Jamaica

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Although bad timing due to some ongoing issues with Rob’s family, we had traded our time share a while back for our solo vacation, and headed off to the beaches of Jamaica.

The purpose of this trip was to do nothing. Nothing. 

Happy to say we succeeded.

We read, slept, talked, walked, swam, snuggled, stared at the horizon, laughed, ate, drank, rested, relaxed, watched mindless TV, listened to music and competed in our own little reading challenge. We occasionally talked to others when forced too. We always enjoyed our texts and FaceTime calls with our kids:)

Rob occasionally had some work things to do, I kept up on some email, we worked on a few written projects, and Rob had to field a few calls from the hospital where his Dad is currently.

It was a slow vacation. I’m not sure I’ve ever had that? “What time is it?”, “10am”, “Really? It feels like it should be lunch!”

All in all, it was just what we needed.

I didn’t pull my big camera out once, but took some photos on my phone to at least capture that we were there…(as did Rob so I took some from his phone too:).

 

 

            




Mind the Gap 

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We have a busy summer coming up… Boy do I wish I was a teenager for this summer.

The youth program at our church is a fantastic program. I grew up involved in the program, and while I drool at some of the opportunities the youth have in areas of the world that have a more densely populated program, I think our kids have a great summer planned.

And can I just say, before “church program” brings images of tortured teenaged sitting in bible class, it’s not like that… Ok they do have a form of “bible class” (called seminary and is attended by kids aged 14-18 in the early morning — as opposed to “release time” from school in more heavily populated LDS areas – where it’s like a class they attend at school), but please picture groups of kids excited to get together and meet other groups of kids….there’s a whole lot of socializing and schmoozing that happens. It’s great too because it’s a whole other social outlet aside from school….

Anyhow, Rob is in charge of the youth males, age 12-18 in our area. He puts a ton of work in for those boys, but is having a great time doing it too. This summer there are three main events for the youth:

1) A summer camp for boys age 12-13 on the Ottawa River, which Josh will attend and is super excited to get a Swiss Army knife (a tradition we started for their first year of camp), and all the snacks I pack him.  I think he’s also super excited about the daily notes I will send him with little thoughts and I love you’s. Ha. Zandra will attend the girls version of the camp too – it’s for all ages.

2) A youth leadership conference – with kids 14-18 from all areas – usually around 800 youth, held at a local university. Gabe went last year and LOVED it and said he wished it was for 2 weeks rather than 4 days. So that tells you how much fun it is….and how we don’t have to bribe him to go. It’s a real highlight.  I’m hopefully going to be able to tag along on this one to be an adult leader (which he is concerned I may become “house mother” to a “certain” girl he has been spending a lot of time with….)

3) A trip to Nauvoo, Illinois, where there are some historic sites for the LDS faith. Rob is going on that one as an adult leader and has the exciting responsibility of running a “conference on wheels” — workshops to keep 80 teens occupied during the 15 hour drive each way.

Yikes.

So he has been doing tons of reading, thinking, creating and is planning on doing multiple workshops and activities, including a workshop about technology.

The other day he shared with me some info he had read about the amount of time we spend on techology. We started talking about how we fill all our time… We are early for appointment, we check our emails. We are lazing around the house, we surf the net. A TV commercial comes on,  we catch up on our social media. We fill all the “little gaps” in our life.

I do have to say, I’m queen of filling gap time. And truthfully, that is HOW I get things done – so it’s not all about technology for me. Early for an appointment? I’ll run into the grocery store to pick up a few things we need. Soccer practice runs late? I’ll catch up on some work paperwork that I have brought with me in anticipation of soccer running late. Ready earlier than usual before heading out the door? I will likely unload that dishwasher or give the bathroom a quick clean. I use every second that is allotted to me.

Which is good, because that is how I can get things done efficiently.

And bad, because I don’t benefit from any quiet time.

In discussion with Rob, he had been reading articles about how we have no time for creativity, no time for thinking, no time for spirituality. Our creative inspirations often come during shower time, or as we are drifting off to bed, as that is the only time we leave for “nothingness.” It’s the only gap time we don’t fill.  We tend to fill all the time that we could use for these things with other stuff – such as technology.

