Quote of the Week

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them“.

Dalai Lama

I was sitting in my office listening to the constant fighting that was going on outside my office door and feeling ready to scream (OK I admit, I had already screamed, but they were still going at each other).

I looked up and saw a little sticky note on my wall with this quote on it. I had seen the quote months and months and months ago, and never used it.

Today is the day.

I think the “don’t hurt them” part is especially relevant today.

Future Pilot

I love to travel – it is no secret.

I mean I LOVE to travel.

In fact, when I met Rob, I told him up front that I have some big traveling plans for my family. I had a couple of dream trips that I wanted to take my kids on before they grew up and spread their wings (stay tuned for trip #1 in March 2013)! However, to travel this way would require a bit of a commitment and sacrifice of other things. If we now had 5 kids to take on these trips, it would mean an awful lot of commitment and giving up of some other things that he might otherwise want to spend on. He was keen, and so we got married. Ok, we married for other things too (like him taking the garbage out).

Anyhow, our first family flight happened to be the first flight Gabe, Zandra and Sam were ever on. Have to admit, I was a bit worried about Gabe.

He was nervous beyond nervous. His anxiety level was through the roof – pretty much for the whole trip:) I felt bad for him because I knew he was stuck in the wrong family with me as a Stepmom if he didn’t like to travel.

Since then we have taken many flights, and although I still see he is occasionally anxious about the travel (this past summer his face was priceless when we told him we were going on a cruise… He needs time to adapt to the idea of a certain trip, so a “surprise” trip wasn’t ideal for him), he is coming around nicely.

In fact, he wants to be a pilot.

Of course, although loving airplanes, cars and any kind of vehicle (just like his Dad) certainly plays a role, I can’t help but wonder if his interest has something to do with his exposure to travel too (maybe?!?!).

But I am thrilled that he has thus passion. Every kid should have a dream related to a passion.

I’m not so thrilled about how this passion has shown up in tons and tons and tons of plane models that are cluttering up his room though:((((

He is always searching the net for anything airplane. He tracks flights. He has already identified all the planes and tiny details about the multiple flights we are taking in March. He plays games where you simulate landing. He flies little planes around the house (and makes announcements like he’s the pilot) . He knows all about the airlines and where they fly. He knows about cities that I didn’t even know existed – and he knows who flies there and how often. He asks me questions like “how many people do you think this plans holds?” and then laughs at my terrible guesses.

It is awesome.

I hope that he continues on with this dream, as I could really do with having one of our kids being a pilot.

Won’t it be so cool to get on a plane and have HIM be the pilot making all the announcements??

Won’t it be cool to have some free passes too (hint hint) to support my travel addiction in my old age?

Right now, I just think it’s pretty cool that he has become so knowledgeable about planes and has developed a real passion. What a smart kid.

This, though, is not so cool. (Although, have to admit he’s cleaned it up pretty nicely!):

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Growing Babies

My babies are grown up.

Sort of.

This week the Grade 6ers were off on a school trip to “Island School” for 2 nights and 3 days (held on Toronto Island).

This is a much anticipated trip. You only get to go once in your elementary school career. And it is supposed to be super fun. Both Zach and Zandra are in Grade 6 and were excited that both their classes were going to be going together. Well, I was excited about that. They were excited to go with their friends. But I like that they are there together too:)

So the night before, we went through the checklist and got everything all packed up.

The next morning they both were buzzing with excitement. I anticipated that they might be a touch nervous (and Zach had done some crazy sleep talking the night before which usually means he’s a bit stressed). They might need some extra hugs, pep talks, a little words of comfort and wisdom?

Well, I was down in my office getting myself ready for the day, when I heard Zach yell down to me that they were leaving for school. What?! I’m not ready!! I raced upstairs, as I have to walk the little guys to school anyhow, so they could wait for me, no??

No. They gave me big hugs (at least) and grabbed their bags and were off. Without looking back. And without me getting a picture of them with all their stuff. Argh.

I quickly moved the little guys along so we could get to school and hunted down these two waaaayyyyy tooooo independent older kids. I demanded pictures.

