Kind, True and "Necessary"?

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I passed on a nugget of wisdom to the kids that I learned.

A friend relayed how when he was younger, his parents taught him to only say things that were “Kind, True and Necessary” (KTN). If it’s missing one criteria, then they need to think twice about saying it. Especially if it is not nice – then they really need to check with a parent(s) before saying it….

I loved it! So, I told the kids they need to start doing this. KTN or don’t say it.

Much to our surprise, we were told we needed to start doing it too!

Rob and I tend to be pretty affectionate with each other – much to the kid’s dismay. We are also pretty expressive – again, much to the kid’s dismay. We actually do it sometimes to bug them:) “Gross” is what their usual reaction is. Rob does this little “tiger sound” (hard to describe – but the kids know EXACTLY what I’m talking about) to me that drives them absolutely crazy (so he does it more often and it has become a joke around here).

So, after explaining “KTN”, and after “lecturing” them on the need to think of these initials, Gabe retorted: “You guys – it may be kind, it may be true but it is TOTALLY UNNECESSARY for us to have to listen to you and your tiger sounds and all your “love” talk”.

Now, every time we HINT at affection or Rob makes his crazy tiger sound – they are all yelling “Not Necessary”. Yet, kind and true:)

Pretty cute.

It’s not going to stop us though.

Love you Robbie McHottie!

Let’s Talk Money

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In the book “Smart Couples Finish Rich” by David Bach (a good read by the way), he makes some very interesting points to think about before actually dealing with your finances.

First off, you need to have a plan.

We have all heard the saying “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail”. And so it is with financial planning too.

He highlights 3 fundamental truths of financial planning:

1. You can’t plan your finances if you don’t know where you’re starting from (so you need to get organized ; find your statements, figure out your debt, your assets, your income etc. and make a good file system).

2. You can’t plan your finances if you don’t know where you want to end up (so you have to talk to your partner about it – or at least talk to yourself about what you want).

3. In order to stay on track from your starting point to your destination, you have to monitor your progress (constantly re-aligning with your compass to make sure you are on track).

Before you dive into figuring your numbers out, you need to figure out “what is important to you” and your partner (essentially – start with number 2). Bach suggests that “smart financial planning is more than a matter of numbers. It involves values first and stuff second”.

He argues that couples (remember this is the “couples” version of his book) who spend 20 years focused on getting stuff rather than on values end up having a mid life crisis…which generally can lead to all sorts of unhappiness. He reasons that most mid life crises occur because people get to a certain age with all the “stuff” they have accumulated and suddenly it hits them that their stuff isn’t really making them happy. This almost never happens to people who’ve got their values straight. How often does someone get to mid life and look around and say “Well, I’ve lived my life in line with my values, but now I don’t think I like my values anymore, so I guess I’ll get divorced and start over”.

So, you need to plan your finances around your values.

This was a very interesting idea to me…leading your life according to your values is a common philosophy, but planning your finances according to your values? Hmmmm….

What you value dictates (or it should) how you spend your money. If you and your spouse have different values, then you may have some money conflicts. So, that is why you need to sit down and discuss your values together.

When you are spending according to your values, then you feel less guilty when you actually spend because it is in line with your core.

For example, if one of your main values is “security”, and you have no savings, but are spending all your money on clothing or cars, then it may not feel great to spend. If you value health, and you refuse to put out for a gym membership, then that is not in sync either. If you value family and spend all your time working 90 hours a week so you can afford the mortgage on that huge house, then things are out of balance. You start feeling miserable.

I always hear from people that we are so lucky that we vacation so often.

And yes, we do travel a lot and are very lucky.

But that is because it really fits in with what we value most. I guess that is why I don’t feel the least bit guilty about it.

I associate vacations with marriage and family. Marriage and family are top values to me. I also value fun and adventure. Travel fulfills that.

I also love to plan the travel. It is an every day enjoyment to me. I love researching our next place, finding the best deals, unique places to stay, things to do etc. So travel is an everyday enjoyment for me.

