beach and played some flashlight tag! The kids loved it – and I have to admit – it’s pretty cool being out there in the dark with only flashlight lighting the way.

We saw some crabs too (and a fox too but I didn’t get a picture!)

It was a little cloudy so no stars:( We headed back and hit the hot tub for a bit and chatted. It’s amazing how much you can talk with the kids “casually” about some heavy stuff when they are relaxed and have just spent the whole day with you.

We all sat and watched some more shows and stayed up way too late. Alexandra was playing with my hair so that meant everyone stayed up way too late because I was not motivated to move. We had a few crash anyways…Josh sure loves our new soccer ball:)

Perfect ending to a perfect day.

Outerbanks Day 2

Posted on by
Reply

We woke up and quickly left our hotel this morning.

I figured since we were staying in a hotel that didn’t quite meet our expectations, what was the harm in letting the kids drink from a pop bottle at 7:30 in the morning? Zach was thrilled, “I always wanted to do this”! Remember my “Say yes more often” goal I set for this vacation?? I lived up to it. Soft drinks at 7:30 am – from the bottle no less. Of course they all wanted their picture taken to prove they had done it!

We headed over to Walmart to pick up some stuff. The kids had some gift cards from Aunt Judy and Uncle Jamie from all their past birthdays – and they saved them for here. They each bought a book or video. We were pretty excited to be so close to our final destination, so the ride was pretty easy and I forced the kids to absorb the scenery. We made a couple of stops; Zandra was playing hairdresser:

I was so excited to go over the bridge to the Outerbanks for my dream beach vacation and kept pointing out how beautiful it is!

We headed north to Duck and did a drive by our home “Bayley’s Light” (it wasn’t ready yet). We were very happy with what we saw! We continued heading up north, marvelling at the giant beach homes. Most of these giant ones fit between 20-30 people and rent out between $15000-25000 per WEEK!! I told the kids when we were all old and they were married, with kids, maybe we could come back and rent one of those big houses together and have a family reunion. Josh asked me if I could send him an email to remind him and give him all the details! LOL. That kid is so funny!! I told him we would probably talk before then and around then too! He said he still wants an email so he won’t forget.

We did some groceries, and then found a little fish place for lunch: Dockside N Duck. We had the guys steam and season up some shrimp and crab and feasted on a picnic table outside. THAT is what we came here for! The kids loved it!

Our house wasn’t ready yet, so we just hung out and watched Magnum PI in the car until we got the all clear to go in! We finally went in and everyone explored, selected their rooms (only minor altercations) and were bursting with excitement. We love it!

We walked the short path over the sand dune to the beach and went running into the ocean. The beach is amazing and we have our own spot in front of our house all to ourselves. The beach stretches for miles and miles each way. The water was really cold – but we were really hot so no one minded, and everyone had fun body surfing and collecting shells. Pretty darn close to my dream of just frolicking in the ocean with my hubby and kidlets…. Unfortunately, I had to head back to wait for groceries, so Rob hung out on the beach with the kids.

After beach time, we relaxed a bit reading, napping, tossing the football, and playing some baseball. Dinner was a bit interesting as we were prepared to grill, but the BBQ had no propane. Rob managed to make some yummy tilapia, tuna and crab cakes on the stove top anyway. Just at the end of dinner, Sam had his sick sense that a storm was brewing. We had planned on heading to the beach with some sparklers that Rob had picked up, but Sam was right and a HUGE thunder and lightning storm moved in. Pretty amazing. All the kids were freaked out though. We piled into our bed which faces the ocean to watch the lightning show. Man, were the kids freaked! I caught them off guard taking this picture in the dark. I told them to turn around and then took it – the flash got them pretty bad!!:

We then played a bit of “flashlight hide n seek” (since we couldn’t go to the beach with the flashlights) but had to stop shortly after because the kids were too freaked out with the storm! Sort of nice, because it still shows that they are all just our little babies after all:) They are watching a bit of TV now (or most of them are…some have crashed already!):

All in all, it was a great day! After the beach, when Zandra was showering in the outdoor shower (there are two of them!), she said to Rob, “We have to come back here again – exactly here”. Pretty good considering we’ve only been here a few hours.

I’ll be sure to send them all an email to give them the details of when we will be back!!

Roadtrip to the OuterBanks! Day One

Posted on by
Reply

Our goal was to leave by 5am and we weren’t too far off the marker. It is way easier waking kids up to go on vacation than it is for school. As I said in the last post, it’s sort of like Christmas; everyone springs out of bed!

We had a few minor setbacks in the first 45 minutes – forgetting some things, and then needing to find a bathroom quick for some nervous tummies, but we finally got on the road!