What he is working on with sharing with the kids, is recognizing “gap time” and using it in different ways – other than filling it with technology time. He wants them to “mind the gap”; recognize we need some time to allow for inspiration to come, to appreciate nature, beauty, and to connect with our souls. We may choose to use that time to really be present, face to face with someone, or to contemplate some problem we may have. We can pray, meditate or just be still.

So, Rob and I have been making a conscious effort of recognizing gap time, and then minding what we fill it with. For example, when walking home from an errand, I left my phone in my purse and just enjoyed looking at houses, hearing the birds and walking. While out for dinner, I got up to go to the bathroom. Rob usually would pull out his phone to check his email, but instead, he said he just sat there and was just quiet.

Rob’s hope is that he can encourage the youth to start noticing how they fill their gaps, and encourage them to allow time for inspiration, creativity and spirit; and to spend time face to face with others and learn to be still with themselves. Since he is putting the challenge out to them, I figured it was a great challenge for me too!

Mind the gap – what are you filling the gaps with?

One day we will miss this 

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We are pretty much chauffeurs these days. Every single night we have at least 2-3 events happening, and often more. Thank goodness for car pools and kids who are starting to take the subway! 

It actually is a little overwhelming and I crave a night with nothing, when all our kids are home and we can watch a movie.

But for now, we are just blowing kisses as we pass each other on our way out the door.

Rob sent me this text yesterday which puts things into perspective:

  
And then just for laughs, this is what Josh looked like after church on Sunday:

  
How can I not love this stage of life? 

Talking between floors

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Nighttimes are changing around here.

I remember the sleepless nights when I was up multiple times in the night.

I remember nursing Zach and staring out the window at all the city lights and wondering what my boy would be like when he’s older.

I remember having to leverage Josh’s doggies to get him to stay in his room and get back to sleep. He was a feisty fella.

I remember having to train Zandra from getting up twenty times to pee and saying good night thirty five times before going to her bed (stall tactic).

I remember the gazillion tactics we had to use to get Gabe independent on sleeping.

I remember Sam in a crib, taking chocolate milk to bed?!?! What?!? Yeah, that changed on the first night he lived with me. Lol.

Finally, a few years ago we hit a point where we had a solid bed time routine. We read stories together, prayers, did our goodnight rounds and then Rob and I had time to catch up on a bit of the day’s work, AND still and some alone time to debrief, relax, watch some shows, then snuggle. By the time we headed up to bed everyone was long gone into sleepy land.

Slowly though, old routines have become eroded – or at least changed, accommodating new routines. Kids having late practice, kids up doing homework, kids pouring bowls of cereal at late hours, and kids monopolizing the couch and TV that was once mine:(

We still try to force them to bed on school nights at a reasonable time, but that doesn’t mean they sleep.

To set the stage for the next part of my story, I have to describe our home. We live in a tall four story home. The top floor is an open space loft where Zach and Gabe are housed. I remember Rob and I wanting to take that master room when we moved in, but decided it would be better served as a toy room, as well as a room for Zach and Gabe to share. The three other kids each have their own rooms on the third floor,  along with our room.

Josh and Sam’s rooms are beside each other and they are pretty much out like lights as soon as their heads hit their pillows. Zandra’s room is closest to the bathroom and the stairs that lead to Zach and Gabe’s room. For the past couple of years now, the three older kids head up to bed and then “do their own thing”. Often it leads to Zach teasing Zandra, hiding in her room, scaring her or some type of practical joke. We are often yelling up to them to go to sleep!!

The other night though, Rob and I were on our main floor, trying to squeeze in 5 minutes of down time before we headed up to bed (since it was already super late). The two younger guys were long asleep. The three older ones had done their practical jokes and were all in their own rooms and their own beds. I’m not sure if they knew we were on the main floor or in the basement (where we often are, as the family room – and laundry room – is there). But they started talking together – all three of them – two floors apart.

I have to say, it was hilarious. They were discussing friends, funny things that happened at school, who likes who, who was wearing what, who said what etc.. Rob and I just lay and listened and tried to stifle our laughs. Our kids come up with some seriously good stuff.  (It reminded me of our Lake Powell trip last year where Rob and I camped out with the 7 boys and listened – and even recorded –  their hilarious conversation). We didn’t bother yelling up for them to go to sleep, because who really wants to shut down that kind of sibling communication?

