Much to be Grateful For….

This Thanksgiving was our 5 year Family Anniversary!

It was 5 years ago that our lives started to merge, as I discussed back here.

We, as usual, were childless for the first part of the weekend, and then got everyone back on the Monday (some just in time for dinner) to have our yummy turkey dinner.

We decided to spend the first part of the weekend heading out of the city to see the changing colours on the trees and enjoy some of nature.

We went to a little resort on a beautiful lake:

Our plan was to go to relax, read, get a nice massage at the spa, and walk around the beautiful area.

But, things changed pretty quickly.

First, a little background:

On Thursday night (the night before we left for up north), Zach mentioned he had a weird cramp/pain in his upper right side area. Thinking he pulled a muscle, I gave him tylenol.

That night he woke me up saying he was in a lot of pain, so I gave him more tylenol and told him to sleep on the other side. In the morning, although it still hurt, he went to school and I wrote him a note excusing him from gym class and told him to rest. I sent his Dad a quick text to let him know that Zach had pulled something, when he had the last pain med and to make sure he had some meds too at his home (since the boys were with him until Monday morning). Then we headed off for our weekend getaway!

On Friday night Zach texted and called and said his side really really hurt. By Saturday morning, after talking to his Dad about the rough, sleepless and painful night, we decided he should take him  to the clinic. They would keep me updated. I told Zach I was reachable except for 1 hour, when I was to get a massage. He kept me posted on the long wait at the clinic. See, texting can be such an awesome thing.

Just as I was shaking hands with the massage therapist, I got a text from Zach: “They are sending me to the hospital. Call Dad”.

To say my heart and stomach sank is an understatement. I literally ran out of the room and found Rob. I knew that when a clinic tells you to go to the children’s hospital, they mean business.

What I learned later on, was the doctor had said to Zach (and his Dad), “It could be a silent pneumonia or a whole bunch of other things that I really don’t want to talk about”. Zach said this really freaked him out and he quickly thought “I have to text Mom now because she’s not going to be available in a minute”!

It was a long drive home, but we got to listen to some conference talks on our way, which was a good distraction.

We arrived two hours later at the Children’s Hospital, and found them. They had done X-rays, and were going to do blood work. They had found a mass and were working to rule out all the “nasties” as the doctor called them.

More waiting. We sat in the lobby. So glad that my husband and ex husband get along so well, because this is not the time for divorce drama. Luckily my ex’s parents in law were in town too so they were able to take care of Josh the whole day. Funny how it all works, right? We all sat and talked and waited. And said lots of silent prayers.

Zach and I made a wish at the fountain in the lobby and the wish machine.

Finally, we saw the Doctor. Blood work normal. Chest Xray normal. No firm diagnosis and not sure what it is and why it is so painful, so still need more tests, but the “big nasties” were ruled out. So glad Rob was there because my mind was blank while the doctor talked. I knew I should ask questions, but couldn’t. Rob asked all the right questions (unfortunately he knew what to ask based on his own experience with his brother’s cancer) that he kept repeating the “good answers” over and over to me later on that night to reassure me that my greatest fear could be put to rest.

We were sent home, with instructions for pain, and follow up for more tests next week.

It was so hard though to walk away and kiss my little guy bye as he was going back to his Dad’s.

These are the big bad divorce moments that break my heart. All I wanted to do was snuggle with him, reassure him (because he was obviously nervous), and check in with him hourly to see how the pain was and if it was getting worse (we had to return to ER if it did).

Instead, I kissed him and he went back to his Dad’s. Rob thought it wasn’t such a bad thing as my babying him would probably make him nervous – and we both needed some distractions!

I distracted myself later on with a  sushi dinner, and playing doctor on the internet….. Of course, I jumped to my phone with every text, and ring. Rob, my solid rock, kept reassuring me and it made me feel so much better. Things will be fine. A few prayers also helped reassure me and I’m sure gave Zach the relief from the pain that he needed. On Sunday morning, he reported having been able to sleep through the night.

On Sunday, we hung out, after heading to the beach boardwalk for a little picnic breakfast. Then we came home and surrounded by cozy blankets and yummy snacks, we were spiritually nourished by conference.

Monday was a cook the turkey day, and then by night, we gathered everyone around for dinner (including Andrea and her kids, who we celebrate with every year as well as our friend Pat) to celebrate Thanksgiving. I was feeling especially grateful this year, especially for our health and our family.

We are truly blessed and fortunate to have our faith, our health, each other,  a wonderful home, a free country, our steady jobs, and all the little and big blessings in our lives.