My job is also extremely emotionally draining, and “vacation” time helps me re-fuel. It’s good for me as a person, as a wife and as a mother. (Pretty good justifications… but it really is true)!

We are also fortunate to have good salaries. Of course, everyone always jumps all over that one: “Aha, you see. You can afford to travel”.

Well, yes and no.

Travel gets a huge portion of our “budget”. We live in a decent house – but nothing fancy. We really need to paint the house, finish off our kitchen, and could do with some new furniture in a few rooms. We have some electronics – but nothing fancy. Clothing – have to say it is decent too – but not over the top – and we really only shop for clothes on occasion or when we need. The gifts we exchange with each other are usually homemade – no surprise big, lavish gifts (except for this year’s anniversary!). We put a limit on what we spend for the kids on birthdays and Christmas and there are very few “extra” gifts during the year. I’m a pretty good grocery shopper and buy lots of sale stuff. We don’t have a cottage, entertain that much, go out for “fancy dinners”, drink alcohol, or have our kids in tons of extra curricular activities. Maybe our savings aren’t as high as others either.

These are all choices we make to allow us to spend more on travel! We chose to invest in building memories through travel than to invest in stuff. And we are both on the same page with this.

Yes, we are lucky and am thankful every day. But, it doesn’t just happen. We have to choose to make it a top priority.

The challenge is to sit down and figure out what your values are: family, marriage, security, health, freedom, spirituality, independence, creativity, confidence, excitement, peace of mind, fun, friends etc. etc. and then plan your finances around them.

You will want to allocate your money differently depending on your values. It’s much easier to stick to a “budget” if it is meeting your core values, as opposed to “what someone else told you you should do with your money”.

Values are what motivates you and shapes your life. They need to be the main part of your master financial plan.

Mini Stick Boys

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When I was about 6 months pregnant with Josh, Zach began to have major separation anxiety at nighttime.

I would give him his bottle, rock, sing and hug him until he was dozey, then give him a kiss and gently place him in his crib. I would stay at his side for a few seconds until I thought he was nearly asleep, and then tip toe out of the room.

Of course, we lived in an old house, and the floors creaked, so within 20 seconds Zach would pop back up in his crib and start crying. I would start the whole procdeure over again.

It was exhausting.

I eventually positioned a chair next to his crib and slowly moved it back inch by inch, as I had read in a book to do.

I remember so clearly sitting on that chair, looking down at my big belly, and feeling like time would never pass. I just wanted him to go to sleep, so I could in turn go lie down and eventually fall asleep too.

I don’t know where those days have gone.

Back then, every night for a long while seemed like an eternity.

Now, bedtime, is pretty simple. Everyone gets on their PJ’s, brushes teeth, piles into our bed for some reading (and often silly play), prayers and then off they go.

We then go into each child’s room and do our own “little routine”. Nice, intimate one on one time with each of them (and each of us).

But, that is changing too. And I don’t know where the time is going.

I went upstairs to say good night to the “big boys” as per usual (they share a great big room). The routine is to go “lie with them” for a few minutes, chat a bit, and then I pick “lucky winner” for Zach (I reach into his stuffy bin and pull out the stuffy that gets to sleep with him that night. He closes his eyes and guesses who the “lucky winner” is). It’s very cute. He’s all about fairness and being fair to his stuffies (hmmm, wonder where he gets that from??) As I leave, they ask for my “ETA” (when I’m going to bed) and then my schedule (where in the house we will be and what we will be doing”. They then can stay up and read or talk.

Last night, I had to go back up for some reason and plus, I was hearing a lot of noise. This is what I found:

They were playing “mini sticks”. They often play “hockey” up in their room (all the kids usually go up there to play too). I used to think it was so cute until I saw how destroyed our stair banister was getting (they have stairs leading up to their room – you can see the marks on the right side of the picture) … oh well. That’s what paint is for.