Today I was driving and I thought back to their conversation and I chuckled to myself. Then I thought about how one day those hallways would be silent all together. Kids will grow and move out, and we won’t be privy to a glimpse of their sibling world.

I just felt so incredibly blessed that I have these kids to entertain me in the late hours of the night. I am so tired, and I wish they would just get to bed at times! But, I am also loving this phase where they are sharing with each other – and occasionally sharing with us ( if I present with the right kind of night food:)

The days are long, but the years are short…. although I sort of feel like the days are short too at this stage, and I want to soak it all in.

Quote of the Week

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“Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds”

Gordon B. Hinckley.

 

I guess this theme carries through from last week’s quote. And I’m warning you, it carries through next week too. And probably the next, and the next. It’s just something that I seem to have to remind my kids all the time, as they moan and groan over chores, homework, and other responsibilities. And generally speaking, I know my kids are pretty good….

But, I really want them to understand the value of working hard. That hard work does pay off. I worry when I see them sit back and assume that others will do for them, or things will fall into place. Yes, at times, that does happen. But you are in a much better position for success if you do the work. And work is required, whether at a low paying job, or a high paying job; whether at the best school in the country, or the worst school. You still need to work. Of course, the rewards aren’t always immediate, but they are there overall.

Another concern I have had recently is a conversation I had with one of my kids who stated that they (I will use “they” to protect “their” identity) don’t want to do the work. “I’m not a hard worker; it’s just not me.”

This conversation bothered me; that this child of mine was not feeling capable of all the things I know they have potential to do – with a little hard work! Especially at this age!  “It’s just not me.” How do you even know what is “you” when you are a teenager? Please don’t label yourself in a category at this early stage in life! You have infinite potential! You are of infinite worth! Do you not not know what can lie ahead of you? Amazing things!

I got a promotional email from the company Lumosity this morning (lots of my clients use the program – although it’s still up for debate on how effective it is – but they often have good little emails), and in it talked about growth mindset vs fixed mindset. It said:

Mindset over Matter: How mindset can impact learning

We hold many beliefs about ourselves. Maybe you believe you’re a good friend, a slow runner, a critical thinker, and a mediocre cook. Recent research explores how our mindsets about our intelligence can influence real-life outcomes.

Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck researches how having a growth mindset — the belief you can increase your intellectual abilities through hard work and practice — may improve learning outcomes and academic performance.

Professor Dweck’s team surveyed New York City 7th graders, identifying whether students believed intelligence could be increased with effort (growth mindset), or thought it was predetermined and unchangeable (fixed mindset).

The research team then sought to change the mindsets of a group of low-achieving middle schoolers. 91 students took a short course on brain physiology and study skills. Among these students, a test group also studied how intelligence is malleable, while a control group did not.

The student’s mindsets and their grades showed the difference. Student responses to an end-of-year survey indicated that the test group had shifted towards more of a growth mindset. This change correlated to significant improvements in math grades, whereas the control showed no change in grades or mindset.
Why mindset matters
What could explain these striking results? Imagine you believe you’re a shaky storyteller and always will be. When a friend prompts you to tell a story, this belief may cause you to rush and rarely experiment with jokes or delightful details. Your mindset may prevent you from building your story-telling skills long-term.

Believing an ability is “fixed” may leave you unmotivated and easily demoralized by setbacks, according to Professor Dweck’s research. In contrast, adopting a growth mindset can motivate you to put in more effort and overcome tough challenges.
What’s your mindset?
Research on mindset reminds us that what we believe about ourselves isn’t just in our heads: it impacts our actions and accomplishments – how we face challenges and reach our goals.

So next time you tackle a difficult new task, whether it’s public speaking or learning to change a tire, try adopting a growth mindset. We can’t wait to see what you achieve.

I sent my child this info along with a little message. Here is part of it:

Please read this short article (above)….

