Quote of the Week 

Life has been a little crazy around here, but I wanted to get things back on track with our quote of the week. 

We have had such an outpouring of support for my sister Sarah and her situation and I can’t thank everyone enough. Rob and I drove to Montreal yesterday to be interviewed, along with my Mom and sister, by CBC news about her story. Hopefully it will air next week and we will get some kind of resolution. Will keep you posted! 

On Rob’s side, we are experiencing some intense things as well, with his Mom having broken her hip and trying to recover, but all in the midst of this crazy, stressful, ongoing legal battle with his siblings (he’s not involved, but is caught in the middle –). Crazy, I tell you. Just crazy. And super sad. I’m not quite sure how family has been so lost.

The only good thing out of it is my kids are learning a lot about life, decisions, responsibility, loyalty, hard work, family  and relationships. They have been really great supprts, rallying together to help out and trying to support the dramas on both sides of our families. 

In the midst of all this, I still think there is room for a little gratitude. Rob and I have had lots of time and opportunities to evaluate the situations on both sides, discuss what we can help with, and what is beyond our control. Discuss the decisions we have made and choose to make, discuss the boundaries we must put in place, especially in light of Rob’s heart attack last year…. 

It’s extremely ironic, in my eyes, how shortly after Rob’s heart attack was when full on war broke out on his side of the family. I guess it didn’t impact them enough, but it certainly impacted us. Which is why, when I saw this quote, I thought it was meant for me. Before feeling down and discouraged by the chaos, I need to choose gratitude:
  
And I found another reason to be grateful: gorgeous boys who steal my phone in church:

   
         

Or just on a random day: 

   
  

Love these boys even though they are also driving me crazy!!! 

My Disabled Sister is a Person Too, Even in Quebec

I remember clearly when my sister Sarah was born. I was thrilled to have a little sister. I remember my brother bursting into my room and announcing “Mom had her baby!” then miserably add, “It’s a girl”. He, obviously, wanted a boy. But it took a few seconds for us to both fall in love with her sweet spirit.

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Several months later however, my grandmother noted that my sister wasn’t reaching the milestones as expected.  And so began the long journey of discovery leading to a diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy, with both cognitive and physical manifestations.

Sarah, or as my kids affectionately call her “Auntie Di” (when Zach was little, “Sarah” was too hard for him to say, so he called her “Di”. Not sure why, but it stuck and years later she is our “Auntie Di”), is one of the kindest, most compassionate, caring people you will ever meet. Years of therapy, hard work, perseverance, and enthusiasm have  allowed her to lead a very respectable life. With support, she completed high school, has always been an active participant in our Church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints), and since finishing school has always “worked” through government training programs (making a pitiful $130 per month) at institutions such as Winners, Celestica, West Island Readaptation Centre, Brunswick Medical Centre or currently, stocking shelves at a food bank. She loves to serve, and even though her disability has prevented her from working and leading a fully independent life, she has made sure she is a valuable contributor in society. She resides with my mother in an English speaking town just outside of Montreal, Quebec, in the same house my brother and I were raised in as well.

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At the age of 18, in hopes of developing her independence as she became a legal adult in Quebec, Sarah applied for social assistance. Knowing that she would never be able to work and be self sufficient, this was her only option of income given the physical and cognitive challenges that her Cerebral Palsy, coupled with a later diagnosed seizure disorder, that was available to her. Along with the limited funding provided by social assistance of $918/month (an amount that no one is really able to live off of, never mind when extra support is required), Sarah was also eligible to have her monthly medications covered by the Quebec government.  While not receiving much money on a monthly basis, she was able to have some level of independence. Given she lives with my Mom, who is a pensioner and a widower for the past 12 years, Sarah has taken pride and ensured she uses her own money to pay for things like her public transportation, clothing, personal affects, entertainment, as well as contribute a portion for things like food to help my Mom out.

