Mission Q&A Part 1

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In case you missed my last post explaining our background with being members of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, you can get up close and personal and read it here…

In case you don’t want that level of detail, I’ll restate a few things here….

Over the years this blog has become more of a journal and record of my family. I document our vacations, holidays, special events, plus the every day things including what quote is hanging in our kitchen, and our monthly snaps of life (which my kids are having to send me now since I have more kids living outside our home than within!)

I forget that some people read along and may not know us personally and/or may not understand this whole “mission” stuff I’ve been talking about. So it must seem quite odd?!

Even one of my closest friend – who’s known me for over 25 years has been asking me questions! She had questions from other people who have asked her so I figured I should clarify.

Now some people might think they know all about missions because – well – have you not seen “The Book of Mormon – The Musical?” You know, one of the most popular musicals on Broadway – that has hit every major city with sold out shows? It tells the true story about two young Mormon Missionaries in Africa? Right?

Wrong.

Truth be told, I have not seen it. I have no interest in seeing it. I have heard lots about it – and how it mocks and misrepresents so many aspects of my religion – including making fun and light of missionaries. It boggles my mind that shows like that can sell out in a world climate that is supposed to celebrate diversity and increased tolerance and respect for – everyone! I can’t help but wonder what would happen if there was a musical made misrepresenting, exaggerating and mocking some aspects of being Jewish (which if you read my up close and personal post you will know my ancestry is Jewish) or Muslim- or pretty much any other religion? Would there not be an outcry? And yet, let’s go have a good laugh at the Mormons.

Anyway. I digress! Everyone is free to watch what they want for their entertainment purposes (but please when you are watching it – substitute the word “Jew” or “Muslim” and see if it is still as funny)

And for the sake of being clear (I didn’t get into this in my up close and personal post), the term Mormon is a nicknames that has been used for many years – and while it is by no means offensive, in recent years, we have been asked by our Prophet (President of our Church) to refer to ourselves by our proper name : as members of “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints” to really let people know that we DO believe in Christ (to help clear the misconception “that we are not Christians” up). Christ is the centre of our lives and our religion. So that’s why you might see people now say the big long name rather than the nickname:)

Ok – now I’m really back on track.

So Zach decided to serve a two year mission for our Church and was called to serve in the Tahiti Papeete mission (where my father served – also talked about in my previous post). He left August 21 to go to one of the 7 language training centres in the world( I think they are shutting one down though so there will be 6). While there, he will spend 6 weeks learning French and 3 weeks learning Tahitian. Mixed in with the language learning, they also do religious study – where they learn more and study in depth about the Bible, and other books we believe are Scripture – including the Book of Mormon – which we believe is another testament of Jesus Christ. They study these books in their native language and in any language that they will be speaking on the mission (so for Zach, in French and Tahitian). It’s a pretty intense period of learning and study for them. While in the MTC they also have time for exercise daily. They live a very strict schedule – getting up early, having time to study on their own, with their companion (more on that later – but basically like their roommate and buddy that they do everything with) and then about 6 hours of group language classes a day. They also practice their language – practice teaching lessons and having conversations with people who know the language and volunteer their time to help out. They of course have their meals and they have some down time in the evenings before bed.

(Zach and his companion, Elder Davis):

From what Zach says, it is completely exhausting. His brain is exploding with new info! All that language and new learning. They get a ton of packages sent from over zealous Moms who want to make sure their babies know they are loved and they all share their goods! Every week, they also get a day off (P-day – stands for Preparation Day) – where they get to prepare all their day to day needs for the week so this is the time they do their shopping and laundry (and cleaning, lol) , and communicate with family back home and email friends. They usually do some type of fun, or touristy activity (once they leave the MTC) and more exercise.

(This is a Canadian version of an overzealous Mom sending along some Canadian (and other) snacks for them to have:)

But it is strict. There are rules and one questions that gets asked all the time, and I chose it as the first question to answer is:

Why all the crazy number of rules and why so strict???

Good question. Some of the rules/guidelines, truth be told, I don’t even understand fully. (And note that the MTC is super strict…every mission area has some of the same rules/guidelines, and then they do have their own rules too that are mission specific.)

I do know that there are 65,000 young men and women around the world that are missionaries and so they need to run a pretty tight ship to make sure things go smoothly. And, of course, you always have to cater to the lowest common demoninator and after years and years of running missions around the world, they see the need for certain rules based on their experiences with missionaries. Of course, to some, the rules seem silly or outdated (Zach has found a couple – and argued about one, lol) and sometimes maybe they are there out of tradition and culture (and hopefully will change – as we do see mission rules change here and there). However, others are a matter of safety and/or liability to consider too. They want to keep these kids as safe as they possibly can be because there are 65,000 families out there that are counting on them being watched over (every mission has an older couple who oversee the mission and are like surrogate parents to these kids while they are on their mission) and return home safely.

(These are the 14 missionaries that will be leaving October 21 to head to Tahiti where they will serve with 140 others!)

Another huge reason for all the rules – is due to the reason they are out on missions in the first place… If you choose to go on a mission (and yes, it is a choice – although I think culturally and in some families there may be a stronger push than others), your main purpose is to serve others and not focus on your own life.