I took a picture of them: (check their slippers):

They are growing up so fast. Zach has gone from jumping up in his crib when I tried to creep out, to THIS, overnight! And Gabe is a teenager? Really ?!? (I’m sure he won’t be thrilled to know these pictures exist and are posted on my blog no less)!!!

The sad thing is I know the mini sticks, big slippers, lucky winner time is ticking. As cute as it is, my heart felt a little heavy when I saw it (hence why I took the pictures). I wish I could press pause in my life and capture these moments forever.

I guess blogging and photos will have to do. And the impression left forever on my heart will have to do too.

I love these little peeps.

Get up and win that race!

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Last year all the kids signed up for Cross Country. They went to practice every morning before school and trained really hard.

On the morning on the Cross Country meet, I decided to read them this poem; one of my favorites that I remembered from when I was younger.

The Race
by D. H. Groberg

Whenever I start to hang my head in front of failure’s face,
my downward fall is broken by the memory of a race.
A children’s race, young boys, young men; how I remember well,
excitement sure, but also fear, it wasn’t hard to tell.

They all lined up so full of hope, each thought to win that race
or tie for first, or if not that, at least take second place.
Their parents watched from off the side, each cheering for their son,
and each boy hoped to show his folks that he would be the one.

The whistle blew and off they flew, like chariots of fire,
to win, to be the hero there, was each young boy’s desire.
One boy in particular, whose dad was in the crowd,
was running in the lead and thought “My dad will be so proud.”

But as he speeded down the field and crossed a shallow dip,
the little boy who thought he’d win, lost his step and slipped.
Trying hard to catch himself, his arms flew everyplace,
and midst the laughter of the crowd he fell flat on his face.

As he fell, his hope fell too; he couldn’t win it now.
Humiliated, he just wished to disappear somehow.
But as he fell his dad stood up and showed his anxious face,
which to the boy so clearly said, “Get up and win that race!”

He quickly rose, no damage done, behind a bit that’s all,
and ran with all his mind and might to make up for his fall.
So anxious to restore himself, to catch up and to win,
his mind went faster than his legs. He slipped and fell again.

He wished that he had quit before with only one disgrace.
“I’m hopeless as a runner now, I shouldn’t try to race.”
But through the laughing crowd he searched and found his father’s face
with a steady look that said again, “Get up and win that race!”

So he jumped up to try again, ten yards behind the last.
“If I’m to gain those yards,” he thought, “I’ve got to run real fast!”
Exceeding everything he had, he regained eight, then ten…
but trying hard to catch the lead, he slipped and fell again.

Defeat! He lay there silently. A tear dropped from his eye.
“There’s no sense running anymore! Three strikes I’m out! Why try?
I’ve lost, so what’s the use?” he thought. “I’ll live with my disgrace.”
But then he thought about his dad, who soon he’d have to face.

“Get up,” an echo sounded low, “you haven’t lost at all,
for all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
Get up!” the echo urged him on, “Get up and take your place!
You were not meant for failure here! Get up and win that race!”

So, up he rose to run once more, refusing to forfeit,
and he resolved that win or lose, at least he wouldn’t quit.
So far behind the others now, the most he’d ever been,
still he gave it all he had and ran like he could win.

Three times he’d fallen stumbling, three times he rose again.
Too far behind to hope to win, he still ran to the end.
They cheered another boy who crossed the line and won first place,
head high and proud and happy — no falling, no disgrace.

But, when the fallen youngster crossed the line, in last place,
the crowd gave him a greater cheer for finishing the race.
And even though he came in last with head bowed low, unproud,
you would have thought he’d won the race, to listen to the crowd.

And to his dad he sadly said, “I didn’t do so well.”
“To me, you won,” his father said. “You rose each time you fell.”
And now when things seem dark and bleak and difficult to face,
the memory of that little boy helps me in my own race.

For all of life is like that race, with ups and downs and all.
And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
And when depression and despair shout loudly in my face,
another voice within me says, “Get up and win that race!”