Happy Thanksgiving (a couple days late:)

Study Skills 105: Rule of 3’s Continued

Three three three.

That is what we talked about a couple of weeks ago and I discussed here.

We went to Curriculum Night the other night (Meet the Teacher). Josh (who is in grade 4) has a pretty strict teacher (which I like, because his teachers the past two years have not been great). She said the biggest problem she sees so far in the whole class is that no one knows how to “study”.

I told her I was not surprised. No teachers have taught my kids how to study!

But, I’m not one to think that the teachers need to be teaching everything. There’s just too much to teach, and too many kids to teach. So, I think it’s my job as a parent to ensure my kids have the skills they need for their future.

So, that is why we are learning study skills in our home.

As I said, we talked about three’s here: reviewing things three times before bed and then heading off to sleep.

The other three that we have been talking about at home is “Three nights to study”.

Somehow my kids think that their brains are capable of absorbing lots of info in a short period of time. One night, one hour, and one review is enough.

But it’s not. Our brain is only capable of absorbing small chunks of info at a time. Sort of how the body absorbs water. We are better off sipping lots of water during the day to stay hydrated than by chugging gallons at a time and then running to the bathroom because our body can’t absorb it all.

We need to study small chunks, then let our brain absorb, then study some more. If we divide our work over 3 days (minimum), we are more likely to retain the info.

  • Review things three times. Review things a minimum of three nights!

Dear Bitter BIrth Mother

While I usually try to stay quite positive on my blog, as this is a history for my children, I also want this blog to be about our journey and struggles with being a blended family, and the things I have learned through being a StepMom, and living with our unique situation.

This weekend it is Thanksgiving here. While Rob’s 40 page divorce separation agreement painfully outlines every tiny little thing that we are supposed to adhere to, somehow along the way Thanksgiving was missed. And as it turns out, we never get it.

I really don’t think that Thanksgiving missing in the agreement should be a big deal. With my ex, it’s not included in our agreement either. Given it falls on a Sunday/Monday, we just ensure one of us has the meal on the Sunday, and one on the Monday. A whole lot of turkey, but we want the kids to have the chance to celebrate with both families.  Not complicated. Civil, respectful, and thinking about the kids.

But alas, life with Rob’s ex IS complicated. (And you know how I feel about complicated).

Rob sent a text asking to get the kids a couple of extra HOURS earlier. The malicious (and I try to set aside my judgment usually as I know there are two sides to every story – but this time, I’m sorry, it is malicious) response was if he wanted part of “her rightful holiday” then he had to give up part of his “rightful holiday” too and give up hours on Christmas.

Of course, Christmas is well spelled out in the agreement, and it is not “our year”, so we barely have any time with them at all anyway, so giving up a couple of hours is akin to giving up Christmas. Obviously, we had to say “No” as we want to see the kids at Christmas for a few hours to celebrate as a family.

Rob also pointed out that it was not about her and “her rightful holiday” (you can see where her head is at by her choice of using the words “her rightful”), it was about the kids and “their rightful holiday”. You know, the right that kids have to love and be with their two families? They didn’t ask to live in a divorced situation, but they deserve the right to love and celebrate their life and all the special occasions with both their families.

Her response to Rob not taking the offer? “Good. That’s what I thought” (Ummm, so what you are saying is you knew it was an unfair “trade” or “offer”??).

She then went on to outline all the holidays that we do get this year. You know, things like PA days, a couple of long weekends, March break this year. Oh? The 50% of holidays that are spelled out in the agreement? And you get the other 50%?

Then the kicker sentence:

Is that not enough family time for you“?

Actually, my dear bitter birth mother, it’s not.

And it shouldn’t be for you either.

We will never be satisfied with spending 50% of the time with our kids.

It is reality, I do realize. And that, we can not change.

And you know what? I’m guessing that 50% is not enough for your children either.

I’m guessing that although they love the added gifts they get on holidays, and maybe even love the duplicate celebrations at times, they would actually LOVE to spend every holiday minute with BOTH parents.

How much does it suck for them to wake up without one parent on Christmas morning? How much does it suck for them to be away from one parent for weeks at a time? How much does it suck for them to call one parent to say good night?

But it is their reality. Do we really have to add to their stress by denying them the chance to be with their other parent and to feel like they have to choose sides and choose one family over another?

Dear Bitter Birth Mother, it has nothing to do with “your rightful holiday” or your days vs my days as I talked about here. It has nothing to do with your bitterness, your hostility and your revenge (on what, I’m still puzzled as you are living the exact life you chose).