I quote from Zach’s mission farewell talk:

“At home, most things I do are for me. Every single day. I study so that I can have the knowledge, get good grades and get into the school or program I want. I work so that I can have money. I go out because that’s what I like to do. I want to do something to help others. It may be a long time that I put off the things for me, like schooling and work, but it’s not about me. I want to help others. To potentially bring people happiness with what has brought me happiness, Jesus Christ and the Gospel , and to just serve and love and be selfless. I want some time in life where I can forget myself, and simply serve others. This is that time for me and that opportunity.”

So, kids know going in they are asked to leave behind their concerns, worries, worldly things, friendships, intimate relationships, schooling, and jobs and focus solely on the people they are serving and their own personal development (especially spiritually). They don’t want them going on a mission – going to lands far away – and being distracted by things back home. So they ask them to leave all the drama behind. And they make it easier for them to focus, by having some pretty strict rules follow – who they can be with (no dating or intimate relations in the mission years ), and what outside influences they are exposed to (no movies, tv, personal social media, limited music etc). They also restrict communication back home as the biggest distractor can be the people at home. They ask families to not put undue stress on their missionaries by causing them worry and concern.

Until recently, contact to home was really limited – which I seriously could not have handled (and in pre technology times it was even more difficult as they just relied on letters!!! However, kids back then also did not grow up with constant communication like they do now with technology, so it wasn’t as much as a stretch as it had been in recent years.) However, they now allow weekly calls/video chats and these calls are my fave time of week – but I can see how if we were always texting and chatting, then Zach could not focus on what he is doing and have the space HE needs to immerse himself into what he is doing. Yes, as a Mom it’s hard, but I also want to give him the chance to grow and be independent and that forced space is so good for him. Sometimes Mama needs need to be set aside to let your little one fly – and I think giving them space and control about when to contact you is important (you are even asked to let your missionary contact you first – I think to help missionaries develop their own independence and not be overwhelmed by some overzealous parents).

I was listening to an old interview the other day between Marie Forleo and author Steven Pressfield. They were discussing his book “Becoming Pro” . He started talking about the “year he took off turning pro” where he moved to a little town and he didn’t see anyone – no friends, no intimate relationships, no tv, no music, no sports. He said it was a year of absolutely no distractions – and he said “when you do that, there’s a kind of energy and focus that comes around you and you become a different person”. In that year, he learned he could become a pro and really become that writer he wanted to become – it was a lesson he learned for life. I see the elimination of distractions in missions helping these missionaries learn about themselves, and helping them become different people.

(Zach and Rachael meeting up at the MTC and following the no hug rule. I’m not sure they think it’s such a huge deal if they don’t hug – they know why they are there and they have chosen to set aside relationships until they are back so it’s more amusing!)

While the rules are strict, and might seem unbearable to many – you know exactly what you are getting into when you decide to go on a mission. I always tell my kids, “if you decide to go to a private school with a uniform, then don’t complain about the uniform when you are there. If you don’t like the uniform, there are plenty of other schools you can go to!” Likewise, if the rules bother you, then you don’t have to go on a mission (it is NOT obligatory). AND I’m sure there are some missionaries who end up going home because they can’t take the rules (or for many other reasons)! (We have told Zach that if he did decide to come home early for any, there is NO shame. He is welcomed home with open arms – at any time.)

A third reason I think comes down to the idea of “decision fatigue”. Did you know that there was such a thing? We only have so much brain juice and when we are constantly having to make decisions – even little ones – it takes energy. Having rules and regulations reduce the need to make constant decisions. Remember Steve Jobs and his famous black turtle neck? Eliminated his need to decide what to wear. Some famous people talk about eating the exact same breakfast day in and day out – eliminating using their energy on deciding what to eat. Having rules and regulations for these kids to follow for mundane things helps them to stay focused on what they are there to do.

Finally, there is a religious component. In the scriptures, John 15:10 it reads: “If ye love me, keep my commmandments”. Now we know that these rules are not commandments (well at least not all of them, lol), but there is definitely the idea that following rules is showing the faith and respect. The rules are there for the reason to help the missionary be a better (safer, secure, knowledgeable, stable, happier) missionary. We may not understand them, but we trust that they are not there to merely make the life difficult or boring for the missionary. We have another scripture that we read in the Book of Mormon that reads (1 Nephi 11: 16-17): “And he said unto me: Knowest thou the condescension of God? And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things”. So while I don’t understand all things, I do have faith that God loves these missionaries – and that the leaders who give up their time and sacrifice to help guide these kids also love them. Sometimes we do not understand the rules until much later in life. Sometimes, we never understand the rules. Sometimes the rules will change. Sometimes they are a little senseless. But in the end, the missionaries follow the rules because they are choosing to serve a mission and know that the rules aren’t there to try to hurt them.

That’s my take on the rules (I have a few more ideas swirling in my head but this post is way too long as it is – but one thought is based on the quote “obedience to law is liberty” – so just a little snippet to chew on for a bit!) Overall though, I think following rules comes down to faith. If you do not have the same belief and faith, then it will be hard to understand the rules – but hopefully I’ve explained them a little better.

