Quote of the Week

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“Fear can be overcome by preparation and faith”.

I want my kids to be able to think.

I mean really think.

I mean  – critically think.

I mean to question things.

Question motives, question rationale, use logic, and reasoning.

Seek truth and knowlege.

Because in order for them to make good choices, they need to be able to think properly.

But they need to learn how to think. If they don’t learn, they won’t be prepared to use their thinking skills and they might just follow blindly along.

That, I don’t want.

I’m ok with them making their own choices. Of course, they may make some choices I don’t agree with. But, even if I don’t agree with their choices, I want them to be able to defend their choices, provide their logic, their rationale and their reasoning. Then, they can be prepared to fight the fight, explain their reasoning, come up with the right choice for them, and not get led blindly along by others.

To be prepared requires work to be done. I love the quote “opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work“. We do need to do the work, put everything into it that we can. Learn, grow, THINK, and make decisions.

Then, and only then, does the principle of faith spring into action.

“Pray as if it were up to God. Work as if it were up to you”.

The two need to go hand in hand. After you prepare yourself and do the required work, then you can sit back and trust that things will work out the way they should. Have faith that you are standing in the exact spot you are meant to be in. Have faith that you are not forgotten, that you are loved, and that you are here for a purpose.

When you are prepared and armed with truth and knowledge, and you possess the skills to think critically and act with integrity, if you couple those skills with faith in yourself and your Maker, you have nothing to fear.

You can look fear in the eye and say “Get out of my way. I’ve got things to do”.

Lessons from Zandra

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The same client I talked about here, was also telling me how she is struggling with “finding herself”. She doesn’t know who she is.

My feeling is we all struggle with this throughout our lives! Our goal in life is to uncover who we are and to reach the potential that is within us all. We need to be doing the work though! We can’t discover things if we aren’t putting ourselves out there.

Little Miss Zandra said to me the other day: “Isn’t it cool that 1 year ago I had never even heard of hair tutorials, and now I watch them all the time and love them, and doing hair has become a real talent”?

Yes, my dear, it is cool. So cool for you to have discovered a talent and made the connection that you went from nothing to something by effort and interest. So important to see that you can discover new things about yourself all the time!

Zandra took something she virtually knew nothing about and turned it around and it has become a strength, a passion, a great talent.

But – she had to try it! She could have hated it of course. But she tried it, persevered through the learning of skills, and found she enjoyed it. It wasn’t innate, it wasn’t something she was handed, it’s something she tried – and ended up loving.

So, when trying to “find” yourself, you need to throw yourself into all sorts of things – that’s the only way you can discover new things about yourself. Who knows? Maybe these new things will become your biggest passion or strength!

I’m so glad I “tried step motherhood” and got this amazing little girl who helps me discover everyday who I am, and even helps me teach others!

Keep Going!

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Being in a helping profession, my job is to “help” people. Yet through the years I have come to see how in so many ways, it is me who walks away feeling helped, or uplifted, or grateful. Sometimes I will be saying something to a client that I really needed to hear, or I’ll get clarity on something that I was struggling with, or my perspective or paradigm gets shifted through our discussions, or I’ll get confirmation that what I’m doing is what I need to be doing.

This happened this week with one of my favorite clients.

She was sharing with me how she is trying so hard to do everything that she should be doing, but she is just not happy.

It brought me back to a conversation I had with a counsellor I went to during my divorce (and believe it or not, she is now my neighbor living a few houses down from us – what a shocker when we moved in!! Hello lady who knows my deepest, darkest secrets! I’m your new neighbor)! Anyhow….

I was telling this counsellor how I was doing “great”. I was focusing on my boys, my career was good, my finances were in order, I was spending lots of time with girlfriends, was exercising, developing hobbies, going to church etc. etc.

But, after the boys were in bed, my work was done, the tv off, the phone calls ended, I would turn the lights off and cry myself to sleep. I would cry in the shower, I would cry in the pillow, I would cry behind closed doors.

But I’d get up everyday and put a smile on and go through my day. I felt like the biggest fraud and fake. I was not fine. I was dying inside and was so filled with sadness, anger and grief.

So, you know what this counsellor told me?

Keep going.

Keep doing exactly what I was doing.

Essentially, to act as I wanted to feel.