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Worked better for Zandra than for Zach (Zach was embarrassed; Zandra just poses!)

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Not quite what I wanted, but I still got some.

Then they were off.

Not in the least bit nervous. Just totally excited. And happy.

So, as I wiped a little tear from my eye, feeling that I am no longer needed, I did take a little joy in the fact that these two are filled with confidence and excitement for life.

They are growing and slowly asserting their independence. What more could I ask for? They are secure, happy and confident.

And that’s the whole point, right?

Right.

I just need to get used to my babies growing up:(

Proof

The other day, I posted about how I love that my husband (and Zach:) stop to appreciate the beauty in everything, which helps ME to remember to pay attention to beauty.

Today I came home and there was a leaf sitting on our entry table. Rob very proudly said “Did you see the leaf I found”?

Now THAT is proof of how he really does see beauty all the time! THAT is one of the many reasons I love this guy.

Beauty

When the boys are at their Dad’s house for the night, it has been the tradition since the early years, to call to say good night. When they are with me, they usually call their Dad to say good night too, and give a little summary of their day.

I know it’s a very heated debate in divorce world, with many saying that on “their time” there is no need to comnect with the other parent, and based on what I wrote about here, you’ll remember that I don’t support the “My time vs Your time”. So, in our house, we have always encouraged the daily phone calls.

Of course, sometimes, it is just not feasible. Sometimes, life gets in the way and someone falls asleep, or they are out really late, and the phone call gets missed.

This past week, Zach sent me a text to say good night and that he wouldn’t be able to call because it was so late.

He also attached this picture:

A little blurry – but it’s the sunset that he saw on the drive to his Dad’s house that night, and he captured it on his phone – and then sent it to me.

I was so touched by this for multiple reasons:

1) He is listening to what we talk about in FHE!!! We just had a lesson on being mindful and enjoying moments, living in the present and sharing the beauty we see. I loved that he shared this with me!

2) I love that he notices beauty in nature. He is just like Rob in that regard. I can be walking a long and not notice anything – but both Zach and Rob will stop mid sentence to point out a beautiful tree, or sky, or building. I so love that about them both.

3) It reminded me that I need to stop and enjoy things. So, when walking downtown the other night with Rob for a date night, he stopped to capture a picture of the city. I did the same:)) It helps to be reminded to “Be in the present”.

I’m so grateful for these two and their ability to see beauty, and pass it along. It really does make my life more beautiful:)

Study Skills 106

Sometimes it’s the simplest thing that can make all the difference.

But the simplest thing may not be so obvious.

The other day Gabe was studying for a French test. It was a pretty easy test on verbs, and he had memorized some of the irregular verbs by memorizing an acronym. Very good strategy.

But, when I made a little test for him, he got half of them wrong.

When I asked him to write out the acronym for me, and also write out the other things he had studied, he knew them!

Why then had he got half of them wrong?

He got nervous? Test anxiety? Got overwhelmed as he read the questions? Felt rushed? Got confused? Whatever the reason for him getting them wrong, it was totally preventable!

My advice: as soon as you sit down in a test, write down all the acronyms you memorized and all the little tricks, or formulas. Unload your brain! That way, your brain doesn’t need to keep holding on to all the info you have studied. It can be written right beside you and then you can focus on the test and relax. You have a little “cheat sheet” (that’s not cheating!) right beside you to refer to throughout the test.

Gabe noted that all the questions he got wrong, he would have had right had he just written the acronym down and referred to it!

A simple idea that can have big results.

Mindfulness Spa

We had to do Family Home Evening this week on Sunday afternoon because we have a bit of a crazy week.

Today, we talked about “Mindfulness”, something that I have been working on with  group I am running at work.

Basically, what I wanted to impress on the kids is how important it is to be present and mindful. Whether it be to enjoy the taste of a delicious dessert, marvel at the beauty of sunset (and as Phil says on Modern Family, “You should always watch the sunset at least once a day”!!), or feel the softness of a cuddly blanket. I want them to be looking for these small pleasures that bring more joy in life.