Also…. I really do think that whether you think the rules are ridiculous, insanely, strict etc. – is very much a function of who YOU are as person too. Gretchen Rubin wrote a great book called ‘The Four Tendencies” – in it she talks about how we all have different tendencies in how we follow rules/live up to expectations that others place on us and what we place on ourselves. For some, like “Rebels” in her category – following rules would be a serious struggle, but for others, like the “Upholders” they wouldn’t blink at it. Just something interesting to think about how your own tendencies and thoughts shape your responses, actions and results – and that your experience of something is not “fact” rather it’s simply your experience.

Lastly, I loved in Zach’s last letter (you can also read his letters and get more background and photos in his mission blog www.zachfioretahitimission.blogspot.com ) that he talked about the commandments as being “rules” that he is learning if he follows them, then there are blessings that follow. He uses the analogy – of following a job description and your reward being pay. Different kind of rules that he is talking about but still…(more rules to living life – and not just a mission).

Let me know if you have any questions you want me to answer and I’m happy to answer them! I’m going to check in here each week with some FAQ’s about missions (happy to answer any about our religion too – although as I said, these are my viewpoints and opinions, coupled with the knowledge and experience I have).

If you want to check out Zach’s Tahiti mission blog (his letters, plus extra pictures and tidbits from me) it’s here.

If you are interested in following Rachael’s blog on her Thailand mission, you can find it here.

Quote of the Week

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When Zach was here last week, he shared with me so many stories and experiences.

One in particular really impacted him and he said what he learned from it was :

“Don’t do something to see IF it works. Do something until it works”

I love the idea of not just testing something out and then waiting to see if it fails, but having the faith, belief, patience and perseverance to know that it will work if you just keep going.

Steven Pressfield has a book called “Turning Pro”. I haven’t read it yet, but I listened to a few interviews with him talking about it. Basically in it, he talks about what distinguishes a pro from an amateur. A lot has to do with the idea that pros never make excuses – they are just in it regardless. When adversity strikes (which it does), the amateur gives up, walks away or falls apart (justifying and making excuses along the way). The Pro just keeps going and doesn’t stop until they meet their goal.

Its also reminds me of what Yoda says, “Do or do not. There is no try”.

That was a common thing I would say to my kids, and I love how each one of them comes across stories or passages in books, or things other people say that reinforce a message that perhaps I had tried to teach, but they were not ready to learn – or needed it taught in a different way. I love that they have things that touch their hearts and teach them what they need to learn for themselves.

Mission Q& A – Background

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I have been asked some questions about missions since I’ve been talking about Zach’s decision to serve one here on our family blog. I know he had many questions before he left and many have been emailing him questions too. I know he doesn’t have the time now to answer the questions (and a question people have is why doesn’t he have the time, lol!!?) I decided I would answer the questions here! I realized that it might take a while to answer them all, so I’ll tackle each question one post at a time – likely one week at a time too so we shall see how long it takes us! Maybe Zach will be back by the time I finish answering them all. Ha! 

I will give a forewarning.

I am not a religious scholar, debater or activist. I am just me. An intelligent women who seeks knowledge, lives by faith, believes in miracles and tries to teach by example. But at times I set a terrible example, have huge doubts, and make dumb mistakes. I’m just a human like everyone else trying to make sense of this beautiful gift of life.  I likely will not give complete answers all the time because I don’t know everything.

I’m not looking to pick a fight nor looking to offend. I’m not looking to defend anything either. I’m simply happy to answer questions if people ask. That’s always the way I’ve been. If you ask, I’ll answer. But otherwise, you likely won’t hear much from me. But I love that Zach has chosen the “I will ask you if you want to know more” route (what part of serving a mission is – offering to teach people if they want to know more) . I think it takes a lot of vulnerability and courage to do that – but that is the essence of Zach in my mind – vulnerability and courage. If you say yes to wanting to learn more, he’ll share; if you say no, he’ll probably ask you if you play soccer and happen to know what the score was for the last game Roma played. If you do, you’ll be friends for life. And even if you don’t know the score, he’ll love you anyways too:)

I thought it would be appropriate to share some context of our religious beliefs. My girlfriend asked me if I found these questions intrusive – as really it’s no one’s business – but I told her I don’t mind at all. Religion is such a big part of who I am. If you know me well, then you know that. If not, then it’s a part I don’t mind sharing since I have a child giving up two years of his life for our beliefs – so obviously it’s a big part of our family.

I was born to parents who were both members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter a Day Saints. But the beauty of my story comes from their stories….

My father was born into a very poor home during the Great Depression in the slums of downtown Montreal. His parents had come over from Scotland and England and settled in Montreal. My grandfather was a tinsmith, and an abusive alcoholic. He had a very rocky marriage with my grandmother who was miserable most of the time (even when I knew her, sadly). My grandfather took his anger out often on my father, who was the oldest of four. Over the years, the beatings, the abuse, the poverty took a toll on my father’s self esteem, confidence and personality; he was forced to drop out of school in grade 7 to help earn money for his family – and what was the point of school for a dumb kid like him anyway? He left school not knowing how to properly read and write.