One day, she told me, it won’t feel fake. One day it will be real. It will be the real life I created for myself.

And you know what?

It did happen that way.

One day, I wasn’t faking it anymore. Things were good. I was ok.

As my client shared her sadness with me, it brought me back to that time. I know I can’t take away her pain, but my experience helps me I think be a better therapist, and certainly have more empathy. I left my client’s home with gratitude for the love and support I had received during my difficult time, and then was able share with her the wisdom that was passed on to me those years ago.

I was able to tell her “Have hope! Hang on”! Unfortunately, when you are on that unfamiliar path, in the darkest tunnel, the only way out is to keep walking through the darkness. One day however, you will see the light. It is there.

This about sums it up:

5 years ago today….

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My summer of “dating” was drawing to a close.

I had committed to putting myself out there for the summer and if no one was to be found, I would completely immerse myself into single life again and not waste another second on men. Besides, I had two little amazing men to occupy my time already!

But, I had spoken to this guy right on the last day of my deadline: August 31st, 2007. He seemed really nice, (made me laugh at least) and so we had set a date for Saturday, September 8th to meet for breakfast. I figured I could stretch my deadline for one week; after all, we had connected during the official summer.

On that Saturday five years ago, I woke up, went for a run, then a bike ride ( a standard Saturday routine I had started since the boys were with their Dad every Saturday; I think it was the most fit I’ve been!) and then went to “Bonjour Brioche” to meet this guy.

I arrived, fashionably 10 minutes late, and found him there…. He had been there for over an hour (telling me he had gotten the time wrong, but now that I know him I know he is always crazy early for things:))

I ordered a full breakfast, and to my horror, he had a little brioche! That’s it! We chatted away, time past quickly and I left with my cheeks hurting from laughing so much. He was super cute and super sweet. Maybe a little too nice though?!?

A text from him later confirmed we would meet again….

A dinner in the Distillery District, a bike ride followed by a sushi dinner, and a tennis game followed by Indian food, made our 3 amazing next dates. By October 9th at 7:29 am, I emailed one of my best girlfriends:

“Ok – don’t want to jinx it – but THIS is THE guy…. I am going to marry this man….”.

Perfect timing because that night he told me he had fallen in love with me (and I had with him too of course)….

And the rest is history!

Happy 5 Year Anniversary of our first date!!!

Here we are 5 years later (cheesy little photos that we got done on the cruise:)

Love you Robbie!!!

“It seems like there was no start or “before” but just the realization of a continuum that was there without our knowing”.

Monthly snaps of life (just to catch up!)

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Summer is drawing to a close and I thought I’d clean up my phone and post some of the random pics of the past month to remind me of all the little details that happened, but didn’t really get much attention:

Gorgeous clouds right outside our door

A new little restaurant (if you can call  it that??) we discovered….the best fish and shrimp sandwiches….

Watching the sunset at the park

View of the city

Zach and Josh went to soccer camp for two weeks

They each won some competitions and got invited to join the academy:)

After camp one day walking along the Danforth – thought it was cute that they were matching like old times:)) (It was the soccer uniform for camp they had to wear one day)
 
I love to watch the boys play soccer  –  but I think my favorite is watching Josh warm up with his team mates all in a line!

This is the best!! They are supposed to be jumping all together!! I think they are a little off sync!

Number 5

TFC player came to Josh’s game and signed his ball. He also told Josh he was watching him and he is a good little player!

Rob and I went to Ottawa for the weekend for my cousin’s wedding. Of course, Ottawa being so close to Montreal MUST have good poutine!

We found the poutine here. It was so good!!

Driving around a bit in Ottawa – we went to the house that Rob grew up in!

Gorgeous outdoor wedding we went to for my cousin. Sadly, this is my only pic.
 
Zandra at hard work with my hair!

Zandra’s getting fancier and fancier!

Out for Dim Sum with the kids in China Town

Rob teaching everyone how to really use chopsticks!

We went on the boat to watch the air show. A couple of the kids braved the Lake Ontario water!

These guys were the heros and went in a few times!

I think he only went in because he had to pee!

Brave Sam even went under!

First Day of School notes:)

Study Skills 103

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Planning sets you free!!

“Plan? No way. I don’t want to be uptight. I don’t want to be restrained. I don’t want to lose my spontaneity. I don’t want to be some tense person who never gets to have fun. I want to be free. I want to be me.

