oh me oh my.
We got a letter in the mail for Rob the other day from the government.
It was about the years during his previous marriage.
His ex wife had applied for some credits (that were quite trivial and insignificant really) and the government was sending Rob a letter to let him know what was being reviewed. He has to complete some paperwork, and then they will go through some process, or re-evaluation, and then come back with some answer….blah blah blah. It won’t change much really for Rob financially right now (just affects him later), but it’s a step back to the past – something he has well moved past.
I was actually stunned by the letter.
Even more stunned because his ex just remarried a couple of weeks ago to her common law boyfriend (who happened to be “a long time friend of the family” wink wink nudge nudge).
I can not fathom, so many years after the dissolvement of my first marriage, and then moving on to happiness with my current life, to want to reach back into the past to deal with some petty issue and cause more contention and discord, years and years later!
It really reminded me of a couple of quotes:
“Don’t look back, you are not going that way”.
“If you are depressed or angry, you are living in the past.
If you are worried or anxious, you are living in the future.
If you are at peace, you are living in the present”.
How grateful I am to be at peace. How grateful I am to be living in the present.
I am certainly guilty of worrying and being a little anxious about the future:)
But I am so so so grateful that I am not holding on to my past and hanging onto anger.
I am so grateful to have learned to forgive, let go, and move on. It is the most freeing and liberating thing there is. I can look at my ex husband and honestly, where hatred and vengeance once stood, there is nothing but amicability and general interest in his well being and certainly a huge vested interest in the well being of the two children, through no fault of their own, got stuck living in two homes (but super blessed to be living in two great and loving homes and to have their lives enriched by step parents and extended family).
Obviously going through a divorce was a serious hardship in my life, and it is a time that when I look back on it, is filled with black clouds and turbulent winds.
But, can I dare say, that that time was also one of the largest period of growth for me in my life, and I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to have lived through those dark times (eek. Can’t believe I just wrote that).
So coming from this place of peace and contentment with how our lives post divorce have turned out, and how super happy I am after meeting the most incredible man in the world to share my life with and join forces to raise the most amazing 5 children in the world, I could not believe how anger, bitterness, pettiness and vengefulness can take over someone’s heart for sooooo long!!!
I just hope she will get over it and move on. I hope she can move past the past and the associated anger, and into the peace of the present.
Until then, we will let these ongoing storms roll over us, shake our heads, and be happy we are in the place we are in.