He took odd jobs over the years and eventually was given the opportunity to work the overnight shift at the telegraph office. There, he was befriended by some kind men who gave him a chance, gave him a good job, and taught him to read and write properly. Eventually my dad was encouraged to go back to school to get his high school degree – and so he went to night school and completed high school.  

When he was in his late teens/early twenties, two young missionaries came to his door and asked him if he was interested in learning more about their church – The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints . My father said yes, and that was a changing moment in his life (and the lives of his future generations). He was baptized ( when you decide to join, you are baptized by immersion as Christ was in the New Testament  (fully dunked under water)), as were several of his siblings at the time.

My father decided to serve a mission himself – I can only imagine being motivated by wanting to bring the Gospel to people the same way he had received it. He was called to serve in French Polynesia – The Tahiti Papeete mission. At the time, there were 12 missionaries in the mission and they opened up many islands. My father described his mission as the best and hardest  two years of his life: intense joy and intense loneliness from being so isolated for months off tiny islands. My father passed away when Zach was 2 years old. You can imagine the emotions we felt when Zach was called to serve in the same mission all these years later. 

My father returned home from his mission and started University at Sir George Williams (now Concordia) where he went one day to pay his tuition and fell in love with the clerk who took his money. Her name was Susanne – my mom.

My mom was from a family of German descent with a complicated history. My grandmother was a beautiful half Jewish (her mother was Jewish) woman who had a whirlwind love story with a theology student she met in university in Germany. She was from a small town outside of Hamburg (Lubeck) and he was from the big city of Berlin.

Unfortunately it was a time of great political turmoil so having a relationship with a Jew and non Jew in Germany in the 30’s was not good. Their stories are incredible but I’ll leave those for another time! Suffice it to say, they needed out of Germany fast if they were ever to be together or for my grandmother to even have a chance in life. My grandfather found a job in the clergy in London,  England and was eventually able to get my grandmother over.

So my mother was born in London, amidst bomb raids,  while my grandparents busied themselves with providing help to Jewish refugees come to London and set up a new life there. Over a decade later, my mother and her 4 siblings and parents made their way to their new home in Canada, where my grandfather served as a Lutheran minister, and then later an Anglican minister. Both my grandparents were extremely involved in the community and spent endless hours doing charity work and building a wonderful life for themselves and their 6 children (and their 15 grandchildren – me being #6).

However, they were not overly thrilled when my mother brought home this Mormon boy, a religion they did not approve of. My mother married him all the same, although did not convert to Mormonism at that time. She eventually did years later, which caused significant estrangement with her family which broke her heart – but she made the decision that she felt was right for her. 

My father went on to complete his university studies in Montreal and then got a teaching degree. They decided a Master’s degree was also in his future and every single summer for 7 years they drove  to Brigham Young University in Utah to work on his Master’s degree – first with a young Jamie (my older brother), then with a young me. My father graduated with his Master’s  and spent his career teaching (although his real passion was for writing.) He had come a long way from failing Kindergarten (which with much shame, he did).

When “we grandkids” came around, my grandparents eventually softened – realizing that our religion, did not change the essence of us being amazing kids:) I adored my grandparents. But the tension between them and my father was always palpable and that was sad to see. It was hard seeing family you love so much have differences that they  can’t seem to bridge. Although I think the climate has changed so much – with more tolerance, acceptance and understanding coming out on both sides – I wish for my early family we would have had that then.

So I grew up a member (and we do call it being a member – sounds like it’s part of an exclusive club, right?! Well it just is a term used to indicate you are officially baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latrer Day Saints. If you aren’t, you are called “a non member”. Now that kind of seems exclusionary! Which is ironic because being a member in Montreal when I was growing up – we were the outcasts! I guess that’s why I kept my religion to myself more when I was younger. People didn’t understand, and openly mocked it. Nonetheless, it was who I was.) 

And since this story is getting kind of long, I’ll jump a bit…. I ended up going to university (my dad was a huge advocate for education – so going up I knew university was a top priority), marrying (a non member), getting my Master’s, having two amazing boys and then  divorcing when Zach was 4 and Josh was 2.5. 

Through out the time I always attended church,  but my testimony (belief in my religion) was up and down. I don’t care if you are born into a religion or not, at some point you have to make a decision whether it is for you or not. Did I really believe it or is it just what I’d always known? Do I continue with this? Or enjoy exploring other ways of life? My personal struggles and dark times always pointed me back in  this direction. 

Now let me digress just for a second to say that there are many things I struggle with still. Many things I question, don’t agree with, or struggle to understand. The analogy I have given my children over the years is it’s like I have a jar filled with rocks. The rocks represent my beliefs and faith in certain things. My jar is filled with rocks! But there are also rocks that don’t quite fit my jar. They sit on the outside. Some have been in the jar and I’ve taken them out. Some have never been in. Some I question whether I will ever put in. Some I believe I can help change things to get them in! But, as long as there are more rocks in my jar than outside, I’m all in. I don’t feel because I have outside rocks that I need to ditch my jar all together – but some of those outside rocks are hard to see outside. I struggle and rely on prayer, humility,  learning, increasing knowledge and then of course faith. Your jar may be different than mine. You may value rocks differently. That’s ok. Let’s just try to love each other anyways. My kids know my biggest rock is family. If they decide their jar is not full enough for them to stay in the religion,  it is ok. Nothing will change my love and family rock.

