Raising Flowers and Skids

March break stopover in Washington D.C.

Posted on March 17, 2016 by Leah

We only have all the kids every second March break, so we try to make those trips wingdingers.

On the off years, Rob and I still go away on our own. Two years ago we headed out to Utah, where Rob proceeded to have his heart attack, so every year is a celebration now!

This year, we decided to use our time share and head down to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Neither of us had been , but we love the beach in Outerbanks and figured it would be nice to try something different.

On our way down, we decided to stop just outside of Washington, D.C. to go to the LDS Washington D.C. temple. I had been there as a teenager with the church youth group, because at the time, it was the closest temple to Montreal. My parents went yearly (without us kids) so it has much meaning to my family.

We were excited to go and it did not disappoint. Here are some of the pics:

This reminded me of the very first time I went to the Washington temple. I was travelling with our YM and YW leader and we rounded the corner and got our first glimpse of the temple, and our YM pres said, “Welcome to Oz”. It sort of looks like that on the outside – or a disney castle.

The temple was so beautiful lit up when we came out:

We went to the Visitor’s Centre afterwards:

There was this incredible 3D model of the temple (so you can see the insides). It was so cool to look at in detail:

What a beautiful place.

Life changes all in one week…

Posted on March 5, 2016 by Leah

As Rob and I had some lunch today, I commented how it had been a big week.

It’s funny how in an average week, little things can happen that can change the direction of our whole life. Or start us off on a new adventure. Or signify a new stage.

Zach started his ref course for his first job refereeing soccer this summer. As I dropped him off, I remembered taking him to his first soccer program (that of course he didn’t want to go to. I use this all the time when he argues how parents shouldn’t force their kids to do stuff – they should let them choose. Really? Had I let you choose back then, you wouldn’t be in soccer! Free agency is important, yes, but sometimes parents need to just push a little bit harder when they know it will be beneficial.) Anyhow, I was a bit nostalgic about where the time went. I was also nostalgic when he headed to a party last night and filled me in on some stories later on. Where does time go??

Gabe received his first acceptance into University this week too. The letter arrived and on the outside it said, “Drumroll please” so I figured it must be an acceptance (or that would have been extremely cruel), but it was exciting to watch him open it and start to dream about different possibilities. It’s an exciting and very scary time! Each option lays out a whole bunch of different opportunities that will bring him down drastically different paths. Not that one path is better than the other, but each path will create a whole different life for him!

After 11 years at the same company, Rob had his last day of work yesterday. He has a couple of weeks off before starting on his new adventure! It was tough to leave. 11 years is a long time. He worked with a bunch of people that he will miss, but he was craving some more stimulation and career challenge. He’s been searching on and off over the years, but this move feels right and at the right time. I am excited for him (and excited for us as a family as who knows what lies ahead) as he takes this brand new fork in the road!

Finally, I got a hearing aid this week. Ok, not as exciting. I was diagnosed back in 2014 with a genetic hearing problem and have been dealing with it, but functionally, it just has been getting harder and harder and wearing me down. So, I took the plunge and got the hearing aid. Although it’s a bit of an adjustment to all the little sounds, it was just awesome the other day to sit beside a client on my “bad side” and be able to hear what he was saying! Today at soccer, I didn’t have to position myself awkwardly to have a conversation on the sidelines, I was just able to converse! Awesome! So blessed that there is something that could be done, and so blessed that I am able to do it (with the help of an old neighbour who runs a hearing aid centre!!). Although it’s not a new path, I guess it’s a new stage! I bought this cute little case to put the hearing aid in when I take it off when I am out and about (as it is a bit tiring right now so I need to work it in slowly). I showed it to the boys, and told them I would write my name on the case in the event that I lost it. No worries, my kids said, just write, “Please return to the closest 80 year old lady you see”. Boo. Teenagers can be so mean!

Let’s not forget that Reggie turned 3 on March 2nd too. He’s such a part of our family, hard to imagine our life without him now. Happy Birthday, Reg!

That’s a wrap for the week! Looking forward to the new paths that lie ahead of us all!

My non swearing boy

Posted on February 24, 2016 by Leah

Zach had a detention the other day. I’m sure he won’t mind me sharing; I mean, he is quite a character. I need to capture this stuff.

Zach has forever been a kid that teachers either love or hate. And I mean LOVE or HATE.