When my father was alive, both he and my Mom were always very concerned about Sarah’s future. Knowing she would not be able to live independently, they worried what would happen to her when they both passed away. When my Dad passed away in 2003, it became more of a worry. I reassured my Mom that I would be Sarah’s guardian, however the logistics and reality of doing that are a bit tricky when you live in another province and have 5 kids of your own. A couple of years ago, my Mom and I began some estate planning to ensure that Sarah would be taken care of. At that time, my mother let me know that over many years she and my Dad had saved a little bit here and a little bit there and accumulated some money that they wanted to save for Sarah’s future. Although not much money, it was something that could be used for Sarah’s future.

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I did a bit of research and found out that, in Canada, you can establish something called a “Henson Trust” (sometimes called an “Absolute Discretionary Trust”) designed to benefit disabled persons. It is set up to protect the assets of a disabled person, as well as protect the right to collect government benefits and entitlements. The person who is disabled, has no direct access to the money, rather the trustee of the trust will only disperse funds in the event that they are needed. They often do not disperse the funds directly to the person who is disabled, rather use these funds for things such as assistance or resources that the person may require, and that obviously their meagre social assistance payments would certainly not be able to cover. In our case, although a modest amount of money, we decided a Henson Trust would be ideal to set up for the future to set aside money to help pay for personal support workers, additional caregivers, nurses and other services that Sarah would no doubt need when my mother passed away.

Unfortunately, like many things in Quebec, a Henson trust does not exist. Although it has been around and recognized since the late 80’s in the rest of Canada, it is not used in Quebec. We finally found a lawyer who informed us that although a “Henson Trust” does not exist, you can create a similar trust  entitled an “Absolute Discretionary Trust” which essentially has the same terms and conditions. We created it. My Mom took the savings that she had been saving for Sarah and moved them all to various accounts under the “Sarah Ruth Davidson Trust” in 2012.

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Shortly after, the Quebec government got wind of this new found trust account. While clearly labelled as a trust account, and clearly set up as an Absolute Discretionary Trust Account, they insisted that my sister now had too much money to qualify for social assistance (she is only allowed a maximum of $2500 in her bank account) and cut off all her social assistance funding and medical coverage in December 2013. They would not consider any arguments presented by my Mom (as Sarah is not capable of defending or representing herself), and my Mom was forced to engage a lawyer.

Sarah’s lawyers have attempted many times over the past 15 months since she was cut off to get her reinstated, but to no avail. The Quebec government has insisted that Sarah must use up her “trust funds” and in fact has also demanded back pay for funds she received the year prior!

In the interim, with no sources of funding for my sister, and no medical coverage, my mother has withdrawn some money from the trust fund to pay for incidentals, and the government now has the nerve to be accusing my mother of inappropriately “taking money from the trust fund” and are trying to force her to account for every cent that that has been used. Ironically, the majority of the money that was removed from one account in the trust fund (a chequing account), was merely transferred to another account in the trust fund (an investment account), not into my mother’s pocket as they have accused her of.  However, some funds have been withdrawn to help cover the costs of things such as Sarah’s medications, public transit, and personal effects. How else is she expected to cover these costs? According to the Quebec government, my mother – who is on a fixed pension and a widower – should cover it all.

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A request to have Sarah’s social assistance urgently reviewed (after it had been cut off for 1 year) was made and a hearing was held in January 2015 (the hearing was conducted in French, despite both my mother and sister being English speaking. Their lawyer attempted to provide some translation). The results of that hearing were shocking: They asked my mother if she was planning on kicking my sister out of the house or would she continue to allow Sarah to stay, (even though Sarah could not contribute to any of the expenses and my mother had to also cover all additional expenses such as Sarah’s medical expenses.) Obviously my mother would not kick her disabled daughter onto the street! Well, according to the government representative at the hearing, Sarah was therefore not at any real risk and there was absolutely no reason to reinsate her social assistance. The government representative also suggested that Sarah had access to an older brother and sister who could provide her with assistance if need be. Sarah would have to go to court to fight for social assistance. Sarah would have to use her entire trust account before her reinstatement would be considered.