So let’s come back to how my family are now all members?

I met Rob several years after being divorced. We met online. He looked a little too partyish for me by his pictures but my purpose was to just get out a bit as a break from being a single mom.  Our first date was breakfast and he was soooooo nice. Too nice. Men like that don’t exist.

Date two was the doozy: I’d tell him I was Mormon AND ask why he was divorced.

We survived. We more than survived. A month later we knew this was it and we were crazy in love. We married 10 months after our first date.  

I told him up front I would be raising my boys Mormon and therefore some things might spill over into our home (e.g family prayers, family home evening etc). He was fine with all  that because it was family oriented. I told him I would never ask him to become Mormon, nor his kids. I wanted him to always be true to himself and follow his heart. And I loved him regardless of religion. I knew he was a good, strong man of character and value. I knew we could have a beautiful life together but we had to support each other and respect each other’s views.

A couple of weeks after being married, Zandra begged to come to church. Why was she not allowed to go have “fun” with Zach and Josh? (lol – I’m not sure they would now say it’s all fun!!) It wasn’t fair. And so slowly, all the kids wanted to go and Rob figured it was a nice bonding for our family so said he would come along to support our family. That went on for a few years.

On vacation a couple of years later (a very long story about this too – for another time) Rob decided he wanted to get baptized and become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I’m sure when people heard that they assumed I had pressured him or I had given him some type of ultimatum. In fact I heard that from some friends. It made sense to them that he’d want to convert for me. What they didn’t know was how well  things were going with him NOT being a member!!! In fact we fought about how I did NOT want him to join, in fear he was doing it for me! I argued, I pressured, I pushed…. for him NOT to join. It was a stressful time. Months later, he joined the Church  (I finally said I would support  him, lol). His joining caused so many challenges with his ex and the kids. The kids wanted to be baptized too by this stage but we said that they had to wait until they were 18 – they would not need their mothers permission then and could decide for themselves. Well, kids can have minds of their own. When Gabe was 17 he “rebelled” – and wanted to be baptized – and so he was. A couple of years later, Zandra  and Sam very peacefully got their mothers permission and were also baptized.

So here I find myself in the middle of a very non traditional Mormon family. Lol. Our friendship circles (and those of my kids) do include other members, however they are primarily made up of “non members” – of all walks of life. I feel very fortunate to have grown up with such diversity and raised my kids with that same diversity. All are loved, all our welcome in our home and we appreciate those who have embraced us too despite our differences.

That whole lonnnggggg story is just to give background on our life experience and the experience Zach has had and the perspective he will take on his mission…  

Stay tuned for some answers to some of your questions (and feel free to email me or leave a comment with questions). But, again, please understand the place from which I am answering these questions – I’m not up for contention ( I know how heated things can get with religion). Let’s just show the love and respect to each other always And, despite what you think you already know about Mormons, (more on that next post), please keep an open heart that maybe we are all just humans just trying to make sense of the world and do the best we can:)

A Second Good Bye

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If any of you knew the saga of Zach’s visa and passport, you’ll be happy to hear it is all resolved….

If you don’t the saga, then here’s a recap:

Shortly after Zach received his call to Tahiti, he was sent the package to apply for a French Visa (Tahiti was a French Colony and still requires a French Visa). We read through it all and followed the directions to a tee.

However, a couple things weren’t sitting well with the instructions and I made a few extra phone calls. They had asked us to make the appointment for the consulate as close to his departure date to the MTC as possible due to some restrictions Tahiti had on timing for visas. However, I couldn’t figure out how he could give the French consulate his passport for a min of 30 days and yet still get to Utah – across the border – without a passport by his reporting date (in 3 weeks).

Well, he couldn’t. Oops. Different procedures for Canadians. Oops we have a problem and now not enough time.

Long, long story – but we found out that you are able to get a duplicate passport if you can prove you need to travel while your passport is inaccessible for good reason. We had a good reason and they gave Zach a temporary passport and placed his real passport in “inactive mode” which it was in possession of the French Consulate. But, they also made him sign a paper saying he agreed to return the temp passport in person. When he returned the passport, they would activate his original passport again. The man at the office told us that his best bet was to come back to the Toronto office to hand in the temp and activate the old one, but thought it was possible to do it at a Canadian consulate in the US or at another passport office. We knew we had to figure it out, but hoped there would be a closer solution for him other than flying all the way home.

A few weeks after Zach entered the MTC, we got word that his French visa was complete and we could go pick it up with his passport. I picked it up – and my plan was to give his passport to Rachael who was entering the MTC a couple of days later. She would then give the passport to Zach. The Church travel office was going to arrange fo Zach to take an afternoon to either fly to the consulate in Denver, or go to Vancouver to hand in his temp passport and activate his real one. While on the phone to Passport Canada trying to figure out the best office to go to, they made us aware that it is illegal for someone to travel with a passport for someone other than themselves who is not travelling with them. If they searched Rachael at the border and found the visa on her she could be detained, his passport and visa cancelled etc. Not a good situation. That threw off our plan.

It ended up that the only safe and guaranteed way to make the exchange was for him to fly home.

