Raising Flowers and Skids

Quote of the Week

Posted on October 8, 2014 by Leah

I often find myself going along in life, doing my daily thing, but feeling some frustration with how things are going, or not going, how busy I am, how my kids are acting, how tired I am etc. I find myself craving a vacation, or a break. And often a vacation, or a break is just what I need!

But I also need to sit down and “realign my compass“. Look at what I am doing and how that fits into the grand scheme of things. Ask if I am living according to my core values and beliefs. Evaluate the state of my relationships and consider what changes I need to make.

I am so grateful, that every 6 months, I have the opportunity to listen to our church’s semi annual conference. It is a weekend filled with inspirational talks and those talks help me to get that realignment I so desperately need.

I love that Rob and I cosy up on the couch to watch the conference, connecting on such a deep level, sharing our thoughts about our lives, each other, our family. Making decisions to change something, or getting the affirmation that somethings we are doing are right.

I love how the kids watch portions of the conference with us, and this year started taking notes! I love to catch a glimpse about what touches them. I love that they are learning that they can find answers to their questions in these talks. They may choose to take a different path in life, but they may always remember conference as being a source of wisdom, regardless of the path they choose. Wisdom is wisdom:)

I love that we will watch so many of these talks over again in family night and open up huge discussions – intellectual and spiritual. Discussions that I would never have with my kids without hearing these words at conference.

I love that we will discuss these talks in church and hear people’s perspectives and how they were inspired.

I love that Pinterest will be swamped with new pins of quotes from these talks. These quotes will be used frequently; many people not even realizing where the quotes came from!

I love our tradition of food around these meetings:) The girls out for dinner prior to the “all girls session”; the boys out for dinner prior to the “all boys session”; the “picnic feast” we munch on during the main Sunday session.

I love it all.

(Even the dozing off that sometimes happens during a session, surrounded by blankets and cuddly family… And then the ability to re listen to the talks I missed at a later time:))

This past weekend was conference weekend, and it was a great one. Very timely, as my compass really needed aligning.

There were many talks that spoke to me. There were many talks that confirmed things for me. And there were many talks that are swirling in my head, pushing me to make changes or take action.

This quote comes from a very powerful talk by Jeffrey R. Holland, that I think touched the very soul of many. He spoke of our need to be helping the poor and needy and showing kindness, generosity and charity.

“Perhaps some have created their own difficulties, but don’t the rest of us do exactly the same thing? Isn’t that why this compassionate ruler asks, ‘Are we not all beggars?’ Don’t we all cry out for help and hope and answers to prayers? Don’t we all beg for forgiveness for mistakes we have made and troubles we have caused? Don’t we all implore that grace will compensate for our weaknesses, that mercy will triumph over justice at least in our case?”

Hmmm… Maybe cast the judgements aside, and begin to focus on the good we can give and we need to be giving. Maybe focus on the fact that “because I have been given much, I too must give.”

Certainly made me want to express my gratitude for the temporal and spiritual blessing I have, and take a deeper look about what I give back both temporally and spiritually, and to whom I give it back to. For I know that I too am a beggar, and appreciate the mercy that is shown to me.

ArtSee

Posted on October 3, 2014 by Leah

When my sis-in-law told me about this amazing idea she was working on with her 3 sisters, I was so excited for her because a) the concept is awesome and b) how cool is it that she was starting a company with her 3 sisters? I only wish that my kiddos were a bit younger and could help participate and have fun with this idea!

In a nutshell, they have created ArtSee . (Yeah, go check it out and note that cutie little girl, is my cutie niece (one of my cutie nieces I should say, although I don’t know if the 16 and 20 year old want to be called cuties:))

The idea is simple; every month you receive a fun, cool art project (everything you need is included) that your child can complete. With the project, you also receive a pre-paid envelope so when the project is done, you can ship it off to a loved one right away with no hassles! It’s a great way for the kids to stay connected with Grandma, Grandpa and favorite aunts:)

If you think that perhaps I am biased, then rest assured, I am NOT…and go check out a great review of ArtSee from my bloggy friend Janine over at Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic and her two cutie girls! (OK, maybe I am biased here too since I love Janine)…

But great ideas are great ideas and this one I know is going to be a hit!