The written position of this government representative (which was written only in French, I might add, although the lawyer’s office attempted to translate it, but it is still very difficult to understand) was that the “family trust” was to be depleted as it was the responsibility of the family to care for Sarah. Attempts were made to explain that this trust account was NOT in fact a usual family trust account, but one that was created in the same manner of a Henson trust. In fact, in early 2014 the Quebec Superior Court even heard a case almost identical to Sarah’s case and it was ruled:

In conclusion, the court makes a parallel with the common law rules applicable in other Canadian provinces and recognizes that while the statutory dispositions are different, the principles are essentially the same in Quebec and in the rest of Canada. This type of trust is already recognized in the rest of Canada and is commonly known as a “Henson Trust.” The court summarizes the rule that applies in other provinces as follows:
“The eventual and precarious “right” of the beneficiary of a discretionary trust does not make him lose his right to social security payments to which he is otherwise entitled under the law.”

But, the Quebec government refuses to acknowledge this kind of trust and this ruling. In fact now, after an appeal, another representative of the government is overseeing the file and now insisting on a full accounting of all monies that have been removed from the trust, and stating that THIS is now the reason why Sarah has not been reinstated, as she has access to the trust money and has been using it, or even her mother has been misusing it. They fail to miss the point that the only reason the trust money has ever been touched (and to a very small degree) is because Sarah has NO MONEY to live on!!!!

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Their position continues to be that as long as she is living with my mother, has access to this trust fund (which again, Sarah has no access to it), she is not entitled to benefits.

In my mind, it is simple:

1) Sarah is an adult. She is a citizen of Canada and a resident of Quebec. She files a personal income tax every year. She votes. She is permanently disabled and fits all the criteria of being eligible for social assistance based on her disability. There is no possibility of her ever being employable and living completely independently.

2) The Quebec Superior Court in early 2014 ruled that the type of trust set up for Sarah is valid and needs to be upheld in Quebec, and that the monies protected in the trust does not make her lose her right for her social security payments. (And let me assure you, the monies are limited;and will be used to provide Sarah with the additional care that she will need when she is no longer living with my mother)

But to the government of Quebec? Sarah, who is 38 years old, is not entitled to any social assistance . She is living with my mother and therefore it is my mother’s obligation to provide for her. Sarah, has no rights as an adult.

Can I just also add how completely insulting, degrading and dehumanizing it has been for my sister to be consistently told that she has no right to her own money, as she is an obligation that my mother has to care for? Although disabled, can you perhaps think that she might have feelings and this is impacting her sense of self worth? (I won’t go into how health wise this has affected her, but you know how stress affects the body…) Can you imagine not being entitled to ANY money? When thousands of others are collecting social assistance for the very same reason, or for other reasons (and some of them questionable even).

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What is my purpose in writing this? It’s two fold really.

Firstly, I feel helpless. The only option is to go to court – which we will have to do eventually  – or for my mother to kick Sarah out onto the street. But why should this have to become a court case? Sarah clearly qualifies for the program that I, and so many of you are  paying for! Were these programs not created for us to help support the people in society – who for no fault of their own – can not take care of themselves?

We must stand up for those suffering with disabilities! We must ensure that they are not denied their basic rights! We must speak up for the Sarah’s in this world! Please spread the word, help Sarah get reinstated to the social assistance program, and protect others from the abusive behaviour of the Quebec government!

Secondly, and most importantly, my purpose in writing this is to let Sarah know that she is loved, she is valued and she is of infinite worth. And I would like you to tell her that too! I have opened up an email account at care4sarahd@gmail.com and a twitter account for Sarah – so please email or tweet her to show her your love! @care4sarahd

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Please pass this post along to help care for Sarah! We can make a difference!

Last Day – Camp’s Bay Beach

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Very close to our guesthouse was a beautiful beach called Camp’s Bay Beach.

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We decided to spend our last day doing what we do best, hanging by the ocean and beaching it!

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The boys were crazy and spent lots of time jumping the waves in the freezing cold water. Granted, they are Canadians and are used to the cold Atlantic, but it was insane! They also played their typical beach baseball and then buried Josh.

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We found a great little place for our last meal: Ocean Blue. We all enjoyed some seafood and discussed some of our memories over the past 12 days.

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We headed back to hang at the pool in the backyard, before having to shower and pack up:( to get ready for our 25 hour travel back home.