Last Monday, I received a phone message and then an email that they wanted Zach to come home asap to get it all done. They wanted to do it early enough so if there were additional problems there was still time to deal with them , and he wanted to do it before he started learning Tahitian (next week). He was taking the red eye on Thursday night, arriving in Toronto at 9:15am and then flying back on the 5pm flight same day.

I was excited, stressed and concerned. I knew this was a big inconvenience and disruption to him. As much as I wanted to hug him, I did want him to have to deal with it all. But there was nothing we could do, so on Thursday night I waited for the text that said “I’m at the gate in Salt Lake City”.

I know every Mom can understand how I checked my phone, tracked the flight, and then waited to get the text that said “I’m at JFK waiting for my next flight”. By then it was time to get up and I eagerly checked the next flight status – and saw how the flight was expected 30 min early. I got to the airport on time and sat and waited. I was this excited and anxious to see him after 1 month – (imagine after 2 years, lol!) My eyes were glued to this board, and I was happy to see when the flight from New York JFK arrived.

Then I was excited to see this:

I quickly put my phone away and gave that boy a hug!!!

He was exhausted (and a bit grumpy, lol) and we hit the road, praying for no traffic to get to the passport office. He was annoyed at my selfies (he’s only been gone a month, so he didn’t see the need to be as excited as I was, lol) You can see the difference in our faces!!

We made it downtown and headed to the passport office:

We explained the situation and the first woman was awesome, gave us an urgent number and then the next woman was even more awesome and worked quickly as she wanted it all to get entered in the system so it would be updated by the time he got back to the airport. Thank goodness for tender mercies and these two women; we were out within 15 minutes!

I got a better smile:

Well at least he faked a better smile for me!

We had a couple of hours now! As we pulled onto our street, my friend and neighbour texted me to say Justin Trudeau (our Prime Minister) was on the Danforth (main road near our home) so we headed down to check it out! Zach had thought it would be a pretty cool to return back to the MTC and say he had met our PM! Unfortunately, he was gone, but my good friend (the Mom of one of Zach’s closest buddies since grade 2) was still there and excited to see Zach (she had met Justin Trudeau too!) We got a picture of her so she could send her son saying, “guess who I bumped into?!”

She took some pictures of us too (better than selfies!)

We headed home so I could show him the snacks I got him to take back, as well as some other things he had asked for. But first, I made him stop and take our traditional back to school pics, lol:

We sorted through the snacks and warmer clothes he wanted to take back for the next month (my sister in law kindly offered to pick up anything he doesn’t take to Tahiti and keep it for him. We are so blessed to have her close by and do all these little extra things!) so he loaded up with more ties too! It was amazing how many Canadian snacks we could squeeze in (I might have gone overboard – but we got most of this in!!):

He decided to take it all back in a small carryon bag. He didn’t originally take a carryon suitcase with him, but heard in the MTC that he might regret that when he gets to Tahiti if he is sent to a small island – they tell you to pack up a small carryon bag as your main bags get shipped by boat and can take a couple of weeks to get there. This way he now has a carry on to pack!

He was craving schwarma and schwarma poutine so we picked it up and had a nice lunch while he shared stories, and practiced his french (he sounds amazing!) He also taught me some of the Tahitian words that he has self taught:

He laughed at our countdown calendar – and I let him draw a little face on the little guy and fill in Friday’s circle (in yellow to mark he was home):

We spent a lot of time like this, as I listened to his stories:

And before we knew it, it was time to go:

We decided that it would be best not to see anyone else (Rob, his Dad or the little boys) because he didn’t want to deal with all the goodbyes again. It’s really quite emotional and thought it best to just get back to it.

We headed back to the airport and I could feel my emotions surfacing.

As unbelievable as it was, there was another family at the airport saying good bye to their daughter who was leaving to serve a mission! She is reporting to the MTC on Wednesday , but going a bit early to see family. It was hard watching their goodbyes, but so nice to have them take a pic of us:

With a big, long, tight hug, and some tears behind a big smile, I sent my baby off again. But I do say, with a very full and happy heart.

He is so good. He is happy. He was excited to get back to the MTC! He missed his companions, he missed learning, he missed his new routine. My heart needed this. I needed to see and hear first hand how much he loves it – and that put my heart at complete ease. I miss him and will continue to miss him but there is something about seeing your child so happy, doing what they want to do that makes it all ok.

Godspeed my boy. You take a piece of my heart with you. Serve the people in Tahiti well.

Another farewell

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Over the years, Rachael has gotten a lot of coverage on my blog. And if you know us well, then you know all the ins and outs about her.

If you don’t, then I’ll give you a bit of a low down.

Zach and Rachael met at a Church Leadership conference – Zach’s first one – so back in 2015. They became fast friends. We have a no dating policy until 16 which meant friends they would stay for a while.

She lived about an 1.5 hours away – and so they would see each other at church events and then they occasionally would come to each other’s homes and spend time with each other’s family. There were ups and downs in their friendship along the way, but we got to know her quite well. When they got older, they decided to date – although the distance still meant they didn’t see each other frequently and led their own lives with their own group of friends – which I kind of liked as I wasn’t crazy about the idea of limiting building bonds with other friends which tends to happen when kids are young and they see each other all the time or go to the same school (or live in close proximity).