Zach reminded me the other day that apparently I told him that he’s allowed having teachers call home twice each semester before he gets in trouble (from me). Really? I said that? It might have been in a moment of desperation where I couldn’t take it anymore?

At any rate, since Christmas, we have had only one call. From the same teacher that called last semester twice. I think she actually loves to hate him, but also hates that she loves him.

He decided to share with me that he had a detention from another teacher the other day.

The teacher had asked to see him after school. Of course, he’s never just going to say, “ok”. He asked “Why? What did I do?” She went on to tell him he knew what he did. He insisted he didn’t, so she reminded him that he has a loud voice and she could hear him very clearly, and she heard him swear. So, he was getting a detention for swearing loudly in class.

Zach said everyone in the class started arguing with her, saying, “Zach does not swear.” He is a grade 9 kid that does not swear. He’s pretty proud of it too. So all the kids told the teacher she had been mistaken…. the teacher’s response?

“Well, I’m sure he’s done something to deserve a detention.”

Ha.

Says it all.

Although… I do have a bit of problem with this whole line of discipline….

First of all, don’t many kids swear, like every second word? Do all these kids get detentions? Somehow I think not.

And should teachers be giving out detentions “because I’m sure he deserved it at some point?”

Anyhow, I’m not interfering. He needs to learn how to manage these things himself, and needs to learn that if the teacher has that impression, she might be getting it from somewhere so he better do a bit of self reflection.

But I was pretty happy and proud that he has made a choice not to swear and that he has stuck with it and is is known as the non-swearing guy. I like that it has become part of his character and reputation. I like that he knows he can choose to create himself:)

I just wish he would make a choice to be a kid who’s teacher never calls home….

Quote of the Week

Posted on February 23, 2016 by Leah

“Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself.”

With four official teenagers in the house, there’s a lot of self discovery going on. I don’t even think they realize how much self discovery is going on.

Through out the years I’ve often heard people talk about “finding yourself”, but when I came across this quote, it resonated so much better.

Finding yourself sort of implies you are lost and then you go searching and voila – you find yourself. That you have to travel far and wide and spend lots of time looking for that lost soul.

I don’t really think it goes like that! I do think that there are some things that we need to discover about ourselves. I think that we all have certain talents, personalities, innate features etc. that we need to discover – and then decide whether we should nurture or extinguish those areas.

But the most exciting part is our ability to make decisions, and choices and CREATE who we want to be. We are a blank slate in many ways too! Even though we may have specific talents, genes, personalities, we can choose what we do with them. Plus, things like talent only go so far. Things like motivation, hard work, positive attitude, good perspective go so much further,

So create a vision. Who do you want to be? How can you get there? What do you need to do to get there? I believe that we have unlimited potential; it’s up to what we decide to do.

Sure, there will be set backs; things will throw us for a loop and ruin our best laid plans. But, we can still pick ourselves up and create the best possible person – and that person will likely be even better after a series of trials and misfortunes.

Happy 13th Birthday Josh!

Posted on February 7, 2016 by Leah

It is wild to think that 13 years ago, I gave birth to this incredible guy!

I can’t believe that we officially welcome teen #4 into the house! The more I gain experience with teens, the more I realize what a joy it is to have them in the home…and what a stress! I am so excited to start another year with Josh.

I am so glad that I had the privilege of going to Madrid with Josh in October with his soccer team. Spending that one on one time with him at this stage in life was truly priceless. I got to know him in a different way, and got to share with him his passion of soccer, and got to learn more about him through how he plays and the friends that he plays with.

Josh is such an awesome guy, let me share with you 13 reasons why:

1.He is not afraid to be HIM. He is who he is, and doesn’t try to be someone he isn’t.

2. He has an awesome smile and he loves to laugh. He can be silly, light hearted and ridiculous. And get completely carried way and take it too far….

3. He is a passionate person. Passionate about everything he does. He is an “on” or “off” kind of guy. He’e either there or not. He’s awake or dead asleep.

4. He is an awesome soccer player and great team player. He’s not afraid to go after the ball, get feedback from his coach, and celebrates success with his team. He’s pretty skilled at a bunch of sports and brings the same enthusiasm and passion.

5. He’s a hard worker. He heads home right from school and gets down to homework. He gets upset with a bad mark. He puts his all into things. He works at his soccer skills non stop. He can be anything he wants to be as he has the drive.