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We had very little internet the whole trip – exact at this exact moment! So, every time you see one of us on our phones, it’s usually because we are looking at pictures! But here, I am prepping to get back to the real world:(

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I’m sitting now in the Heathrow airport writing this post, after our first 12 hour flight. It was an absolute breeze. We all slept for about 8-9 hours! We have a 5 hour layover, before we fly another 8 hours home:) This is always the hardest part of travel. But, oh, so worth it….

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Happy Easter

Every year during the week leading up to Easter (Holy Week) I have such good intentions to really focus on Holy Week. But every year, I feel like we run out of time and maybe rush through Easter a little too fast.

I wish I could say this year was dramatically different, but life is still so rushed. HOWEVER,  we did get to have nice Family Night (FHE) where we reviewed the Saviour’s last days , and we did get to read from the scriptures several mornings about his last week, His crucifixion and his glorious resurrection. We got to watch some great videos too, which I find is sometimes the best way to teach and feel the Spirit (regardless of your beliefs). Here’s a quick one highlighting Easter: http://www.mormon.org/easter

I was happy that my kids were pretty well versed and we could discuss some deeper parts and really talk about what Easter means.

This weekend is also our church’s general conference ; every 6 months the leaders of our church give inspirational talks all weekend long. Just so awesome that we get to slow down and just sit and listen and feel inspired to go out and be better, do better, love more, serve more, express gratitude more.

The women of the church had a separate meeting broadcasted last week, which Zandra and I attended (although they are online, we go to the church to watch this one with other women)  but due to jet lag, skipped going out for dinner and struggled to stay awake during:(

Last night Rob took the boys to the men’s meeting (it’s their tradition too to go instead of watching online). This year Josh could join them (you have to be 12), but he fell asleep pretty quickly. They went for sushi first, and I tell you, I love watching them all dressed up, excited for sushi (and complaining about how long the session would be — let’s face it – they are kids/teens and church these days is not so popular with their friends (I think they are the only ones out of their peers who go to church – never mind on a Saturday night!)), but just the mere fact of going together strengthens their bonds, and hopefully they take in a message or two (Rob does, so that makes it all good!) He sends me pics like these:

      

Can you believe that these handsome fellas are part of my family? Eek! Wish I had a picture of my dashing husband! He shared with me how the boys giggled, were silly, teased and taunted, took pictures, shared stories and barely listened….but will likely always remember that they went to sushi and conference. Sometimes that is what is important.

Happy Easter to all.  Regardless of what religion you may be, whether religious or not, may you and your family feel love and appreciation for each other. That’s what it’s all about.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Winelands and Table Mountain

Although we are not wine drinkers, we can certainly appreciate the stunning landscape of the wine regions.

We headed out early this morning to visit the town of Stellenbosch and then its neighboring town of Franschoek.

Firstly, we passed by some townships on our way out of Cape Town.

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Then we started heading into the mountains and got some of these views:

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Stunning is all I can say.

We walked through Stellenbosch, enjoying the Old Europe feel to this town.

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Just outside of Franschoek there was a motor museum with an extremely rare private car collection. Rob took the boys there and he was in heaven. Zandra and I tried to just walk the grounds, but were stopped by security so we just hung out in the lobby and bought some tasty home baking from the lobby shop.

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We would have loved to have stopped to have lunch at one of the gorgeous cafes in Franschoek, but at this stage in our journey our kids are getting a bit unruly (fighting, bickering, teasing, taunting) and our patience is slim (it was a rough day overall).

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So, we opted not to have the frustrating experience of enjoying a lovey café meal with them. Rather, we stopped at the side of the highway and had lunch at Wimpys. I didn’t bother to take a picture. What I really needed a picture of was how many free candies my kids took on their way out of the restaurant.

We finally made our way to Table Mountain – one of the top things to do in Cape Town. The mountain, well, it looks like a table top! There is a gondola that you take up – but sometimes it is closed due to high winds, so we were happy it was open and relatively clear to see the views.

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The views were spectacular. Breathtaking! I am totally aware that from this point on I am posting waaaaayyyyy too many pictures, but I can’t help it. It was truly beautiful.