Our route took us through the States of New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland and then finally into Virginia. Along the way we played the license plate game on and off (with two teams and many arguments over who saw the plate first), used the “conversation cards” I had brought a long, listened to some talks and books on CD’s , watched a movie (“Big” with Tom Hanks), watched the first few episodes of the first season of the Brady Bunch (all the kids could really identify with the first few shows where all the kids go through all the “transition”), watched a bit of Archie (which was a flop) and a bit of The Beverly Hillbillies (which also was a flop) and some Magnum PI (they all loved…me too – it’s that theme song that gets me every time!). Then the kids also just slept a bit, we listened to some music, they watched me dance around a bit in the front seat lip syncing a few songs (right at the border too – how embarrassing), and chatted and talked about everything.

We stopped for lunch in Pennsylvania shortly before the Maryland border and then found a “Stuckies”! When Rob was a kid, his family used to drive to Hilton Head and they would stop at a place called “Stuckies” and buy these “pecan logs”. He had been telling the kids all about it, so was happy to find the place and then we loaded up on some pecan logs! They are good – but crazy super sweet.

We made a few pit stops. Here is the Welcome Center in Virginia:

Rob did most of the driving – but I took over for about 1.5 hours so he could get some sleep. Of course, I ended up taking over in the most traffic area outside of Washington D.C.!

We decided to stop at the outlets in Williamsburg, Virginia – give the kids a break and we knew they would want to go to a few of the outlet sports stores. They ended up going to “Lids” (where you can customize your own cap) and we spent about 1.5 hours there! They loved it though! We bought them each a cap as a souvenir from this trip (ya I know, we haven’t even arrived yet, but already have bought them their souvenir! Here are a few pics of that experience:

Josh chose an Adidas hat and had his name embroidered on the back in small letters, and the others all customized their hats with graphics and/or words.

Zandra and I also went to Claire’s. She loves looking at jewellery, makeup, bags, accessories etc. She picked out a necklace pair – two s’mores, each on a necklace – one said “best “and the other said “friend”. Sadly, one of her best friends just moved to England, so I wasn’t sure who she was planning on giving the other necklace to, so I asked her. She responded: “You!” My heart melted. I proudly put it on (or Rob attached it for me). She also got her cap made with “Sweet Pea” written on it in green – it is my little nickname for her. So cute!

I took the older 3 boys down to the Adidas store. After a bit of arguing with Josh, I let him spend his money on an Adidas shirt – that is white. This kid can’t keep a shirt clean for 20 seconds and I have to bleach ones that I can. This particular one can’t be bleached – but he insisted, and it is his money. The older boys each bought themselves a knapsack. Zach deliberated over it a lot because his knapsack that he has is perfectly fine, but he loved this Element one. He finally got it, and made the decision solo – which is big for him. Gabe had no probs buying a new Hurley backpack – but of course I owed him money for something else so to him, it didn’t feel like it was his own money or I suspect there would have been more deliberation!

We finally arrived at our hotel overnight in Hampton, Virginia. Let me just say, it was not the highlight of our day. Zach said, “Did you pay a lot for this place?”and Gabe asked, “Are we going to hear gunshots tonight”? Need I say more?? Simply a place to crash….

Today we are finally moving on to our final destination: Duck, Outer Banks. Can’t wait!!

And We’re Off!

Posted on by
Reply

I. Love. To. Travel.

Have I ever mentioned that before? I don’t even care where we go! I love the thinking about where to go, planning and researching, the anticipation, the airport (if we fly), the plane ride, the arrival, the hotel, exploring the hotel, exploring the town, getting my bearings, and soaking all the newness in. I just love it!

I even like just little road trips or weekend get aways. I love just checking out new spots. I love new restaurants and shops. I love the early morning walks and sunsets. I love sleeping in hotels. In fact, Rob has been known to just book hotel in the city to celebrate a special event and I LOVE that!

So I am super excited that tomorrow morning at 5 am we leave for our 15 hour road trip to the Outer Banks, North Carolina! We are planning on stopping in Virginia for the night, then continuing along the next morning so we can get there nice and fresh!

As excited as I am, it takes a lot of planning so is a tad stressful to get ready. Got to pack for everyone (even though they are old enough to help now, it still takes some time)! Plus I need to pack all the extra stuff:
– House extra stuff (towels, toiletries, chargers, camera)
– All the snackie food and breakfast and lunch for along the way
– The entertainment (Movies and TV series: We brought The Brady Bunch, Magnum PI, Get Smart, Gilligan’s Island, Hawaii 5-0, and Happy Days!), games, books, CD’s to listen to (I always make them listen to Troy Dunn or John Bytheway talks – motivational speakers from our faith for youth), and a little surprise “Learn Chinese CD’s”! I bought them as a joke so I can’t wait to see the kids faces when I put them on!
– Sport stuff: tennis rackets, soccer balls
– Order groceries to have them delivered to our beach home when we arrive
– Logistical stuff….