Anyhow, last year, Rachael headed off to France to be an au pair (she is a year older than Zach) and so they officially broke it all off. They both wanted the freedom to explore these new lives independently (her in France and Zach in his last year of high school), plus they knew that after high school Zach planned on serving a two year mission and she wanted to serve one as well. So it would be at least 3 years before they would be together and that was way too long to try to keep things going especially at their age and with all the adventures ahead of them.

They stayed good friends and Rachael has always stayed close to our family. She developed a good friendship with Zandra and was also close to Josh and Sam. And then I have also kept up a friendship with her and nagged her like a bit of a mother hen too (that’s just my nature:)). She came home from France at the beginning of the summer and we saw her a bit for some key events, mainly a little shopping excursion for her mission with me and Zandra, a mission photoshoot that her sister (who is a professional photographer) did for Zach, and then of course, Zach’s farewell.

As I mentioned, she always wanted to go on a mission too and she was called to the Bangkok, Thailand mission shortly after Zach received his call. She was set to head to the Provo MTC training centre three weeks after Zach. Which meant her farewell would be three weeks after his too.

We first went to the temple with her and her parents.

We then went to her farewell church service. After the service, we had some time to spare between the church service and the party, so we went for some yummy schwarma poutine. (I loved that Josh changed his shoes but still had his suit on, lol)

We hung out with her Dad and Stepmom that afternoon (whom we had met before and spent time with them before) when they invited us over. Josh and Sam headed over to a friend’s house to hang out (Rachael was with them for a bit there too). We then went to Rachael’s Mom’s home which is on a beautiful conservation park. They had a great party – serving all sort of Thai food.

We got some cute pics of some good byes:

They ordered up a spectacular sunset for photos too, lol!

The boys were enjoying being pretty goofy too.

Then some good bye photos (the sunset was crazy and the camera kept capturing different lighting – no filter on these!)

The next day, we were able to be at the setting apart of Rachael to be a missionary – and were able to give her a package of things to take to the MTC for Zach (he had sent me a list of what he was missing). She was also going to take with her his original passport which we finally got back with his french visa in it – until we learned it was completely illegal for her to travel with his passport without him and if they searched her and caught her she could be detained at the border, his passport would be cancelled etc. Not a good plan. Who knew?

At any rate, she was able to meet up with him briefly at the MTC to give him his package and say a quick hello. They don’t get to spend time together as they are busy in their groups each learning their languages (French and Tahitian for Zach and Thai for Rachael) but it was still fun for them to see a familiar face!

They aren’t allowed to hug members of the opposite sex when they are official missionaries (there are some strict rules to follow as missionaries) so this is their hug, lol:

It’s been amazing to watch these kids grow and see the tremendous positive influence they have had on each other. They are both giving up prime time in their lives – leaving family, friends, opportunities, school, sports – everything behind – to serve complete strangers on the other side of the world, in a language not their own – and in turn serving their God. May they both be watched over and protected as they start this next, incredible journey.

Quote of the Week

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The dust is settling around here and we finally had a “regular” weekend. (Since the Zach and Zandra have left we’ve had some busy weekends)

Well regular is a stretch… but it’s our new regular.

It wasn’t our weekend to have the kids (aka, Sam), so we just had the boys (aka, Josh). Weird, weird, weird.

I got a little teary during church when I saw Josh all by his lonesome doing all the things he used to do with Zach.

I got a lot more teary later that afternoon bcs the house felt really quiet.

My go to vice I’ve noted in times of big transition is junk cereal. Chocolate Frosted Flakes is in the spotlight now. I bought myself a Costco pack and then that’s it. Back to real food – (or at least my regular Fruit Loops cereal which is a treat rather than a vice).

But, I have to say, I quite enjoy how the littles are getting to be in the spotlight and I enjoy having the one on one time. Transitions are just hard – but that doesn’t mean they are bad.

Anyhow, so back to normal, means back to normal routine, which means back to our quote of the week. I looked on our kitchen board and noted the last official quote was July 29th, 2019.

Oops. But we kind had a lot going on.

But this week, we start again….

I’m on the James Clear mailing list and I quite like it. I think the guy is brilliant and I love so much of what he has to say. A couple of weeks ago he came up with this gem:

“Rather than trying to be right, assume you are wrong and try to be less wrong”

He explains a bit further saying that trying to be right has a tendency to devolve into protecting your beliefs. Trying to be less wrong has a tendency to prompt more questions and intellectual humility.

I just loved that. I think it opens the doors to so much more discussion and curiosity. Makes for better communication and a dose of humility never hurt anyone.

Hopefully it won’t be months before my next quote of the week:)

Back to School

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It was a very different first day of school for the CDFs.

Last year, even Gabe was home from University and joined us for our yearly photos. So this year, having 3 less kids seemed so strange!

Although we didn’t have to get up quite so early because there were only 2 kids to take individual photos of!

Sam started high school this year! Look out grade 9!

And Josh starts grade 11:

Our traditional front step pics – starting with setting the stage:

And the real deal:

One little thing walking on his own to school:

And some after school snacks (or late evening snacks I should say…)

Here’s to a great school year!!