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^^ Yes, totally not us climbing that mountain…

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^^Not us either. I like to use Rob’s heart attack as the reason we would never be allowed to do this sort of thing. That’s the only reason.

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Shaun finally made an appearance – even though he was with us the whole time.

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The clouds were moving so fast and we got rolled into several of them! It was freezing up there!

We walked along the path as far as you could go. It really was stunning. We all wanted to take similar poses ( I like having the kids pose individually even if it is the same pose, as I use it in their individual Valentine albums). I have to give Zach credit too, many of these photos are his:)

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^^ Take it fast! It’s really windy!!

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^^ Have I said anything about Gabe’s boots yet? Well, as we were leaving, heading through the Toronto airport, I noticed Gabe was wearing these big boots. He informed me those were the only “shoes” he brought. I was ** this ** close to freaking out – but figured, it’s his feet. He wore those dang boots everywhere – even in the heat. We chuckled every time we saw him. But apparently we have no style. We’ll discuss this again in 20 years when he looks at the pictures…Although they look perfectly normal hiking today. But the other days, in the heat?!?!?

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^^Umm Zach. It sort of looks like you are about to push Josh. I’m guessing that is the next step. Then a fight happens. Then Zach would deny everything. He certainly likes to instigate and now I have the proof in photo.

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^^Standing in the clouds!

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After waiting in the freezing cold to take the gondola back, we got in our absolutely perfect parking spot (the absolute closest spot to the gate; avoiding the 20-30 minute walk up hill from the main parking at the front entrance – small things that make you happy) and headed back to crash.

The kids played in the pool while Rob and I chilled in the hammocks and read. As I mentioned, the kids were getting a bit unruly, so many little fights ensued.

(I sometimes can’t stand how badly my kids treat each other. I got so seriously mad at one of them, that I threw him into the pool. Yup. I was mad. It wasn’t a cute, funny kind of throw into the pool…it was a full, “I’m fed up” throw into the pool (but very deserved))

They can be cute when they are playing like this though. So I’ll put a picture in to make it seem like this is what they are always like:

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We rested a bit more and I ended up watching another glorious sunset before we headed back to the V&A Waterfront to our same little Café Alfredo (which I forgot to get a pic of) and enjoyed another yummy meal.

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^^On our way to the waterfront for dinner. Can you see the moon and star (or planet!) It was just gorgeous!

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Tomorrow is our last day. We are heading to the beach….

Cape Peninsula Tour Day

It was heavenly to sleep in until 8am! We were all completely exhausted so needed a longer sleep. We all said we woke up around 5 am – to a big rain storm, which I was worried would threaten our plans, but by the time 9am rolled around, the sky was beautiful!

We met our guide, Conroy and he drove us around for the day. It was nice for Rob to have a break in driving and be the passenger and enjoy the gorgeous scenery. He asks a lot a questions too so it gets our guide talking about all the little things, which makes it so much more interesting.

The drive out from Cape Town along the coast to Cape of Good Hope is amazing. Up there with other amazing drives for sure: California coast (Big Sur area), French Riviera, Amalfi coast.

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Our first stop was at Hout Bay at this amazing look out.

What was amazing, was who was there: Back in London, we had been sitting at a wrong gate and started chatting to these 2 couples that we found out were from Kingston, Ontario (about a 3 hour drive form us; where Rob had attended his undergrad at Queens’ University). One of man’s name was Reg – and he reminded me so much of my Uncle Tom. He was very friendly, and funnily enough we all realized we were on the next flight together to Johannesburg, but were at the wrong gate! We headed over to the right gate, but never saw them again.

When we arrived at our guest house in Johannesburg, there they were! We had a great time talking with them, comparing itineraries, exchanging stories. Lovely, lovely people. Rob got Reg’s (I kept on calling him Reggie:)) email and we said we would exchange stories after our trip. They were flying out the next day to Port Elizabeth and making their way to Cape Town the week after (followed by Botswana). We of course headed off to the Greater Kruger area.