Now that most of this stuff is packed, I’m starting to get excited! And the kids are starting to get even more excited! It’s sort of like Christmas!

I hope to document our trip while we are there to capture all the little details that often get forgotten!

Bon Voyage!

Acting in Life vs. Death

Posted on by
Reply

When my Dad passed away 8 years ago, there were a lot of people who attended his funeral. Hundreds I want to say, but it was a pretty big blur. The emotion of it all, giving a eulogy, worrying about whether sleeping 4 month old Josh would wake up from my Aunt Cathy’s shoulder and freak out, and dealing with 23 month old Zach’s separation anxiety was a lot to deal with; so some of the details are sketchy.

I do remember talking to many many people. I spoke with people there that were his closest friends whom I knew well too; people who I had never met but had heard stories about; people I had never met but they had heard stories about me; people he had workeed with years ago; or people that had just known him briefly but he had made some deep impression on them (and there were a lot of those).

Then there were the people who he loved or admired, who he had spent a great deal of time with at some point, but they had not connected in a long time. Maybe they were busy or just let life get the better of them. Or maybe they had had some falling out – details of which I’m sure were long forgotten, but silence had still prevailed. But they were able to make the time, or make the trip, or unbusy themselves to come to the funeral. It was touching. It was thoughtful. I know he would have been pleased that they were there.

But man oh man did it irritate me.

“He would have been even more pleased if you had skipped the funeral and made the effort before he died”, is what I thought to myself.

I had an interesting discussion with one of my closest friends Tarina today about exactly this. She lost her Dad this past year and encountered the same thing, and had the same irritated reaction. She noted how we often treat people “in death” much better than “in life”.

She has vowed to “Act in life as you would in death”.

Love it.

Have you ever noticed that we sometimes treat the memory of someone better than we treated that person in real life? Or how we treat the memory of someone we loved better than how we treat our loved ones who are still living? How we find time to make the funeral, but were too busy to visit on a Sunday afternoon? That we would send flowers to the funeral but forget to leave a message for their birthday when they were alive? That we would talk fondly of someone after their passing but be too prideful to make amends with them while we are still living?

My little cousin Jenn (or fondly called Auntie Jenn – she actually is the “real cousin” to my ex, but we have stayed very close so she is like a little sister to me) lost her Dad, Chris, this past spring. It was devastating for her, and even more heartbreaking that she had lost her Mom almost 10 years ago when she was only 13. But what was also tragic, and still is to this day, is the family drama that occurred. Over the years hurt feelings were had all around. Words were spoken, then never spoken again. Of course , when the angel of death was lurking, family quickly came around the bedside to make amends with Chris and of course, tender words were spoken with him. I think it is fair to say that he passed feeling at peace with everyone.

But at what cost? The drama continued with the other family members the second the funeral was over. He lost out on years of family life. Most importantly, Jenn was denied the love and support and family she desperately needed – and deserved – over the years and still needs.

Making the effort only at death is inexcusable. If you are planning on attending someone’s funeral, then you better darn well be making an effort in nourishing your relationship while they are still living.

I know it is not easy. I know that things can be complicated. I’m sure every one has their reasons, justifictions, feelings for doing what they do, or how they do it. But short of serious betrayal or murder (this is Tarina’s criteria!) there are few real reasons that justify alienating, abandoning or severing ties. Being hurt is not a reason. Being offended is not reason. Being insulted is not a reason. Being busy is not a reason. Get over yourself and communicate and get through it.

We are going through some serious family dynamics now with Rob’s family. While Rob is not perfect (well – he is pretty darn close), he has been trying to work through some issues with his brother and has been unsuccessful. It has caused him much sadness and I hate seeing him like that. Of course there are different perspectives on everything, but I know his heart is in a good place and he has been consistently trying – so what more can he do?

His brother just had his first baby and the baby’s middle name is David. David, is Gabe’s middle name as well. David was Rob’s brother who tragically passed away at the age of 24 from complications related to a cancer he had beat. Obviously, it was devastating to all and affected everyone. But obviously both brothers want to keep his memory alive by naming their first born sons after him.

Yet, how is it then possible that they will honour the dead, grieve over the loss of a brother – yet not have a relationship with the brother that is still alive? Is that honouring David? Is he looking down and pleased that he is being honoured in this way?