Then think about the conversations we have had about the need to do hard work and your idea that “it’s just not in you; you are not that kind of person…”. Not only do I not believe that based on my eternal view (the view that the whole point of the atonement is Christ suffered so that we can change and/or grow and improve – so that we can take areas that are weaker and make them our greatest strengths, that He can conquer and help us overcome all fear and insecurities, that He can help us undo our mistakes and show us how to change) but scientific research tells us that what we tell ourselves – the dialogue in our head, the script that we repeat over and over, our actual mindset – impacts our thinking, our ability our outcomes….

I then challenged him to do some growing  – both spiritually and temporally.

I think hard work needs to start from a belief that you have the potential, and a belief that hard work will pay off (eventually — which that is the hardest part for most). Hopefully this message will slowly seep into my teenagers’ brains and hearts….

 

Quote of the Week

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“When someone really cares about you, they make an effort, not an excuse.”

Do you ever get sick of excuses? I do.

Of course, there are people in this world who are likely tired of my excuses:(

We are not perfect, we all mess up. But, I think effort is THE most important thing.

Although the quote is talking about relationship effort, I think it is applicable to all effort.

As the kids are heading into the final term of school – I keep reminding them of the effort they need to put in.

In the past few weeks I don’t know how many times we have talked about “how life is hard”. You have to put hard work into it. Hard work into school, jobs, cleaning your room:), and relationships. Very little in life that is worth it is easy. Another little tip I have told them is sometimes that the hard work that you put in NOW will save you from a lot of REALLY hard work later (the whole ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure idea).

I’m also a big believer in work hard, play hard too…

So lets push forward, more effort, less excuses – for us all – in all areas of our lives.

Happy Mother’s Day

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From Johannesburg to Nags Head, from Italy to the canyons of the West, to the shores of down under and all in between

You have been such a wonderful mother to our children, the best the world has seen,

With style and aplomb of an expert in her field, you never bat an eye at what our days will yield

To say you have a heart the largest we have seen would only impart the smallest of our feeling

To be a husband of a woman so strong, divine in nature in the world and its throng leaves me breathless at morn and as we settle for bed

I am the luckiest man alive to have thee wed

So on this Mother’s Day, where the world didn’t’ seem to want to stop, I hope we can make you feel that it all matters not

It is you that forms our world and brings us joy so full, it is you that shows us how and where the best things are to do!!

Our travel bug Meski, the mom that never quits, the mom that brings us to the world at 6 (media Meski!!), the one we love so dear.

I love you so much.

Robbie


 

 

 

 

Happy 14th Birthday Zandra! 

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Someone has a birthday today! 

But that someone is not here 🙁

Zandra and Zach left at 6:30 this morning for a school trip to Quebec City. They were super excited to go. 

   
  (Backpacks they had to bring)

  
I ordered a special sunrise for her birthday that we saw as we drove to school:) 

  Last night we celebrated with a birthday dinner, strawberry shortcake and presents:

   
        

I sent Zach with all the stuff for her candy poster (he was to give her them individually throughout the day and at night she gets a picture of what it looks like all put together):

  
She had a busy birthday weekend too as the kids went to youth conference and had a great time.

So we didn’t see much of her but what better way to spend your 14th birthday then with fun and friends!

14 things I love about Zandra:

1. Best hugger. Always willing, a big tight squeeze!

2. Huge heart! Just so kind:)

3. There is this awesome innocence about her. Love her spirit and her soul.  

4. Great dancer! She can move!

5. Puts good effort into everything.

6. Very thoughtful – thinks of others, considers their feelings.

7. Fantastic with hair, nails, makeup. 

8. Great soccer defense

9. Zest for life! Enthusiastic, energetic, positive, optimistic.

10. Very artistic. Great talent!

11. Loves her doggie:) So good with animals.

12. Loves her Dadio and loves hugging him, hanging  off him and doing silly voices with him. 

13. Strong values and integrity

14. Funny girl. Great sense of humour. Loves to laugh. Awesome laugh! 

And a million more things!

Love you Sweet Pea! Happy Birthday! 

Xo

All is ok…

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So much craziness going on…(some good– we were on the CBC – both The National on Monday night, and then live on CBC radio yesterday–about my sister’s story; some just hard — Rob’s family situation)…. 

But in the midst of of it all, I came upstairs to bed to see this:

  
Which makes everything in the world ok:)