6. He likes to be punctual. In fact, always wants to be a bit early. He tell me his coach tells him “if you aren’t early then you are late.” He reminds me 20 times before going to bed if he needs to get up early for something (e.g. basketball practice)

7. He is hilarious! He gets us laughing! We have so many “funny Josh” moments and stories – and he lets us share them over and over again (for the most part!)

8. He has this amazingly sensitive, soft, warm, spiritual side. He cares deeply and you catch glimmers of it and I love it when I see it! I see his testimony growing, I see how he makes connections with things with his heart and spirit.

9. He loves his Doggie and it is so cute to watch them together.

10. He loves his specific food (ok, sugar). He loves desserts and candy, but he can equally love weird things like this tomato feta dip I make, or calamari, or cheese stuffed mushrooms… he just enjoys the food enjoys with such gusto. And yet, he does quirky things too, like eats most cereal dry….

11. He’s a good brother. He irritates, annoys, gets in their face and fights back like any good brother should do. But, he also cares about how they do in soccer, can share (at times), listens to them, laughs with them and will even let Zandra give him a hug!

12. He knows he is still my baby and lets me still be his mama (at times!) I love our movie spots together on the floor and he puts his head on my leg and we stay warm in our big cozy blankets. Not sure how much longer this will last, but I’m taking every second of it! I love that he lets me gush on about how much I love him, hug him or tickle him and he tolerates it! I love that I can send him a long, mushy text and get back a tiny one word response. He humours me by letting me take a million pictures. He lets me be the crazy Mama Barbaloot!

13. He is super “determined” (also can be stubborn). What an amazing quality (when channeled the right way). It will help him get through those tough life times and help him become the guy that I know he is capable of being.

I love this kid and can’t wait to see the adventure of his life unfold. He is off to great places and I’m so proud to be his Mom and be right there beside him for a while longer in this next phase of life!

Love you Barbaloot Man! Happy Birthday!

Here’s some pics of the actual day (after all the soccer and he had showered and was juts chillin’):

He wanted a chocolate cake – with chocolate mousse and ganache on top. It was so yummy.

Hard Things

Posted on February 5, 2016 by Leah

A couple of things happened to me this week that really have made me ponder my role as a mother.

I went out for dinner with a small group of mothers from Zach’s soccer team (and one other mom I had not met before). We all have boys – and all have our 14/15 year old boy in common.

One mother mentioned how her 14 year old had told her she was the only Mom who didn’t make lunch for him. All his friends’ mother’s made them lunch. She was shocked and horrified! I laughed – because I was one of those guilty moms. I quickly explained, that while I know they should make lunch (especially our 17.5 year old), for me, it’s a matter of convenience. I don’t want 5 kids coming into the kitchen after dinner (and the kitchen is clean), pulling out stuff and making their lunch, leaving the trail behind that they inevitably do (yes, I know they should be picking up after themselves, but their standard of pick up is NOT mine and I know it will result in one more fight…)

Anyhow, the Mom pointed out to her son that when he goes off to University, he will have a lot on his plate to learn, and she wants him to gain skills now and independence now so he isn’t overwhelmed with things like making lunch, cooking, doing laundry etc. I completely agreed (and was happy at least I get my kids to clean the house, do some cooking, help with laundry etc). But, is that enough? Am I preparing them enough for their future life demands?

The second event occurred as one of our kids is struggling with a course and as a result wants to drop it and take a night course instead. Of course, the struggle this child is having is really a direct result of not doing the work and not taking responsibility for the course along the way. Now, I think it’s great that they are wanting to find a viable solution and came up with the option of taking this night course. While it might not have been the option I would have chosen or wanted them to choose, at least it is a solution that they came up with. In order to get to this course though, we feel that this child should make their way on their own. We live in a downtown centre with subways, streetcars and buses. Often one of our other kids gets himself home after soccer practice taking a bus and a subway and walking with no complaints (often offers to do it.) So for us, it’s not only not a big deal, in this particular circumstance, it’s a way of becoming more independent and fully taking ownership of the consequence of having to do night school because of choices to not do the work in the day class. However, in conversation with their child’s other parent, despite our request that at least on “our days” this child take public transit – the other parent feels that they could not just sit at home knowing the child is commuting, therefore would have to drive them….