Well lo and behold, who did we bump into at the look out of Hout Bay? Them! It was like a grand reunion!! Hugs all around and we got to share some stories. It was awesome! I love how connected you can be to people you just met. What a small, beautiful world!

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We continued our drive and our guide shared some history, and even took us into a township. It actually is quite sad; there is still such a division of the rich and the poor.

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We headed up to Cape of Good Hope (which is supposed to be the most southern tip of Africa where the Atlantic meets the Indian ocean – but it’s not – there is a tip more southern about 3 hours away). Nonetheless, it was just gorgeous. We hiked up onto the rocks a little bit for views, but then drove up to the lighthouse. There we walked up the many steps to the lighthouse and the views were stunning! (I know I’m overdoing with pictures…)

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We continued along our way, stopping for what the kids were most excited for: Boulder Beach with the African penguins. Pretty cool.

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Lunch was in the town just outside where the penguins were, called Simon’s town. We were not blown away by the food unfortunately, but the town was very cute.

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We continued along the windy road back up the other side, and then drove into Cape Town where he showed us the city hall, shopping areas and some other interesting buildings. If we had more energy, we might have walked around, but all we wanted to do was head back to our little apartment.

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We decided to just stay put for the evening. The kids hung by the pool and swung on the hammocks. They then played some cards and I finally finished book #2 on this trip!

I made everyone come out on the balcony and watch the incredible sunset. Zandra had said to me on the trip, “you really do love your skies”; I really do. They just make me feel good and marvel at the beauty of the earth.

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(This may look like a real baboon, but it’s just one that Josh bought!^^)

We had grilled cheese for dinner with ice-cream for dessert and had one of those meals where so many funny things were happening and we were just laughing and laughing. It was a “thin meal” , really.

You know you have run your kids ragged, when they all voluntarily, by 9 pm say they are going to bed. Rob and I headed to bed as well.

The time is slipping away. I wish I could stop time….

 

Heading to Cape Town

Rise and shine at 4:45am again. Looking forward to tomorrow when we can sleep in until 7am!

We landed early morning and had a full day ahead of us!

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This is the first thing you see on your way into Cape Town; some townships. Many don’t have running water, but many have satellite dishes.

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Driving to our guesthouse – this was the view:

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We went to the guest house and dropped our bags, and then headed off to the Cape Town Soccer Stadium. There we had a short tour (they didn’t offer the regular tours today as they were taking down the stage from a concert the night before). The boys were happy with it.

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We made our way to the V&A waterfront and rode the Ferris wheel to get the views – very beautiful!

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We wandered around and watched some seals, watched the swing gate open and saw some of the landmarks there (Noble Square, Clock tower).

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I thought this was pretty funny:

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We took the 3pm tour to Robben Island, where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for 18 years . It was a great tour, and very humbling to have the tour led by an ex political prisoner. We all learned a lot.

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The views of Cape Town from Robben Island were quite pretty:

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This was a typical view – everyone taking pictures (on their camera or phones….)^^^

It got super cold on our way back on the ferry, so we decided to grab dinner right at the waterfront. We were worried it was a total tourist trap, but wanted to warm up! We found a great little pizza and pasta place (we were all craving pasta!) and had a really nice dinner before making our way back to our guest house.

We got everyone ready, and then Rob found a spider. Rob is not good with spiders and this was a biggie. I’m usually ok with them – but it was big for me and I was tired! So, Rob told Zach he’d pay him $10 to get rid of the spider. Zach managed to get the giant spider covered with a glass. Gabe filmed the whole thing and it is totally hilarious! We are such chickens!!

Tomorrow we head out on a tour with a private guide – looking forward to it!

 

Quote of the Week

Trying to settle back to the reality of life, so wanted to get back to posting my quote of the week even though I’m not done posting about South Africa yet! 

I thought this little gem was perfect that I found on someone’s Facebook page. 

  

I had a conversation with someone the other day about vacations (and travel — but they can be two different things – I love both!) He mentioned how I must be putting off saving money and certainly postponing my retirement by taking all these vacations and big trips. I’m not so sure it was said in an approving way either:) 

Yes. Very true. And it’s going to take me longer to pay my mortgage off too.