Great. Then plan”.

Planning is the way to freedom”. (Becoming a Master Student)

This is what we talked about in FHE this week for our study skill. I took it from my trusty study skills book.

There is a perception about planning and planners and I’ve talked about it before. Pretty much like the quote above. I hear these comments from most of my clients frequently. There is a huge fear of losing spontaneity, of becoming too controlled. People think that planning = restrictions= loss of freedom. But, it actually gives you more freedom.

Why? We reviewed these points:

1. You can change the plan!
 We change our plans often and still preserve the advantages of planning. Advantages include choosing our direction and taking control of our lives!

2. You choose how to achieve the plan.
Without a plan, you let others make choices for you! We can become a victim of our circumstance and situations. Planning increases freedom as it can create more choices.

3. When there’s a plan, there’s a chance
Planning makes it more likely for us to achieve our goals. We are aiming in a certain direction. “When you fail to plan, you plan to fail”.

4. Planning frees you from constant decisions
You can think ahead of time of what is important to you and make some decisions ahead of time. Then, you don’t have to keep deciding, which often causes you to flip flop. We don’t have to spend all our time planning, or changing our mind. We can just DO. Take action.

5. Planning makes adjustments easier
When you plan, it’s easier to handle unexpected changes. You already have priorities established, you know what can be moved over in case you need to make room for something new.

6. Planning makes us more accountable.
We are more likely to do something if we have planned for it! Especially if we have written it down. We can also see our accomplishments better too if we plan because we achieve so many goals.

7. Planning is about creating your life; designing your future; making things happen. NOT about letting things happen to you, falling into situations, relying on luck or becoming a victim to others and circumstances. Planning allows us to be self directed an be in the drivers seat of our own lives.

Back to School

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Yesterday was back to school! The summer passed very quickly, but we had an amazing summer and are ready to get back to the drill!

Rob and I got up early so we would have time to take some traditional pictures.  He also made some yummy pancakes for us all:)

Gabe was ready to start high school. Yup. HIGH SCHOOL!!! Grade 9.  He only had two hours though, so he went and got his timetable and then got to come home early.

Zandra started grade 6 (last year in this school) with Ms. Atkins. We did the little french braid the night before – she looked super cute:)

Zach also started grade 6 with M. Selberg. Same teacher as last year – which is great since we both liked him a lot!

Josh is now in grade 4 – officially a junior at this school! He has Mme. Spurway.

 

Of course tradition is, he adds one goofy picture.

And little ol’ Sam ain’t so little anymore, starting grade 2 with Mr. Katsuras.

Of course, we had to take our yearly picture on the steps (which I gave a history of here). I can’t believe the changes in ONE year even!!!

We may all look really smiley on this picture above, but it’s quite a chore to get organized (Gabe’s tri-pod saved the day though:)) This is the behind the scenes…aka “our real life”:

We headed on down to school for our 3 minute commute:) Longer for Gabe this year, but Rob was driving him, so he came to drop the younger ones off with us.

The kids caught up with their friends:

So embarrassed I took this pic:))

They all had a great first day! They came home and had a million things to tell us. Over dinner time, we heard all the news, and Zach introduced us to a fun geography game that had us all searching for countries and competing with each other. we topped the day off with some blizzards from dairy queen to celebrate the success of the 1st day!

The right place for us

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My boys all wore ties to church this past week.

I wish I had thought to take a picture of them in their shirt and ties. They looked so grown up.

It’s not like I haven’t seen them like this before. Just a few weeks ago they dressed up a few times on the cruise.

But, it was different.

I didn’t tell them to wear the shirt and ties to church. I have always been “satisfied” with them wearing a sport shirt. They had bought their own ties (on the cruise actually), and reminded me on Saturday night they were planning on wearing them (so we could make sure their shirts were clean and ironed:).

Then they were up and dressed and ready to go on Sunday morning. Everyone had slept in a little. Gone are the days of waking up at 6am. They sat pretty quietly in the pew, looking like they were listening:) There were no toys, no books, no taking children out during the service. Both Rob and I could actually listen to the service – uninterrupted!