We all attended the race and Rob and I were right on the sidelines cheering them on. Josh was the first to run in his age level. He is actually quite the runner and had come in 7th out of 200 the previous year. He got off to a good start, but within 15 seconds, he fell. They run on the beach, so the sand is hard to run on and then hard to get up. I could tell he was pretty discouraged. But we yelled from the sidelines “Get up Josh and run !”. He did, and he came in 16th (out of 200)- still pretty impressive! (I was so worried that I had jinxed him by reading that poem…but I was glad we had read it anyways!)

This morning was the first morning again for Cross Country. Sam and Josh were practicing. It is Sam’s first year – and he looked so cute lined up with his buddies! A couple of his buddies were fooling around at the front of the line and the gym teacher gave them a warning that someone would get hurt if they didn’t stop being silly (a common warning for 6 year olds!).

They started to run, and the two little “silly” boys continued to be “silly” and bumped into each other and subsequently fell. Of course, they fell and 20 kids were behind them, so I imagine it was pretty shocking and scary from their perspectives lying on the ground! They didn’t actually look too hurt – a scraped knee and maybe elbow at most. They both went running, in tears to their Mom’s who were standing nearby.

Of course, the Mama Bears comforted their little cubs (as they should). They kissed the boo-boos, hugged them and gave the words of comfort. The little cubs continued crying – even louder. They put bandaids on their knees (even though they didn’t really need bandaids – but most kids want the bandaids anyways…) and continued to console them. The little ones continued to cry and even asked to go home. They were comforted more, and kissed more, and consoled more. They kept crying. They were stroked and hugged even more. They cried.

Ok. Enough already.

I am a compassionate Mother Bear. I believe in kissing boo-boos, providing words of comfort, hugging and consoling.

But I also believe in teaching your children that “it’s not end of the world” and you sometimes need to pick yourself back up and keep going.

Although those Mama Bears were providing comfort, they were robbing their child the opportunity to learn from the experience: that despite adversity, despite feeling left behind, despite feeling pain or loss or shock, they can get up and “win that race”. Or as my husband would say “suck it up and keep going”.

I’m sure the Mama Bears would not have appreciated me saying that (although in that crowd I am construed as the wicked stepmother anyway), but I think sometimes we need another Mama Bear to shed some light and give some perspective. Comfort your child, and then send them on their way so they can learn how to keep going.

The most important thing our children need to hear from us is “You can do it! I believe in you! Get up and win that race”!.

Let’s Talk Money

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This is a really boring tip but quite important:

Write down all your expenses for a specific period of time (try doing it for a couple of months).

Keep track of every red cent you spend. Every cent.

Then categorize all your expenses:

Fixed: all the thing you can not quickly change: housing, car payments, utility bills, savings etc. Of course, these things can be changed eventully if you see they are eating too much out of your budget. Incidentally I have read that you should only be spending between 25-29% of your gross income on housing (mortgage, taxes and insurance)….

Variable expense: all the things that you have direct control of: food, clothing, entertainment, gifts etc. etc. This is the area that gets interesting! You may be amazed at how much you eat out, how quickly you spend on unnecessary items, how you spend more on clothes than you do on housing! Whatever your tendency or pattern is – you need to know it!

Writing things down helps you be more conscious with your money – makes you more aware of how you spend it. You may be shocked that if you just cut out one unnecessary expense you could save a lot!

David Bach calls this the “latte effect”. If you calculated how much you could save by not having a latte, or making it at home, or not drinking one at all (like in our situation:)) and then saved that money instead – you will instantly have found a great little savings strategy (and maybe even can boost your 10% savings plan!).

The first time I tried it – I was amazed at the little things I learned: How much did we spend eating out??? How much does it cost me everytime I step into a Walmart??? How much money is going towards “wasted” things??? It quickly made me think about where I shop, how often I shop, and when and where we eat out.

I’m really not into “depriving” myself (sounds bad I know). But I’m not. BUT….I also know that I enjoy going out for dinner with my husband just as much as when we spend $30 on dinner then when we spend $100 on dinner. I enjoy a movie with my kids when we rent it (although with Blockbuster gone – where do you rent movies anymore…??) and buy some Kernels popcorn with a sleepover in our family room for $20 then I do at the movie theatre for $80 (no movie is that good in my opinion!) So, I’m not suggesting to deprive yourself, just be conscious of how much things really cost you – and then ask yourself – is it really worth it?

