Quote of the Week

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I know this is sort of along the same line as last week’s quote, but it complemented my genius quote from last week, that I had to share – as sort of a part two:


“Don’t ever mistake
my SILENCE for ignorance
my CALMNESS for acceptance
or my KINDNESS for weakness” 

Seriously good, right?
I actually especially like the kindness one.
Isn’t that the truth though? Sometimes the ones who put others first, put their family first, make choices that sometimes sacrifice their own desires – are sometimes seen as the weaker people. 
But do not make that very very narrow assumption. Kindness is not weakness. It is the pillar of strength and confidence. It is what we all need to be striving for.

Motherhood Smotherhood

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I remember years ago seeing the movie “Stepmom” in theatres (with Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon) 15 years ago.

I loved the movie then. I actually love any movie that makes me cry – and this one was no exception.

Little did I know that 15 years later, I would still love the movie, but I would also be living the life.

I was surprised to see that they showed the movie on TV on Mother’s Day. Weird, because Mother’s Day is an extremely tricky day for many Stepmoms.

Mother’s Day is a day that many of us celebrate motherhood. However, for many, being a Stepmom does not qualify as “real motherhood”.

Of course, having my own biological children means that Mother’s Day is not one of those awkward, sad days for me. And having amazing step kids also means that Mother’s Day is a celebration for me for being a Stepmom too. I am extremely grateful to have the family that I have. But I do feel for those Stepmom’s who are not in the same situation – those who don’t get to have their motherhood celebrated.

At church they usually hand out some little gifts to celebrate Mother’s Day. I love that they give every woman, over the age of 18, a gift. Why? Because motherhood stretches far past the definition of bearing children. Any woman, involved in touching the life of a child, is mothering. And that should be celebrated.

Back to the Stepmom movie.

Man, this movie has it right in so many ways.

I am a Stepmom, so can relate to Julia Roberts (the Stepmom) and how she feels.

But, I actually can look at Susan Sarandon (the Bio-mom) and relate to how she feels too. I can relate to her on the level of my boys having a Stepmom (although on and off) in their lives. And, I can also look at her and see how her reactions mimic very closely some of the actions/behaviours my skids’ Mom has.

The fear of being replaced. The insecurity that the Stepmom will do things better, or that the kids will like her better. The need to compete. The need to try to make the Stepmom look bad. It is such a challenging relationship.

Although, in all fairness, the Mom in this movie is dying, so I think that introduces a whole different dynamic, where I think some of the insecurities are generally more “warranted”.

But I think it comes down to confidence. Confidence of being a mother. Confidence of being a Stepmother. Confidence to pretend to have confidence even when you are feeling pretty unsure of yourself.

And the truth is? There is no replacement for a mother – so moms have no need to fear.

And I’m happy to say, there is a no replacement for a stepmother either.

In the movie, Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts have the most beautiful conversation, where Julia Roberts is talking about her insecurities as a Stepmom: “You know every story, every wound, every memory. Their whole life’s happiness is wrapped up in you…every single second. Don’t you get it? Look down the road to her wedding. I’m in a room alone with her, fixing her veil, fluffing her dress, telling her no woman ever looked so beautiful. And my fear is she’ll be thinking, “I wish my mom was here”

Then, Susan Sarandon responds, “And mine is…she won’t….The thing is, they don’t have to choose. They can have us both and be better for it. I have their past, you can have their future.”

I cried at the end of the movie the first time round because you know that the Mom is going to die shortly. It is just so unfair, so sad.

But this time round, I cried for a different reason.  Yes, I cried because the Mom was going to die shortly. But I also cried because the Mom had given her children the greatest gift ever – the knowledge that their Mom loved them, and the permission for them to also love another woman – and be loved by another woman – in a motherly way.

Movies aside, the reality is the mom does have her children’s past, but both the mom and the stepmom have their futures. The kids really will be better for it.

And you know what, so will both women.

Quote of the week

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“Do not line the higher road with chickens.”

Great quote – right?

I made it up, in case you have never heard of it.

I am running a communication group with 12 of my clients. Obviously, given my job and education, communication is my thing. Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t run into the occasional (cough, cough) communication challenge. I’m human. But generally speaking, I’m a good communicator (or so I’ve been told.)

For this group, I had to create the course content, so that meant doing even more research about communication. Of course, the best part about teaching is you always end up learning so much.

But you also often get to have some things confirmed – something that is also nice. Encourages you to keep doing what you are doing.

One of the things we discussed in the group was SILENCE.

Silence is a very powerful communication tool.

Very powerful.

Silence can mean a bunch of different things. It can be very positive or very negative. It can be a useful tool, if it is eventually explained. In fact, I encourage my clients to use silence as a way to process and a way to plan an answer. However, one cannot assume that silence means something specific.

One thing that silence is not, is a form of taking the higher road.

You know the old “I’m not going to dignify that with a response.” To me, that usually means you know you don’t have anything really to say that can hold water. (It’s sort of like when people say “with all due respect” and then say the meanest things… Saying “with all due respect” doesn’t give you the license to be rude!!!)