Again, it made me think – and this time upset me, as I feel our hands are tied and we are doing a great disservice to this child (this is not the first time that the natural consequences of behaviour have been removed or immensely softened by the other parent). It upset me because while we don’t want to always get into a power struggle I worry about the future effects on this child (in the immediate it doesn’t make much difference – it rarely does – but the accumulation is evident). Are we adequately preparing our kids for the reality of life? Every time we help soften consequences, or eliminate them all together, are we not depriving our kids of the EXACT circumstances and situations that they desperately NEED for them to grow, to learn, to develop confidence and independence. They need to know that they CAN do it. Even if it is hard. ESPECIALLY if it is hard.

The third event was a much sadder, and real one (and really puts the other two into perspective). I got an email letting me know that the Mom of one of Zach’s friends had passed away. I knew she had been quite ill for the past couple of years with cancer, but still. My heart went out to that boy and his family.

And that mother.

I can’t really breathe if I think about her and what her thoughts were knowing that she was going to be leaving her family soon. Did she worry about each child? Did she think about all the events that they would go through without her? Graduations? Dates? Marriages? Jobs? Births? Did she worry about how they would do without her? Did she worry about if she had done enough for them? Did she worry about whether they were adequately prepared for her death?

Can you adequately prepare a child for the death of a parent? Your child, for YOUR death?

I honestly can’t really bear the thought to think or write much more about it. But, it did make me think, that my greatest desire and wish is for my children to be able to thrive in this world with full confidence that they can do hard things. That they can overcome obstacles – big and small. That they need not run to the easiest solution (because easy now can often mean harder later); they don’t always need to look for the nearest exit because leaving often doesn’t solve anything. That they can be whoever they choose to be, and they can turn things around in their lives no matter what stage.

I won’t always be around to make lunches, do laundry, drive them to night school, or even talk them through a difficult time, or calm their nerves before a trip or a test. But I can teach them the coping strategies now. Yes, it can be easier to do the things for them, to ease their consequences, to remove their burdens. And what parent doesn’t want to do that for their child in the immediate?

But when I think that by me doing that I am depriving them of growth opportunities, it makes me want to carry on and sometimes look like that mean parent who sticks to values and consequences and pushes them out of their comfort zone. Because in the end, that is what they need to become real adults. One of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is for them to know that they can do hard things and thrive.

Quote of the Week

Posted on February 4, 2016 by Leah

“If you want to be happy, you have to be happy on purpose. When you wake up, you can’t see what kind of day you’ll have. You have to decide what kind of day you’ll create.”

I remember sitting at Gabe’s grade 8 graduation and the Principal was making a speech. He was telling the grads that they have certain rights (like we need to tell over entitled grade eights about what their “rights” are…)

Anyway. He was saying that they have a right to things like: security, roof over their heads etc. I can’t remember what else because he threw one “right” in there that just made me spin.

He told the kids that they had a “right to be happy.”

A “right to be happy.”

I was so unhappy that this is what he was teaching hundreds of our kids!

You don’t have a right to be happy! No one can hand you happiness on a silver platter. No can can give happiness to you. No one is responsible for your happiness.

Maybe you can say, you have a “right to choose to be happy.”

Because that is what happiness is. It’s a choice. It’s an active decision to choose to look at things a certain way, to act in a certain manner, to see things from a certain perspective.

I love in the quote it talks about “DECIDE what kind of day YOU’ll CREATE.” That gives us power. We have the power to choose how each day will be.

Of course we don’t always have the power to choose our circumstances, (although often our circumstances are results of accumulations of certain choices – tiny choices even – we have made along the way – but that’s another topic for another day…)…we have the power to choose how we react to those circumstances. And that, can help us to choose happiness.

I remember being in an elevator in Hawaii years ago and as I stepped out of it, I told the man who was riding in it with me (who I didn’t know but we had made some small talk) to “have a good day.”

He responded to me, “No, you make a good day.”

Always has stuck with me. Always something I choose to remind myself of when I’m feeling a little low. I can choose differently if I don’t like what I am getting out of life.

I do have the right to choose to be happy.

Quote of the Week

Posted on January 24, 2016 by Leah

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone at all.”

There’s such a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

I want my kids to have great confidence, and to know WHO they are, and WHAT they are capable of. I want them to think of themselves as having all the potential in the world.

But, I want them to be humble, kind, and meek. I want them to avoid being prideful. I want them to avoid being arrogant.

I liked this quote because confidence is really about being YOUR best. Knowing that you are of worth, regardless of who else is in the room. It’s not about comparing and coming out of top.