Zach asked me a bunch of questions about the sacrament as he will be 12 next year so moving on to passing it. The kids all listened in primary and all around enjoyed themselves during the activity and singing time. We had some good discussions about upcoming activities this year that are offered.

Driving home from church, listening to their chatter, hearing about what they talked about in class, it struck me hard how they are growing up. So much. So fast. I had a vision of what amazing people they are going to be – from the amazing people they are now.

Most people we know don’t go to church. Many people who we know think it’s strange, weird, old fashioned, or even “harmful”. Of course, some have no opinion at all. And that is all fine by me.

Because, this Sunday, I had an overwhelming sense that this is the right thing for our family. This is the way we are choosing to teach and act upon values taught. This is where we need to be every week as a family. These are the principles we want to live, despite the opposition to do otherwise. Our lives are so enriched by what we learn. We are so blessed everyday. This is right for us.

The kids are growing up, and I can see the blessings in their lives and the applications of lessons learned. I can see how these are choice children, reserved for this day and age, reserved for our own unique family. I can see how Rob and I are so meant to be together, to help guide this unique family.

So even though at times we feel frustrated, or feel like things go astray, or wonder how things will turn out, little confirmations and glimpses like I had this Sunday give me enough hope and confidence that we are on the right track and we just need to keep ploughing through.

They also remind me of what is important. Nothing I do in life comes close to my joy and responsibility of being a wife, a Mom and a Smom. I need to realign my compass weekly. Church, with my boys in their shirt and ties, my pretty girl in her dress, and my husband holding my hand, all sitting beside me, is the perfect place to do that.

Quote of the Week

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“To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men”. Abraham Lincoln

Sometimes I feel like our quotes of the week all sound very similar. I guess it could be that the quotes that jump out at me are usually related to things going on in our lives. So I guess it makes sense that similar quotes would always jump out at me then!

We have had many discussions about how “keeping silent” sometimes sends a stronger message. It is not a neutral position. It speaks volumes.

The push back we get from the kids sometimes is that they may not be able to change someone’s opinion or decision, so what’s the point of speaking up?

Well, sometimes just voicing your opinion won’t change things per se, but it may make the other person think twice. And it will certainly help you to feel good about doing the right thing. We should never be the one who is silently hurting others, or passively letting others fight our battles.

Study Skills 102

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School is fast approaching (starting this Tuesday – can’t believe it!) so we are springing into action around here and getting all our stuff ready.

We went school supply shopping and then sat down and organized everything. That, is certainly the first best study tip anyone can have: organization.

We made sure everyone had the tools for success: pencils, pens, erasers, rulers, compass, dividers, paper, staplers, etc. etc.

The little guys don’t need much, except for a little exercise book for them to practice their dictee and spelling in, and some really good pencils and markers.

Zach and Zandra are transitioning into needing more stuff. They both each have a big binder with compartments and dividers so they can have a section for each subject. Zach started this last year and it worked really well for him so Zandra is giving it a try this year too.

Gabe makes the transition to high school, so it’s a bit different. We got a binder per subject, then divided each binder into sections 3 sections: notes/handouts, test/test prep, and assignments. We talked about the importance of dating and labeling his notes with page numbers (every single page needs a date and a page number), adding in handouts right away with his notes (so he got a hole puncher too for that since often teachers don’t give them out with holes), adding in the study notes he makes for test prep (and then keeping the returned test with those notes), and then adding in any info for assignments.

Since organization is key, we talked this week about making “to do lists” for school.

I am a huge believer in lists. They help you remember things, they help you sort out your priorities, and they make you accountable. If it’s on a list, it is way more likely to get done. And, you become much more aware of time if you see how much you have left to do!

So, I suggested that everyday each child has a “list” of “school work to do” to follow. Not just “Yah Yah it’s in my bag, I”ll just do it” but an actual list that gets things crossed (or checked ) off. They can make their list and even put beside the task how much time they think they can complete the task in (this is helpful for the turtles in our family).

I also suggested that they make “study lists” prior to a test; listing all the things they need to do to prep for the test (e.g. re-read chapter 2, make study notes, test myself, ask parent to quiz me, review 3 times before bed).

With these lists, they will become more independent as they will be managing their own time, they will know when they can stop doing homework (when the list is done) and they will be more accountable to make sure that things do get done.

Hopefully they will all be off to a great start for another school year!!