It has everything to do with loving your children enough to want them to be happy and loved even when they are not with you and are on the “dark evil side” as you might see it. It has to do with hoping that they feel like they belong in two homes, and that the divorced life that you as parents thrust upon them, does not add stress and complications to their lives, but instead adds a change of perspective and a whole lot more people who love and adore them.

Hopefully, Dear Birth Mother, one day you can be at peace and not worry about what is “rightfully yours”, but worry about what is fair and best for your children.

Hopefully one Thanksgiving in the near future, the overriding emotion will be one of gratitude for the blessing of having these amazing children in your life, and the goal will be to make their lives a little bit less complicated and allow them to feel love and joy in both their homes.

Child Dates

Every second weekend we have the three kids on their own on the Friday night and Saturday, while the boys are with their Dad.

Rob decided to take Gabe and Sam to the Canadian Heritage War Plane Museum, while Zandra and I walked downtown and went to the Bata Shoe Museum and did some window shopping.

I’ll let the pictures tell the story of what a nice day it was for everyone!

The Girlie Day (the night before we had a “hair night” get together with some friends, and did sock curls for Zandra. Doesn’t her hair look cute??):

We’re doing a bit of furniture shopping and Zandra was showing how wiped she was after our day!

Everyday life

I was scrolling through Rob’s photos on his phone and came across these ones. They were taken in the Miami airport while we were waiting for our flight home from our cruise this summer.

Whenever we tell people we are a blended family, most always ask how everyone gets along.

And I’m not sure they believe our answers of “amazing”. Sure, they fight, tease and compete, but they adore each other and have so much fun together. They are siblings. I don’t think they really think of each other as “steps” – They just are siblings living within a unique family.

When I saw this picture, it seemed to capture for me their everyday lives and interactions. It’s not the biologically related hanging out. It’s not my kids together and your kids together. In these particular pictures it is the older and the younger, but it can be any combo. I just love how carefree they looked, hanging out in an airport, waiting for a flight home and wanted to preserve this memory forever.

Life is good. I love these guys more than they will ever know.

Recipe: Meatloaf

Meatloaf. Ugh. I dreaded it when I was younger.

Then I tried this recipe and I quickly changed my mind. Very moist and tasty. Enjoy!

Brown  Sugar Meatloaf


1 c. brown sugar
1 c. ketchup
3 tbsp Worcestershire
1 1/2 pounds lean ground beef or turkey (I use a mixture)
1/2 c. milk
3/4 c. finely crushed saltine cracker crumbs (I use a bit more)
2 eggs
1 1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. ground black pepper
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1 envelope onion soup mix
garlic for taste

Preheat oven to 350. Lightly grease a 9×5 inch loaf pan.

Mix ketchup, brown sugar and worcestershire in a bowl, then pour half into bottom of loaf pan. I actually double the sauce as I like mine saucy:)

Mix remaining ingredients well, and form into a loaf. Place into the loaf pan, pouring the remaining mixture on top.

Bake at 350 for at least 1 hour  15 minutes – until juices run clear.

Really yummy the next day with crusty bread for meatloaf sandwiches:)

The Gum Company

“Were you aware that your son was selling gum at school”?

“Yes”, I responded.

The Vice Principal at the other end of the phone was taken a back a little. “So, you did know”?

Uh Oh. I guess it’s a problem. Like all the other companies that had been shut down over the past 4 years: making the light sabres, making pins, John and Jo comics, accessories for stuffies, snowbucks and the Mini’s club.

Zach is an entrepreneur. I am sure about that.

Every year, he has come up with little companies to start, and slowly they get shut down.

Sometimes they are closed due to teacher involvement, and sometimes there is a natural decline in business forcing the business to close.

This year was no different. Zach and his friend decided to purchase multiple packs of different gums, and then sell them a piece at a time (at a small profit). Seven dollars in 2 days! And that was just his class. They hadn’t even marketed the other grade 6 class (he informed me).

Sadly though, he came face to face with the Vice Principal who shut the business down, saying selling things was not permitted on school property (although Zach informed me that the vice principal couldn’t show him where in the school handbook it says it is not permitted. I can imagine the Vice Principal’s face when he asked to see that!).

Although I understand the Vice Principal’s perspective, I can’t say that I agree with it.

I think sometimes we are all a little paranoid about things.

My son is NOT just like a drug dealer.

I think it’s more like having a lemonade stand (his partner’s Mom came up with that great analogy:)

Are we going to start outlawing that too though?