Back to silence. You have to be really careful with silence because what you don’t say, other people can make up about you. It’s better to get your truth out there rather than someone else’s lies or stories.

Silence often is also taken to mean agreement – not disagreement – and that is what I am trying to teach my kids to really be careful about. Have the courage to speak your mind, share your opinions and emotions, disagree if you must, but don’t play the card of “I’m taking the higher road by NOT responding to you.” In other words, don’t be chicken. Stand by what you really think.

The higher road is about dealing with a situation with love and compassion. It’s about doing something for the better of someone else, and maybe sacrificing a bit of yourself to do it. It is filled with an attempt to find a “win-win” solution. It’s about trying to assume the best.

The higher road is not lined with chickens; it is not lined with disrespect, fear and ignorance. It is not the road you take when you can’t be bothered, are too intimidated, or angry. It is not the road to take to avoid dealing with situations, or consequences. In fact – it is the exact road you take to take responsibility and accountability. Silence can have a spot on the higher road for sure – but you have to be careful that everyone knows what message silence is supposed to send. Don’t use silence as an avoidance technique or a way to avoid accountability. Take the higher road by expressing and asserting yourself and your needs and be respectful and compassionate to the needs of others.

Happy Birthday Zandra B!!

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Today Zandra turns 12.

Happy Birthday Sweet Pea!!

I have known her exactly half her life! It feels good saying that because everyday now I can say she has spent more of her life with our family than without!

12 is also a special year, because in our faith, it’s the year you transition into being a “Young Woman”… which means you get to start attending all the youth activities and they are super fun!!! And, you are growing up….

We are only celebrating her birthday next weekend (her friend party too) since she is at her Mom’s this weekend , but we did get to steal her away for an hour this morning to take her out to breakfast!

She is truly a special girl and I’m so lucky to have her in my life. We were talking the other day about how when someone walks in the room you can feel their energy. Some are like dark clouds and storms, and some are sunnier. I told her she is like the biggest ray of sunshine when she walks into any room. People are drawn to her because of her warmth and radiance.

Here are 12 things I love about this girl:

1. Her HUGE heart. She is so thoughtful, loving and kind.

2. Her amazing hugs and kisses. Zandra’s love language is physical affection. There is nothing better than getting and giving a hug from this girl. I love when she sneaks off to me in the school yard (when it’s not our day she has to do this quickly and sneakily to not upset her Mom) and gives me a huge hug and says she misses me. I miss her so much too and I hope she knows she is always in my thoughts…

3. Her smile and laugh. It is never far! Even if she feels a little grumpy, you can get her to smile:) She loves to laugh and she really does light up a room.

4. Her creativity . You can always count on her to be coming up with a great idea, or making a new craft, or sewing or knitting, or making lipgloss. This girl has serious talent.

5. Her helpfulness. Always offering to help – even when it’s not technically “her” day to help.

6. The tickles and hairstyling she gives. Pure heaven. I’d take her over a spa any day. And I do… I’m so lucky!

7. Her innocence. I love how she is still so pure in heart. She doesn’t do things maliciously. She is surprised when her friends betray her. She tries to make everyone happy and treat everyone fairly. She wouldn’t hurt a flea and trusts everyone around her.

8. Her girliness: She is all sparkles, glitter and nail polish. Loves to dress up, dance and spend girl time. Or loves a good date with her Dad. She is our princess that’s for sure.

9. Her hard work: When she’s stuck on something, she works at it! She puts so much time into projects whether for school or at home. She has learned to become a disciplined student and puts lots of effort in. These traits will carry her far in life.

10. She’s an awesome sister: She really has a special bond with each of her brothers. Whether she is the younger sister who takes advice and is protected, the family twin that shares the secrets, or the adoring and protective older sister who keeps the little boys in line, she is loved.

11. She’s an awesome daughter: Daddy’s girl for sure, and she loves that role almost as much as her Daddy loves her. Their bedtime routine together is hilarious! They even have little bird calls to each other! It’s so amazing to watch and I’m so happy for her to have an example of a true man; a role model of the kind of man we hope will be worthy enough to have her one day (far off:))

Words cannot express the joy I get from this girl! I was so blessed to be placed in the role of Stepmom to her. We are actually proof that nurture and environment play a strong role as we too share so many similarities:)) She is so loved and needed in our home.

12. Her sweet spirit : You know how some people are just “good?”She is one of those people (much like her Dad I might add; just solid “good”) She has the sweetest spirit and it comes out wherever she is. She has a desire to do good, to be good. A desire to love, share, be kind. She loves family, friend, nature, animals and her Heavenly Father. I hope she also always remembers how much she is loved and valued, here and beyond.

Happy Birthday Amazing Sweet Pea!!

 
 
 
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So for her birthday celebrations here, she had a little party. It was a spa/sleepover party and the idea was the girls would do their nails and their hair, then watch a movie and have a sleepover.
 
Their nails partially got done, with a lot of giggling and boy talk.
 
We then had some pizza and homemade raspberry filled lemon cupcakes, and they watched movies and giggled into the wee hours.
 