I don’t really care what it takes to get things back on track. I do have a firm belief that issues need to be dealt with head on. I am not someone who sits back and sweeps things under the rug, or buries their head, or passively pretends that nothing is wrong. I’m not that person – anymore. I’ve been there and done that – and will never do that again. The solution is always open communication. Always.

If you would go make amends at someone’s death bed, or attend someone’s funeral, then you need to make it a priority to make that person a priority – now. It may be hard work. You may need to jump through some hoops. You may need to swallow your pride. But do it. Don’t wait.

Act in life as you would in death.

Menus

Posted on by
Reply

I have come up with a menu planning system that works for me.

I have always been a planner, so I used to plan our meals every time I went grocery shopping. Then, as life got busier, I became even more of a planner and started planning whole months in advance. It was just easier to sit down once for 30 minutes a month and fill in a calendar with meal ideas. I then keep the calendars and then recycle meals down the road – sometimes I even recycle weeks at a time.

Of course, I assume that there will be lots of changes in the calendar (and there always are) but it works for me. I then make my grocery list weekly from the list and write our menu for about the next two weeks on our blackboard in the kitchen.

There are some major pluses to this crazy system:

I never have to hear “What’s for dinner?” as everyone knows to check the blackboard.

I have ammunition when one child starts whining about how we “always have this” or “we never have what I like”. In fact, Zach tried that once. “You never make anything good. You always make this stuff. I don’t like it”. “Really?” I said. I then proceeded to pull out my “calendar(s) of meals” and started to run through the list: “On February 15th we had XYZ. You like that? On February 16th, we had ABC. You like that?….On March 5th, we had XXY. You like that”. You get the point. And so did he. I went through about 10 meals before he said “OK,OK I get it. I like most things you make. Just not this one”. So now, I don’t have to hear how we always have something someone doesn’t like. They know I’ll just pull out the calendars. It actually has become a big joke in our house!

I never have to think on the spot after a busy day.

We actually get a good variety of things because I’m conscious about how often we are eating something!

There are some exceptions. Sometimes I get bored or lazy and run out of steam when planning the month. Then I see we are going on vacation – so somehow I think that the week before I don’t have to plan anything. I guess I figure it will somehow get taken care of.

So this week, the blackboard was blank. The boys asked “What’s for dinner”? I couldn’t even respond “Check the blackboard”. I had no real answer. I suppose I somehow had to feed them. So, I simply said to them: “I’m tired of dealing with dinner. I thought it was your turn to deal with it this week”.

They started to protest. Then they stopped protesting (a small miracle) and left the room.

They returned and responded, “Ok – check the blackboard”.

This is what I found:

Love it. Pretty darn funny.

Quote of the week

Posted on by
Reply

Although I’m not going to do a quote of the week for our kitchen bulletin board this week as the kids are away and we are ramping up for our vacation and there will be no time to discuss it, I have had a “poem” running through my mind over the last few days…

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference”.

Just feeling a little overwhelmed, stressed and at my wit’s end. I think I always get like this before a vacation – when there is so much to do to tie things up at work and then get things prepped for leaving. We have also had guests in our house for the past 3 weeks now too and it has been a major heat wave here (with crazy humidity levels) which makes me feel lethargic. So I think I’ve thought of this poem a few times and it does give me touch of peace.

I have also thought of that Seinfeld episode of “Serenity Now” …so that really could also be my quote of the week (although I think the end result of that episode was “Serenity now, insanity later”).

But the Serenity Prayer is one that I remember seeing on my Grandmother’s (Nona – My Dad’s Mom) wall and reading it there. I also remember sometimes feeling like it was appropriate to be reading it there. We didn’t always have the best relationship with her. She called my brother “The boy”, I was “The girl” and my sister was “The baby”. Need I say more?

Well, actually,come to think of it,I will say more. She once gave my brother a radio/tape player/ghetto blaster for Chirstmas; my sister a beautiful doll (one of those fancy dressed up ones); and I got a pair of socks. Seriously.

When she was nearing her end of life, I went to visit her. She was very quiet while I sat by her bedside, wondering if she would finally break and impart some great piece of wisdom or have an emotional moment with me. She turned to me and said: “I always thought you had nice legs”. Ahh…hence why I got the socks. Thanks.

Despite some of these less than sweet memories, I do remember reading the “Serenity Prayer” for the first time at Nona’s and thinking it was beautiful. I have always loved it despite it’s popularity and overuse. It does pop into my mind when I am feeling frustrated and stressed, and reminds me that there are some things I just can’t change (that’s the part I always have a hard time with) so I should just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Thanks for the poem Nona. And yes, my legs are fabulous.