Quote of the Week

Posted on September 30, 2014 by Leah

“The best gift you could ever give someone is your time because you are giving them something that you’ll never get back”

Time is precious, and these days there are so many competing interests for “time.”

I find myself struggling to get everything done in a day, and feeling like there is never enough time.

And there isn’t, so there is always an endless list of things that need to get done…at some point.

I feel that I need to pause and make sure that the important people around me are getting the time they deserve. Whether they realize it now or not, in the years to come, the only thing that they will remember is the time that I have devoted to them.

This quote was a nice little reminder for me right now:)

Quote of the Week

Posted on September 16, 2014 by Leah

The first few weeks of school are great in many ways, but too busy in others. This year I have thrown starting up a new business (in addition to my regular work) and I feel completely swamped. But no complaints. We are blessed.

But, some things have slipped and I need to get back on track with my documenting (common theme this year. It really has been the craziest year ever!)

Last week I didn’t do quote of the week. To some extent, that was purposeful as the quote two weeks ago needed to hang around our kitchen for another week. Ahh, teenagers….

This week, I felt uninspired. I have been searching, but coming up empty handed.

Until this jumped out:

“There are seven things that will destroy us: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Religion without sacrifice; Politics without principle; Science without humanity; Business without ethics.”
— Mahatma Gandhi

I know teenagers are struggling with their identity, figuring out what they stand for, what they believe, establishing their independence, and voicing their opinions. It’s a natural part of growing up.

But sometimes you just shake your head!!

And who could sum up a lot of things better than Gandhi!

We all want some form of Wealth, Pleasure, Knowledge, Religion, Politics, Science, and Business in our lives (and even if you are not religious — most people want peace, answers, inspiration, spirituality; with politics, most want a well led society, world problems to be solved etc.) So, we all want these things.

But what are we willing to do to get them? Work? Develop and live by a strong personal and social conscience? Be of strong character and continue developing? Sacrifice many things? Live by strong principles even if that is not always easy? Have a sense of compassion and humanity? Have a code of unwavering ethics, even when no one is looking?

Because without those things, everything else is fleeting.

Thank you Gandhi for putting so many of the thoughts I am trying to understand and live by myself and teach my children in such eloquent form.

And guess what? Gandhi was one of the most humble men around. Hmmm… Another trait, that without it, will lead to our destruction….

Quote of the Week

Posted on September 7, 2014 by Leah

Well, better late than never!

Given school started this past week, and given we now have THREE official teenagers in the house, I thought this quote is quite appropriate:

“If you have to SNEAK to do it, LIE to cover it up, or DELETE it to avoid it being seen, then you probably SHOULDN’T be doing it.”

Hmmm… makes you really think about what you say, write and do.

First Day of School

Posted on September 3, 2014 by Leah

Summer ended way too quickly this year it seemed.

It was a great summer, but the kids were pretty ok with getting back to school.

Maybe even a bit excited?!?!

Everyone was up early and ready to go for out annual photo shoot:

Gabe is starting grade 11, High School

Zandra is heading into Grade 8, Extended French, Middle School

Zach is also starting Grade 8, French Immersion

Josh is starting Grade 6, French Immersion, his final year in elementary school!

And as always, back to school tradition, his goofy picture:

Finally, Sam is heading into Grade 4!

We set up the tripod, and then set up our front stair picture. I always like taking a few pictures of the “set up” as that to me, is our real life:

The kids headed off to school: Zach and Zandra left first, and then I took Josh and Sam (Rob had to miss the walk to school as he had cardiac rehab).

Can you believe how much they have grown?

Seriously!

It needs to stop.

Grit Part II

Posted on August 28, 2014 by Leah

So.

GRIT.

In my last post I started talking about GRIT and shared with you a great Ted Talk about it (here)

I then shared with you the article (and video) by Salman Khan that talks about learning and Growth Mindset (here).