He started talking about where do you draw the line? Travel is great. You enjoy it, have a good time, make some memories, take a few pics. But in the end, you just have a few memories and a big bill to pay. How much is it worth to have those memories? 

He was leaning towards it’s a bit of a waste of money….

Maybe for him.

For me? I know! Isn’t it fabulous that you come out of it with experiences, memories and photos!? That to me IS worth every cent. 

I shared with him that my perspective had been shaped by my own life circumstances too. 

Both Rob and I had a major setback in our 30’s. Not only emotionally, physically, spiritually… But financially. When you get divorced, everything you have built up financially is pretty much gone. I was lucky that I wasn’t devastated – but still, any equity you had built up must be split. And let’s face it, I had only been a home owner for 4 years, had 2 young kids and taken a year off with each one, so our equity was slim which meant my half of our equity was even more slim.

Rob? Devastated. Starting completely over.

But it’s bad timing! Because now your kids are getting older, you want to experience things with them, but you also want to start rebuilding! 

We decided that as much as we wanted to rebuild, we had to come to the realization that rebuilding would take time and neither of us were willing to put experiences on hold while we rebuilt completely. So while some of our friends are paying their mortgages off in their 40’s, we know we have a long way to go…. But it’s our choice. It’s ok. We make sacrifices with some of the little things and make bigger timelines for the bigger things. We are blessed that we both have good jobs and good discipline and agree with what our choices are. 

Also, being a blended family means leading a very unique lifestyle. You never are really “alone”. There are always intrusions in your daily life. Other parents’ influence, interactions, negotiations, change of plans. Not that it is all bad, of course, but you are never free to just say “let’s go do this” because you have to consider so many factors. Plus, kids have transitions between homes. When they return, they go through this transition getting settled in. “Welcome back to our home and routine.”

When we travel? It’s just us. We do what we want, when we want, how we want. It’s uninterrupted time. We can get in our groove. We create memories that are not shared with their other family. They are unique to us. It strengthens not only our individual relationships, but our whole identity as the CDFs. That to me is absolutely priceless.

Then there’s the whole travel aspect. Learning new things, experiencing different cultures, seeing the beauty… That to me is also priceless! 

Finally, as I sat in that wait room one year ago waiting to see if Rob had survived his heart attack, my mind raced with everything. It’s actually amazing what and how much your mind can think of in one of those moments. Everything races. Our daily life, how we met, what he looked like when I found him, our kids, how the people next to me could be eating fried chicken in this kind of wait room, our sealing, did we do the right thing driving him, our faith, our home, our dog, our sushi nights, would he make it, how grateful I was my bro and sis in law were there, why was my phone dead now, and then tons of flashes of what? Our travel. Seriously! Travel with kids. Travel together. Fun times. Spiritual times. Scary times. Romantic times. Sunsets. Stars. Meals. Ocean waves. Nature. Animals. Hikes. Beaches. Thin places. Hotel Rooms. Loud noises. Silence. Colours. Tastes. Music. Laughing. All these things raced and these kept me going…. Wanting more and the quiet peace that settled over me that we would have more.

Sitting in that range rover, looking at the African sky, surrounded by my kids (who weren’t fighting at that moment but taking it all in too), staring at my husband who is alive and  better than ever? That is worth every cent . That memory alone. 

So where do I draw the line? I think my line is further than many people’s line, based on our circumstances, desires, values and opportunities. A memory is enough for me. In fact, that’s what I’m after….

Goodbye Elephant Plains

We awoke this morning all a little sad that this was the last safariL

Our goal was to find cheetah – the only animal we had not seen, but it was doubtful.

I was trying to find the perfect tree too in the rising sun sky.

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What we did end up seeing are more elephants – up close and personal. I mean, up close and personal! It was very cool – although as we were leaving, one elephant gave her roar(??? What is that sound called – you know, the elephant sound!)

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This was a typical view when there was a cool sighting:

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But this is a better view:

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We also saw 5 rhino together, giraffe, hyena, wild dogs, and a ton of hippo in a water hole where we stopped for hot chocolate. There was a croc there too.

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I finally got my kids to pose for some shots:)

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It was a great end to 27+hours of safari time.