Try it and see. Don’t be discouraged if you see how you make unnecessary or over indulgent purchases that you can’t afford. Acknowledge it and start over.

Quote of the Week

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“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain

I thought this quote was appropriate given we are starting the school year. We always encourage the kids to try out for as many things as they can, get involved with lots of school activities, and keep up with their “usual” activities (soccer, swimming, tennis, skiing). I don’t want them to regret years later not trying things, or exploring new adventures…now is the time.

But now is the time for Rob and me too! As Rob and I have been playing a lot more tennis recently (the US Open inspired Rob to want to play every day), I was thinking back to when I first picked up a racquet….

Rob is an amazing player and taught for years, so was more than happy to teach me. He started teaching me a few years ago – we actually “played” tennis on our fourth date (I had no idea at the time how good he was otherwise I might not have ageed to subject myself to the embarrassment). But, it has been a bit sporadic over the recent years, given our hectic life schedules.

Rob is a very patient teacher (he’s also my ski instructor:))but whenever he would hit me a “real” ball or serve a “real serve” (with his force) – I would get mad at him. It was impossible for me to even make contact with those balls. I even have a perfect circular bruise on my leg when a ball hit me just last week!

But, the other day, I made contact with one of his serves, and I was able to really rally with him!

Who knew! I was so pleased with myself. I’m so glad that what had once seemed impossible has now become a motivator to get even better (perhaps I can beat him one day?!?!) Just kidding honey.

Just a tiny example that it is never too late to start trying new things. No regrets.

Fortunes and Football

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First week of school is over.

I think things went well.

There were a few glitches along the way which had the little mouse in my brain running hard on his little wheel…thinking….

One of my kids did not get the teacher that I really hoped for, and think he would have benefitted from getting.

The teacher asked me if I had said anything to the Principal about it (ie. complained or made a fuss).

Another child is in a class that he was supposed to be in with his best best bud, but they changed it at the last minute. He was heartbroken…double whammy because he doesn’t really have a good friend in his class now.

The Mom of his best bud asked me if I was going to say anything….

Of course, my Mother Bear instinct is to jump up and down and create a fuss and try to change things. I am the expert on my child. I know what is best. I need to be advocating for my children and protecting them. I need to ensure they get what I think they need.

Or do I?

Yes, in many regards, I am the expert on my child and I do need to advocate for them and stand up for them to make sure they get what is fair and what they need.

But do I always know best?

Have I not experienced such heartache in my own life only to find out later that what I had really hoped would happen would not have been good for me? That had things gone my way, I would have been less happy? Perhaps that Someone knows better than me?

I loved the book “I Shall Not Hate” by Dr. Izzeldin Abuelaish. Amazingly inspirational man. He tells the story of when he was young and he gets separated from the rest of his siblings and friends and is forced to go to another school much further away. He says:

“What I could not have known was that a teacher at the new school would become one of the most important mentors of my life. He treated me like a son. I learned from the experience that you shouldn’t hate something you don’t know, because it may turn out to be the bearer of your greatest fortune”.

At the time I read this, it really struck a chord – and still does now. How much do you really want to tamper with fate, destiny, the plan for you – or whatever you want to call it?

Do I really want to tamper with my child’s plan either? Will me “knowing best” ultimately change the experience they are meant to have? How do you know when to meddle and when to leave things up to “what’s meant to be”.

I think of the analogy a motivational speaker, Troy Dunn, uses about “Life Being a Football Game” (my kids love this talk). As parents, we are the Senior Players, showing the “Rookies” (our children) the ropes. We play a significant role and influence them, teach them, guide them and support them. But we can’t force them, make everything perfect for them, help them avoid some of the other players or pitfalls and hazards of the game. They need to play the game themselves and deal with whatever play they are dealt with.