Khan states: “Researchers have known for some time that the brain is like a muscle; that the more you use it the more it grows. They’ve found that neural connections form and deepen most when we make mistakes doing difficult tasks rather than repeatedly having success with easy ones. What this means is that our intelligence is not fixed: and the best way that we can grow our intelligence is to embrace tasks where we might struggle and fail”.

Hmmm… Sounds like a really great reason to be saying “in this house, we do hard things.”

And even though we (Rob and I) are hated, and attacked, and disrespected because of that, ( by some people) I am sooooo happy that THAT is the approach we are taking.

And we are NOT changing that.

It’s funny how when you are questioning something in your mind – especially related to your kids – worrying if you are doing the right thing, wondering if the attack being made on you is justified, considering just walking away and saying, “Ok, have it your way. Don’t do anything that isn’t “you”, only do things within your comfort zone, and brush everything off saying ‘it’s not going to make it break you'”, that all of a sudden you are exposed to articles, videos, lectures/sermons, conversations and promptings that deal EXACTLY with what you are struggling with! I sat in a class on Sunday and they even read a scripture that seemed to be screaming at me the confirmation of what we are doing was the right way for us to be raising our kids.

As I told this one child of mine in particular, as parents, we will make mistakes. Many mistakes. And one day, in 10++years, (or preferably when they are parents so they can be coming from the sane reference point) they may turn around and say, “it was a mistake for you to make me do XYZ”.

Ok.

Sorry.

Don’t make that mistake with your kid.

But I would prefer to be accused of making a mistake in doing, or pushing, or providing opportunities, than make the mistake of not pushing.

I gave the analogy that my kids are little apprentices with a tool box. My job, as their parent (and YES, as a stepparent too… I may not have given birth to them but I have been entrusted to raise them 50% of the time and by gosh I am going to take that seriously and treat that role with the same respect, reverence, seriousness and honour that I do being a mother) is to give them tools that I think they may need in their toolbox for now AND for later. As they go through life, they can reach into their box and hopefully find a tool that can help them in every situation. Some may not be helpful to them down the road. But that’s ok! Don’t use it! Pick another! Hopefully we will have given them many options, and many tools. And hopefully a few tools will be ones that they can count on, A LOT.

Hopefully, the coaches, teachers, leaders, aunts, uncles, siblings, friend’s parents, and their other parents have also given them tools along the way. And hopefully, they will have collected some through their own experiences (of doing hard things!)

I want their box to be full. Full of choices and options and guidance.

This, opposed to leaving their box empty. Telling them they don’t need tools, or taking out the tools that others have put in….

The tools that go in the box however, often come from “doing hard things“. Doing hard things supports the growth mindset, which I totally buy in to.

The growth mindset, leads to GRIT.

And GRIT is what my favourite word is right now.

I want my kids to be as gritty as they can be.

I want to be as gritty as I can be.

When the towel falls in, I want them jumping in to get it!

When they make a mistake, I want them trying again, telling themselves that they are growing.

When they are out of their comfort zone, I want them squirming, but staying, knowing they are pushing their limits and will be better for it.

I want them to know when I push them, it’s because I truly believe that they can fly and then see the world from a whole new perspective and have more worlds opened up to them.

So, I think I’ll keep the word GRIT around for awhile, even if my kids get sick of hearing it. And I think I will keep repeating, “In our house, we do hard things”, even if I get accused of being that wicked witch. It’s so worth it.

I’m going to stay gritty with my parenting:)

Grit

Posted on August 25, 2014 by Leah

Back in Lake Powell, I had a favorite word:

GRIT.

Rob called it “my word of the week”.

I did use it a lot , and continue to do so.

It’s because I worry that there is not enough GRIT in our home.

And not the dirt kind. I think we got that covered.

While in Lake Powell, we hung our towels over the railing on the second level. When it got windy, we worried they would blow away.

Which one day, one did. One of my kids came down from the third level to where I was on the sun deck. Here’s our conversation:

Kid: “One of the towels fell into the water.”

Me: “Did you go get it?”

Kid: “No. It sunk”

Me:” Did you see where it fell?”

Kid: “Yup”, and he pointed to the spot.

Me:” Are you going in now to get it?”

Kid: “Nah,…it sunk. I think the water is deep there.”