How can we be sure that these kids are allowed to have lemonade? What if they are allergic to lemons? What if they stole the $0.25 they used to buy the lemonade? What if one kid gets more lemonade than the other? What if one kid doesn’t like the lemonade – will there be a refund? Is it fair for them to have a lemonade stand and not someone else?

Maybe you get my point?

Are we trying to protect, equalize, sensitize, sanitize a little too much??

Why are we not fostering a bit more creativity, encouraging kids to think outside the box, to do something a little different?

Why couldn’t this Vice Principal have called me saying what an amazing idea Zach and his friend had – they were real entrepreneurs! “Unfortunately it goes against school policy (maybe??), but perhaps they would be interested in doing it for some fundraising or charitable cause”? I’m sure the boys would have been flattered, and then encouraged, and maybe even learned something about fundraising and growing a business.

Instead, we have a whole lot of gum over here.

Luckily, I don’t think we have any broken spirits.

We may have a gum stand in our front yard soon enough though:))

Despite the school policies squashing dreams and businesses, I want my little entrepreneurs to know I think they are brilliant!! I love what they make and sell, their newspapers, their clubs, their creative little minds. I am so proud that they are always thinking outside of the box, always trying to build on their dreams, always trying to find a niche in the market. I hope they never lose that quest to try things out, dare to be different, and be determined to make some coin!

Love you guys and couldn’t be more proud:)))

One More Night

My Mom often sends me links to articles she has read that concern parenting or mothering, from various magazines or newspapers.

This week she sent me this one and it really moved me.

The article was based on a comment made by one of the presidential candidates recently. The candidate said that there wasn’t a single parent of grown children who wouldn’t like to go back and have one evening again with them. This author then went on to describe what kind of an evening she would have with her kids if she could go back….

What struck me about the article was how the things she would choose to do are all the little, mundane, routine things that we do so often, and often rush through them quickly. She didn’t didn’t wish for one more zoo trip, one more outing to the movies, one more amusement park, or one more shopping excursion. She didn’t even wish for one more vacation with them (although I know I will always crave vacationing with my kids:). She wished for one more night to sit with them at dinner, and share their day, and leave them words of wisdom and hear their funny stories. She wished to be able to encourage them to get back to studying, to share the end of night family routine, and then to snuggle with each in bed to have some individual time together.

It got me thinking because of course, even though I no longer have any more nights where I feel the hot breath of a babe on my neck, or  rock a little one to sleep, my kids are still relatively little. I still have the family dinners that are loud and boisterous and filled with laughter and sharing of days. I still am pushing for homework to get done and writing little pre-tests for those with tests, or signing agenda books and helping them study. We still are gathered around the same TV to watch our favorite show (Amazing Race and Gilmore Girls right now), or enjoying tons of junk for a family movie night, and then lying in our bed to read as a family (The Breadwinner right now). We still struggle with getting to family scripture time, and starting and ending the day in family prayer, and consistently sitting through  FHE without too many wiggles. We still enjoy lazy afternoons doing art, playing sports, or making surprise dinners. At night, I can still spend the alone time with each one, talking about our day, singing silly songs, or discussing dreams or problems. I still get hugs, kisses and hair tickles everyday. I still have my babes with me.

These days, I know, are slowly disappearing into faded memories; just like the days I remember of my babies when I was sleep deprived and covered with spit up. The time slips by….

But I do have one more night with them at this stage now, and I am so grateful for my Mom for sending me this article to remind me of how precious the time is right now. I want to be really present for these nights, and stop and remember when I am feeling tired, frustrated, rushed or overwhelmed, at the blessing I have to have “one more night”.

One more night that will create one more memory in both my heart and the hearts of my precious children.

Taco Mac n Cheese

Ok – maybe not the healthiest, but certainly a favorite around here.

Brown ground beef (1 or 2 packs depending on how many people you are feeding) and mix in taco seasoning.

Spread the meat in large 9×13 pan.

Make some homemade mac n cheese: I use homo milk (2 cups??) and whisk in a couple of tablespoons flour quickly while heating the milk. When a little thick, add in some cheese (I like using medium/old cheddar as well as parmesan) to make it cheesy and smooth. Add lots of pepper. Make macaroni noodles and when al dente, drain and pour cheese sauce over them, mixing well.

Layer the noodles on top of the taco meat.

Shred some more cheese and sprinkle on top.

Crumble up some tortilla chips and sprinkle on top of cheese.

Bake until bubbly and cheese is well melted and tortillas chips are slightly brown.

Serve with sour cream.

Enjoy!

(will try to post a picture – but it gets eaten so quickly:)