We had breakfast and then packed up to head back to Jo’burg. This was our breakfast view:

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The drive back was not quite uneventful — we drove on the road the GPS instructed us, only to find it completely blocked by a fallen tree so had to get rerouted – which added some time.

The scenery was beautiful – can’t really capture it all on photo though:

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Then we stopped at McDonalds, walked in and Josh all of a sudden started puking!!! I think he was just completely exhausted combined with car sickness. It was quite the scene in McDonalds (and came as a complete surprise to everyone – including him!), but I have to admit, I was relieved it had not happened in the car!

Next we got pulled over by the police (3rd time this trip – had paid first police officer off, second one just looked at Rob’s license), and this time tried to tell us we were going to fast. Rob said we were going 80 and it was an 80 zone. The cop said it was a 60 zone. Sick of this kind of corruption, we both were feeling much more gutsy and Rob told him he knew it was an 80 zone as we had just seen the sign. I then showed him on my GPS how it said it was an 80 zone. He backed off, said we were not convincing , but that we should be more careful and then drive safer. He looked in our car and then talked about our beautiful family and we left, feeling happy we had not been forced to pay him off again!

Lastly, we drove through another cool rainstorm – with lots of lightning. It was quite spectacular again, but made driving a bit tough for Rob. We were happy to check back into the guesthouse in Johannesburg and say so long to our non air conditioned truck:

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We had another great meal, played some ping pong and headed to bed as we had an early flight (can’t wait to sleep in!)

Elephant Plains Game Lodge Days

We slept in three different rooms – all side by side. The funniest was when we all got together we exchanged stories about this air freshener in our room that freaked each of us out! It’s this little spray thing that was perched high on an armoire and sprays every so often letting out this hissing sound. A little intimidating when you are sitting on the edge of the nature reserve with big 5 out there! Rob heard ours and we wondered, “what the heck is that” – but he tracked it down and all was well. Apparently Gabe heard his, but Zach was fast asleep. He was freaked out because he thought is was a warthog in his room! Zandra heard hers and panicked because both Josh and Sam were already asleep and she thought it was a snake (she found a snake in the bathroom of our treehouse lodge – a little too rustic for me!) She woke Sam up – and they finally tracked down the air freshener!

We went on our morning drive and got to bump into a rhino, which completed our big 5 viewings here. We had some excitement as the wild dogs were really hungry and we saw them try to chase down a warthog (he got away and went in a whole). We saw more elephants, baby hyena, and a giraffe. They really took us into the bush to chase those wild dogs. We were literally driving over trees!

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We came back to the lodge and spent the rest of the day chilling. The kids played ping pong and pool, they went swimming and played this animal card game that Josh bought. I also convinced them to help put together a scrapbook I had brought along (just a book where we are gluing in things from our trip – ticket stubs, menus, little memories). Rob and I snuck away for a massage too. Everyone took advantage of the cool outdoor showers that each room has to get ready for the evening.

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The evening drive was a little slow. We had two other people join our jeep. We had been joking that we always get our own jeep (7/8 times so far , Gabe coining it #bigfamilyperks) – but it was nice to chat with some others. Not too many people talk with us – I guess we can say #annoyedbybigfamily or #scaredoftoomanychildren. Unfortunately, we didn’t see too much – although we did get a good view of zebra messing with the baboons, a couple of baboons getting a talking to by their elder, and a cutie 1 month old giraffe. Every time you head out, you see something different.

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And the sunset sky was awesome, as usual:)

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We went back to our room to rest up for dinner, which is served only at 8pm. Makes for a long day when you are up at 5am. Josh was seriously delirious with fatigue. I tried to wake him to come eat – enticing him with the dinner around the fire (they call it the boma) consisting of his favourites: steak, sausage and chicken. No such luck. His eyes literally rolled back inside his head. I had to force feed him the malaria pill – and I swear he acted as if I was some stranger poisoning him.

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Tomorrow is our last safari in the morning, then we head back to Johannesburg. So sad that we are leaving, but feeling so blessed to have had this opportunity to see the majesty of the world in this way.