So, as I struggle with where to draw the line between advocating for my child and letting things happen, I try to remember that there are multiple pathways that are “right” for each of us. And even when the pathway may not be the “right” one, it may be just what my child needed.

I have to have faith that the “Coach” in this football game of life knows a bit more about the game and all the players than I do. He is calling the shots, and I just need to be listening so I can help my Rookie players develop the skills and play the plays that the Coach is calling. Sometimes the Coach may call me to action and defense, and sometimes the Coach may tell me to wait by the sidelines (with ice and some kleenex – and a big supportive hug). Either way, I need to be listening and I need to be prepared.

So, this week, I sat back and am watching from the sidelines…hoping that the little misfortunes may end up being one of their greatest fortunes….

On Being Creative

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It is always interesting when I have a thought brewing around in my mind, something I’m wondering about or something that I have been concerned about, that I end up having multiple conversations about it the following few days.

I recently had a conversation with one of my BFF’s about “creativity”, which turned to another conversation with my husband about it. We all had very interesting takes on “What is a creative person”? “How original are original thoughts“?

Then, as it usually happens, one of my clients ends up struggling with the very same topic and we end up having a discussion which I am much more prepared for and it again fuels my thoughts and then ultimately helps solidify a few more of my own perspectives (but are they original??? That is the question!!).

My client, who suffered from a life changing car accident, is struggling with “finding meaning in her daily activities”. This is something that all clients struggle with, so I am very used to trying to help my clients find “meaningful activities”. Some of them are “easy” – they already had a full life prior to their accident, and can simply return to a modified version of what they were doing. However, many struggled prior to their injury, or many can not return to their “meaningful activities” so we need to explore and find new meaning.

On a side note, a big challenge for me is setting aside my own personal perspective and beliefs and helping them explore their own lives without my “bias” (which I’m not sure is really possible – but at least I try to remain more neutral!).

However, I am a person of great faith and try to live my life according to my faith. Often, when I am encountered with challenges in my own life, I have additional “things” I do which help me and provide me with some great sources of comfort and wisdom (e.g. prayer, personal study of scripture or other good books, attending church, listening to conference talks about pretty much every topic I can think of (twice each year our church has a semi annual conference where you can hear the most uplifting, motivating, powerful speakers – these talks are then printed in a magazine or on the internet so you can view/read them at any time), talk to my friends and family for their solid advice, or consult, speak, share, and listen to my extremely wise, humble and in tune husband. Finally, trying to keep an eternal perspective throughout it all, and keep my eye always on my end goal. Note that I try to turn to these things. It isn’t easy.

However, I can’t exactly say to my client, “Have you prayed about it”? Although sometimes I do wish I could just refer them to a conference talk on that particular subject to get some more food for thought.

But there are lots of things I can say to help them – things that are on my “go to list” (read, write/journal, exercise, sleep, meditate, take a class, do a new activity, talk to people etc).

I also can’t tell them what I do when I take off my rose coloured glasses: cry, yell, feel sorry for myself, cry, eat (I ate a ton of Frootloops when I went through my divorce – can’t stand them now!), complain, cry, obsess and repeat the same negative thoughts in my head, talk incessantly about my problem with whoever will listen and then cry some more. They usually have mastered these techniques anyways.

Back to my original post:

In this particular case, I went to my “go to list” and suggested some exploring of various actitivies as well as some reading.

I referred my client to a book I am reading called “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. It is an excellent book about a women who makes a plan to try to “find happiness” in one year. Each month she focuses on a different aspect of happiness and sets little goals for herself. I have been reading it month by month, so am only on September, so I’m not sure if she “finds happiness”. However, it is pretty clear along the way, her life has become more deliberate and meaningful, which I personally think has something to do with the secret to a “happy” life.

I suggested to my client that we start to read this together. It is an easy book to read very short chunks of – which is one of the reading strategies we work on anyways. We quickly reviewed the book. She quickly became overwhelmed with all the info (again, pretty typical for someone following a head injury).