Me: “You are not even going to try to get it….???”

Kid: “It’s gone. It sunk. I think the water is deep there.”

I got up from the 30 seconds of relaxed sitting I had been doing, wandered into the water, and walked around for a bit, searching for the lost towel.

My niece, who had overheard the conversation, jumped in with goggles and started searching with me.

Within 30 seconds we had located the towel. And another towel too!

I was truly annoyed by this experience.

On a very deep level.

Fast forward a few weeks and a couple of other experiences really impacted me:

People giving up so easily when the task is hard.

People not willing to try new things.

People complaining that a certain task is “not them”, so they shouldn’t have to do it. (Ummm, really? How old are you? You already have decided things are “not you?” I’m still figuring out “what’s me!” )

People thinking that life should be easy and the past is the past so they shouldn’t have to live with the consequences.

People thinking we push too hard as parents and as a result perhaps the parenting schedule should be reconsidered so that they can avoid difficult things (Icing on the cake that one.)

People saying whatever they can say and manipulating what they can to get out of hard situations.

I guess typical teenage stuff, tossed with a dash of divorce related issues and topped off with consequences of hostile communications of divorced parents.

Nonetheless, all these experiences have a common element in my mind: GRIT. Or lack of.

There is a fantastic Ted talk about Grit you can find here.

Grit, by definition, is courage and resolve; strength of character.

I love the synonyms: courage, bravery, pluck, mettle, backbone, spirit, strength of character, strength of will, moral fiber, steel, nerve, fortitude, toughness, hardiness, resolve, resolution, determination, tenacity, perseverance, endurance.

Salman Khan, of the Khan Academy, wrote a fabulous article this past week which highlighted “Growth mindset”. If you watched the Ted talk I linked to above, you will see that Angela Duckworth in the talk, shares that developing a Growth Mindset is the one way we know so far how to develop Grit. The two go hand in hand.

Go read the Khan article, and we will chat more about it next time… you can find it here.

Zach’s First Photoshoot

Posted on August 21, 2014 by Leah

In recent years, Zach has really expressed an interest in photography.

He likes being the “official photographer” for taking pics of Rob and me.

The past couple of weeks he has done a photography camp and really, really enjoyed it.

So much so, that he got all gung ho about the idea of buying his own DSLR.

Which he has done.

Last year, he saved almost all of his birthday, Christmas and work (babysitting) and allowance money. He didn’t really want to buy anything, so put it in his bank account. This year, he has also saved some birthday money and allowance money. But he finally found what he wanted to spend it on.

I have to admit, a 13 year old spending that much money made me a bit nervous. But, it’s his money, and I think it is a great investment, given how much he loves travel and photography.

So tonight, just hours after getting his new camera, he took us on a little photography shoot.

Here are the results. Not bad for the first photography shoot for a 13 year old! (and no editing)

And the photographer himself:

Quote of the Week

Posted on August 20, 2014 by Leah

We’ve been back a couple of weeks now (despite me just finishing my postings of our travels) and back into the swing of life.

At least the swing of the messed up summer schedule life we lead right now!

We don’t have all 5 kids together until the day before school; but get to have some time with just the boys, just the kids, and then just us!

In the midst of our vacations, camps, soccer, baseball, exercise (Rob’s rehab) and work, we have dealt with some issues with some of our kids. Is there ever a time that we aren’t doing that??

So, when I saw this quote, it rang so true:

“Fear is temporary. Regret is forever.”

I can’t tell you the number of times I have said the words, “in our house, we do hard things.”

And sometimes, doing hard things means facing your fears.

And sometimes you need to face your fears so that you know that you can do it.

And sometimes you need to know that you don’t have to do it alone.

We push our kids to face their fears because we believe in them, and know that they can do it. We push them so they know that they can fly! We push them so that they know in the future, they have an experience that they can look back on and find comfort and strength that they were able to do it.

And sometimes we may push too hard, or not push on the right things. One day, we may find out that it was a mistake. But, Rob and I both agreed that we would prefer that our kids resent us when they are older for pushing them too hard, than for not pushing them to their potential and not believing they can do it!

Because fear is temporary and regret is forever.