I also want them to be aware of picking up after themselves, being aware of the time and not keeping others waiting, observing someone needing help and jumping in to help. I explained how being mindful can help with absentmindedness and forgetfulness, which tend to be the cause of “not doing something” that they were “supposed to do”.

We did a fun activity where I had them experience different tastes, smells and textures with their eyes closed. I had them take their time to experience all these senses. I have to say, it was a huge hit.

The next part was also a super big hit. At the beginning of the year, we had made a family bucket list of things we wanted to do together as a family. One of them was to have a “Family Spa Day”.  So, we did it! It was really fun!

We started off with a body scan (meditation/awareness/breathing activity). And in case you are  wondering, kids should probably be over 10 for this:)) Regardless, we got through it and then had some spa treatments.

Each of them got to have a foot soak and moisturizing foot massage, a facial and then a back massage.

We got some funny pictures. And even funnier video – but I’m not gonna share that here!!

It was a great day! It was a fun way to teach them how to be a bit more present minded, and a great way to relax!

Quote of the Week

“First observe, then serve”

Linda K. Burton

I loved this cute little saying when I heard it at conference last week.

And it tied right into a group that I have running for work, as well as the Family Home Evening we had this week.

Sometimes in our daily rush of life, we start to run on automatic. Or we get distracted and become absentminded. Or get so engrossed in our own life that we fail to think of others and fail to look for opportunities to serve.

We need to press pause and look around us, take it all in, and look for needs that need to be filled.

Whether it be taking note of someone who needs a smile because it looks like they are having a bad day. Or offering to help someone to make something get done a little faster. Or doing something without being asked a million times. Or just going out of your way to send a quick email, text, or quick visit to someone who may need to be uplifted.

We can’t do any of those things unless we are observing – and seeing where the needs lie. To observe, we need to be in the present (which is what we talked about in family home evening this week – more on that later) and take the time to look past ourselves.

Then we need to put in a little effort – and serve. It’s amazing how good we can make someone else feel – and actually, how good we usually feel after giving this service too.

Quote of the Week

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work”.
Thomas Edison

I shared with my kids a big “secret” the other night during family night:

“Learning is WORK”.

Somehow along the way, it appears my kids got the impression that if something was hard, or challenging, or took a long time to do,  or required constant review, repetition, clarification, or discipline that it was “too hard” and that it must not be possible. Clearly, something must be wrong.

So, I had to bring them back to reality.

If you find something hard, or challenging, or it takes a long time, you likely need to put in some work. Besides, it’s probably good for you!

You can’t just read something once, and expect to always understand. Or review it one time and expect to have it memorized. Or hear your teacher talk and never have to think about it again and it will magically jump in your head when you need it.

Even if you believe in the power of prayer to help you out, you can’t get away without: WORK.

You have to WORK at things.

And work, for them right now, is “studying”.

And work applies to many things: we have to work at school, work at our relationships, work at our careers, work at our hobbies, work at increasing our faith and testimonies, work at maintaining our house, work, work, work.

When you work, you will be prepared to encounter the opportunities as they present themselves. The more you work, the more opportunities you will have. Sadly though, the less you work, the more you close doors on opportunities.

Of course, I do realize that sometimes all the work in the world will not produce the results you want. And I know that sometimes kids will work super hard at school, and still have challenges. But, the point is, you deal with those challenges, after the work has been put in. There is no excuse for not putting in the work upfront.

Cross Country

Every year the kids participate in the city wide Cross Country race with their school (this was the first of three rounds; you have to qualify to continue on to the next race).

Unfortunately there is a “Work to Rule” by the teachers at the school, so the kids didn’t get all the practice that they needed, but they still competed and they all did amazing!!!!

Here are some snaps of the race:

Sam raced first. Unfortunately I didn’t quite make it as I was trying to find parking:((

Then came Josh:

Next was Zandra

Finally, Zach:

I have attended this event since Zach first did it in grade 1. I always take a picture of me hugging them after teh race (except I missed Sam this year). I can’t believe that this was the last year for Zach and Zandra:((

So proud of them all!