What she was getting stuck on was interesting: How did this woman come up with all those ideas? Why don’t I get ideas like that? If I just do some of her ideas, I am not being creative! It’s not “original”! What about the “original thought”? Would I not just be a copy cat? How is reading a book like this going to help me create “meaning” in my life? I need to think of something on my own! I need to get creative and come up with some ideas!

Funny you should say that. I have just spent a week talking and thinking about those very questions.

I happen to have a few fresh throught circling my brain (right or wrong – they are just my thoughts):

– Sometimes I think the people who wait for the “most original” thoughts or ideas end up doing nothing but waiting.

– Creativity fuels creativity. If you want to be more creative, surround yourself with what you think is creative: read about it, watch it, experience it, immerse yourself in it.

– Re define how you view creativity:

(I stole this example from my husband): The Wright Brother’s created the plane – but did not create wings! The combustion engine had already been created too. They just combined these ideas.

Writers don’t create words, they just use them in different ways (idea stolen from my husband too!). Are writers not then creative?

Artists often paint nature: but they did not create nature. Are they then cheating? They usually use material that already exists. Are they only artists if they create a brand new material?

I would dare you to find a musician who was not heavily influenced by a variety of music and other artists. Does that detract from a musician’s creative abilities and masterpieces?

People who give good advice are often just people who are well read, have lived life, talked to a lot of people, perhaps are spiritually intune and insightful into their own shortcomings. They don’t just create “brand new ideas”. They often have role models that they look to and learn from them. They recycle, reuse, relearn. How many times do you hear people say “Yeah, I read about something similar and then just put my own twist on things”. That is still creativity in my opinion!

People may be born with talents and gifts, but it is only through hard work and “trying something new” that they find and develop their talents and gifts. You have to actively seek out what you are good at.

Why do we feel we have to reinvent things, or have an “original” thought to be creative? Lots of stuff is already out there. It’s what we do with it and how we use it that is the creative part.

Not to take away from the things that truly are uniquely created…but these things are often later combined with other things or reused to make something else – also creative!

Why do we feel that we “either have it or we don’t”? How do we even know if we “have it” if we never are exposed to it?

So as the client and I looked at the “Happiness Project Book”, I tried to help her see that this kind of book is not a “checklist” of what she needs to do. But it can be a source of inspiration. Here’s what someone else did. Maybe something will trigger an idea for you. Often ideas we “brainstorm” are not the ideas that get fulfilled – but they lead us to other ideas.

We take something, combine it with something else, add a little twist and make it our own. We are creative. We try out a new thing, and like it and do it over and over again until it becomes “ours”. We wear it differently, we read it differently, we say it differently. And it can be very creative.

Along the way of trying to be creative or find creativity, we try new things. Stepping into the unknown or being inspired to do things beyond our own imagination helps us find our true passions, our desires, our niches, and ultimately, our meaning. When we find some meaning, we may just find a piece of ourselves too.

Back To School!

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Hard to believe that another year has started!

Gabriel has gone off to Grade 8.

Alexandra is starting Grade 5. (Check the cutey curls!)

Zachary is starting Grade 5.

Joshua is starting Grade 3. (I threw in a goofy pic too since that is what is pretty much signature Josh!)

Samuel is starting Grade 1 – first year of full day school!

And of course we did our annual staircase picture…but first a little trip down memory lane (and history behind the picture!):

Here’s the fist pic – (I had just actually met Rob…) so it is just me and the boys. Josh was starting Junior Kindergarten (half days) and Zach was starting grade 1!

Then came our first official year together in 2008! This was a big year of transitions…Gabe and Zandra had to switch schools too.

2009 (Sam started Junior Kindergarten):

2010 (Gabe changed schools to Middle School):

Then this year: 2011! (We had to take it on a timer this year and we have just redone the porch railings and it’s not yet painted so it doesn’t look as good – but we still have to take this picture!)

It’s going to be a great year.

But I’m a little sad that they are growing up so quickly:( How do you stop that?