The Road to Hana

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Saturday we were up super early to get on the road as we were headed to the famous “Road to Hana”!

Rob noticed the tire pressure was low, so we pumped up air and hit on our way. We headed on the opposite direction that everyone does (it’s a big loop).

The views were stunning! The road was windy but so cool!

We arrived at the “Seven Sacred Pools” and checked them out. The water levels were too high to swim. 

We decided to hike the bamboo forest. It started raining and was seriously muddy! Shannon only had flip flops so it was a bit treacherous ! She eventually went barefoot!

We got to the forest and Rob and I decided to continue to the waterfalls. Gabe and Shannon headed back (due to her shoe challenges) on the slippery route and we continued on! It was amazing!

After the hike we continued slung our journey and found some food trucks for lunch – we all had Thai. It was so good!

We noticed the tire pressure acting up so we found a gas station for air. We pumped up and went on a quest for banana bread which is famous on the road to Hana. We found some – it was yummy!!

Unfortunately we realized shortly after that the tire was doomed. We found a spot to pull over and Rob saw we had a bolt right in the tread. We needed to change the tire:(

It wasn’t so bad and 15 min we continued the amazing drive!

We arrived home late and had a quick bite at a local taco truck. Those food trucks are great!

We chilled, packed up and snoozed before really heading to bed.

The next morning was our flight back to Honolulu. We said our goodbyes and headed off. I really wish we had more time! It was so nice to spend time with them! Because our time was short – we squeezed a lot in. I would have preferred to have had a few pure beach relaxation. days thrown in! (And then more hikes, snorkeling and tennis in other days!). Ah well! I appreciate the time we did have!!!

Our flight home from Honolulu was late afternoon so we had to wait before checking in. We found a nice cement block and snoozed! Ha! Perfect way to end our trip to Hawaii!

Overall we loved Hawaii – Oahu and Maui! We had been to Oahu before but this time found places we loved! And Maui was great! We definitely will be back!!!!

Maui Days

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After an early morning walk, we started our day:

Day two we decided to start our day with walking the Coastal Trail. It was stunning!!

We then headed into Lahaina where we had a great lunch on the water at Cheeseburger in Paradise.

Rob went and picked up some snorkel equipment and later that afternoon we went to Black Rock beach to snorkel.

At one point I was swimming and snorkeling and felt something bump me. I turned and out of the corner of my eye i saw a shadow. It was a huge sea turtle!!! I screamed!!! ( underwater!). Rib was close by so I grabbed him and we went and swam a bit above and beside this incredible creature! We eventually lost him, but wow!

We headed back to shore to find Gabe and Shannon. They had seen a few little turtles too – then we all saw some more frolicking in the waves! Amazing!

We headed back and rested before heading to pick some food up at the fish market. We brought it back and had a had a nice dinner on our patio. We enjoyed just chilling and talking!

Friday morning I was up super early bcs I knew it was Zach’s pday and he could message and call. He was 4 hour ahead but we messaged as soon as he was up. I love that his first message was about laundry! Shout or the spray n wash stick! Lol.

We set a time to talk and managed to pull Josh (and Reggie!) onto a video chat. It was so good talking to him! He had a bunch of questions to ask that he’d been keeping track of, things he needed etc. He’s doing great! Said he was no longer homesick, that the days are full, but busy and fun! I hated letting him go (but we messaged all the way until his pday was over).

After our call, we headed into Lahaina for some açaí bowls. Soooooo good!

We decided to head north again to another area to hike what’s called “blowhole”. It was super rocky and very cool. The blowhole didn’t erupt more than a foot or so though – it can get up to 70 feet. But wow! Beautiful area!

After the hike we hit another beach and jumped in the big waves and snorkeled. Rob and I found another sea turtle!

We headed back to Lahaina where we had a great lunch right on the ocean at a place called Mala. I think it was my fave meal! The setting was stunning!

We did some shopping and then had some delicious shaved ice.

We headed back and the boys played tennis while we just rested and chatted. We all chatted until late but it so good spending that time together!

Heading to Maui

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The next morning we boarded an early morning flight to Maui. There, we met Gabe and Shannon!

Years ago we decided that when our kids got married we would do a “welcome to the family”trip with the new couple. However, with the timing of their marriage, we really had no money saved for this kind of trip! We are still behind in the 16 trips for Josh and Sam! And then the wedding, the mission and BYUH really were zingers all in a few months of each other! Also the fact that Gabe can’t leave the US right now due to immigration limbo meant we had to get creative! Joining us in Hawaii seemed like a great option. We knew we only had a few days though (as we needed to get home bcs the little boys start school) – but they could stay on to take advantage of the full week we had booked through our timeshare.

We were excited to spend this time with them! They had already arrived when we got there. We picked up our rental and off we went!

We went for lunch close by and got Rob a swim shirt bcs he had burned himself the day before at the beach and needed to cover up!

We checked in and then headed up the coast to Napoli beach. It was so beautiful!

We picked up a few groceries for breakfasts and headed back.

We went and watched the sunset which was beautiful.

That night Rob wasn’t feeling so hit so we just found a pub across the street for dinner.

We were zonked and headed to bed soooooo early!