Quotes of the Week…and Word of the Year

Posted on January 12, 2016 by Leah

Yes, because I am already behind, I will post last week’s and this week’s quote (because I wasn’t behind at getting them on my kitchen cork board, I am at least not behind in having quotes!)

“Your mind will always believe everything you tell it. Feed it faith. Feed it truth. Feed it with Love.”

I love the first part of that quote. Your mind will always believe everything you tell it. So if all you are telling it is your negative dialogue – what is your mind to believe? We have so much power over our thoughts, our attitudes, our actions. It is all dependent on what we choose to feed ourselves.

“You have two ears and one mouth. Use them proportionally.”

Last week at a team meeting for a client, one of the team members said this. It really struck me, because the way I act, it’s like I have 20 mouths and one ear. So, being a new year and all, I decided that this could be my theme of the year. We almost have 4 full teenagers in the house, and as much as I KNOW they need verbal guidance, I think they probably need to be listened to more than anything else.

So, for this year, my word of the year is going to be: LISTEN.

Plain and simple.

Less talking. More listening.

Las Vegas Getaway

Posted on January 3, 2016 by Leah

Every year the kids all divide their school holiday vacation between their two homes. Usually it is a few days here, a few days there and there is a lot of back and forth. This year, Zach and Josh’s Dad asked if he could take them for the week after Christmas to see his parents in Florida. While I’m really not crazy about not having them around during the holidays, we decided to try it out. They would spend the first holiday week with me (up until Christmas morning) and the second week with their Dad. Rob was able to get the same arrangements with his ex. So, as of 10am on Christmas morning, we were kidless.

As much as I love that alone time at home, over the holidays it really gets to me, so we decided to go away. We got a super, super deal on 4 nights in Las Vegas and jumped all over that opportunity.

We headed out the evening of Dec 26th and flew into Vegas. Even though there is a 3 hour time change, Rob was still wanting to do a little exploring as soon as we got there – in search of food. We checked into our amazing room at the Encore (Wynn) which had incredible views and explored a bit, before finally settling on ordering room service (outrageously expensive so it was a one time dealio) and watching some Scandal (which we have been binge watching on netflix this Christmas).

The next morning we headed to the hotel’s holiday brunch. Breakfast was included with our room and since it was holiday week, there was a spectacular brunch included every morning! We enjoyed a lavish brunch every morning we were there and then didn’t need lunch!

The first day we explored the strip on one side. We checked out shops, casinos (we don’t gamble, but it was fun to gawk at those who do, and we tried the slots a few times), and did a ton of walking.

I loved our hotel (Encore), but the Venetian is just so cool so we spent quite a bit of time wandering the Grand Canal Shoppes.

We relaxed for a bit in the hotel late afternoon before heading out to Jerry Seinfeld.

After an awesome show, we had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and then crashed at home in front of our gorgeous panoramic views!

The next day we chilled a bit more in the morning following brunch of course, and read, napped and watched some Scandal.

We headed out in the afternoon and explored the other side of the strip.

We stopped at Shake Shack in New York New York for dinner before we made our way to our evening show: The Australian BeeGee’s. Somehow we had front row seats! It was a pretty good show – something very different for us.

The third day, after our daily brunch, we hung out in our hotel and our room again. We wanted to take advantage of that stunning room! Later in the day we headed over to the Venetian and had appetizers in the piazza San Marco area – so good and cool atmosphere. We strolled around and eventually made our way to the Paris hotel and had an amazing steak dinner at Mon Ami Gabi and sat outside, enjoying the fountain show at the Bellagio too. Really a highlight of our trip!

The last day we decided to rent a car and made our way out to Red Rock Canyon which was beautiful.

We then headed over to the LDS Las Vegas Temple and walked the grounds.

We stopped at In n Out Burger for lunch as we like to do when we are out west, and then did some shopping at the outlets (very little, surprisingly!). We had a red eye flight, so we were also able to have dinner at Cafe Rio and then sat in the car (getting some wifi from Starbukcs) and watched some more Scandal until it was time to leave for the airport.

The lines for security were unreal – but we eventually boarded and were home. Exhausted, and hungry of course from all that eating! We climbed back in bed when we got home in prep for NYE – which we celebrated at our have sushi restaurant and low key at home.

Perfect way to spend some kidless alone time and way to end the year!