We had nice little family dinner for her too to celebrate:)
 
Here’s some pics of the celebrations!
 
 
 
 


How do you know?

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Recently, some of my clients have been asking me questions like , “how do you know he/she’s the right one.”

I guess it’s not unusual. I work with a lot of people (especially guys) between the ages of 16-30 (stats show a majority of head injury survivors are under the age of 30) and I work with them for a long time, so you develop a good relationship and I often find I’m doling out “motherly advice.”

I’ve given this question a lot of thought. From my personal perspective, I think prayer is the most powerful way of knowing all things, but often people don’t really understand that answer:) However, being still, meditating, or going with your gut all are ways of saying similar things that people seem to relate to.

But there are a few other ways I’ve come across that seem to be falling in my “staple answers” for this question. Answers that I’ve even heard myself reciting to my kids when they start to ask about love, marriage, relationships (and boy do they have questions given that their parents are divorced – so I have to think real hard about my answers.)

Here are my words of “love wisdom”:

1. If you have to ask, she/he is not.

The movie is “One Week”. The scene is outside a motel with Gord Downie (Tragically Hip) and Ben Tyler (played by Joshua Jackson). Gord is telling Ben he has been married for 25 years and still in love. Ben asks Gord, “How did you know it was the real thing?”

Gord’s reply:

“If you gotta ask, you’re not. And you already knew that.”

I could really just stop here and be completely in agreement with this answer. But, in case you need more….

2. It’s just not complicated.

It’s really not. I talked about my feelings about complicated here.

Life can be complicated. Situations and circumstances can make things complicated.

Being in love. Not complicated. There could be a storm surrounding you (which is complicated), but there is calm within the eye of the storm where you are.

I had this discussion with one of my clients a few weeks ago – not about love per se, but about “complicated lives”  and the need to simplify. He came back last week to our session and reported he had broken up with his girlfriend. He said our conversation about “complicated” had really affected him. He realized that his relationship was just too complicated, especially for them being so young. He broke it off and had a huge weight lifted from his 21 year old shoulders.

I think uncomplicated also means “transparent.” I’m not into the whole argument about “privacy” in marriage. The whole “I lock my phone for “privacy.” You don’t know my password because of “privacy.” You can’t see my texts because it’s an “invasion of my privacy.””

Privacy is code for “complicated.”

Forget privacy. I don’t need it when I have respect. Respect for you, and respect for me. If we built our relationship on respect and loyalty then nothing we do ever needs to be marked off as “private.” I never want a reason to be suspicious, nor do I want to give reason for suspicion. Transparency overrides privacy. And then respect and loyalty take over.

Go for uncomplicated. Love can be pure and simple. Go for respect and loyalty.

3. Coma Guy

When I worked in a hospital, there were many people who were  severely injured. This one woman had this husband who visited her daily, despite her catastrophic injuries. She had been in  a coma for a long time, and had come out of it with tremendous difficulties – couldn’t walk, speak, or pretty much move. But, her husband came  in and sat with her, worked on her therapies with her, and even taught her how to paint with all her challenges. It was beautiful. He was so dedicated. He clearly had loved her and to him, she was still her, so he clearly loved her still.

I got divorced around the exact same time as one of my best friends. What timing. We were huge supports for each other. We talked a lot about the kind of man we wanted to marry second time around. This couple both stood out for us both (she worked at the same hospital). We called the guy “coma guy” and decided that we wanted a guy who would stick by us even if we were in a coma. That became our bench mark. “Forever guy” (another term we used), had to be “Coma guy.” Someone who would stick by you no matter what. Someone who really took their marriage vows seriously: “richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.” Coma guy.

(We laughed because when she met her husband, he was super super quiet…we joked that we didn’t seriously mean “coma guy”!!)

4. Swiss Chalet Couple.

Ok – another weird benchmark for me. I actually don’t usually share this one with my clients. But I will with my kids.

Another divorce story (getting divorced tends to make you think a lot about relationships, marriage, true love, forever stuff…weird, eh?)

I was spending the weekend with another one of my best friends. We had spa’d it up and she was heading back to Montreal on the train. Before dropping her off at the train station, we went to grab lunch at “Swiss Chalet”. Not the most glamorous place – and that is an understatement (but those fries with the gravy – yum!)

While we were talking, I was distracted by this older couple sitting nearby. They were really old. But they were all dressed up, looking lovingly at each other and even reached across the table to hold hands. Now in my imagination, they were there celebrating their 48th or 51st anniversary (they better go somewhere better for their 50th!!) and I turned to my friend and said, “I want a guy who will get all dressed up with me and take me to Swiss Chalet on our anniversary.” I don’t need the fancy restaurant, I just want the extraordinary guy in an ordinary life (It’s easy to find the ordinary guy in the ordinary life, or even in an extraordinary life.) Something about that couple. Perhaps the simplicity? The pure, simple love?

Shortly after I met Rob, I shared this story. You guessed it. Our first anniversary was spent at Swiss Chalet. We go back every so often and I’m always reminded of the Swiss Chalet couple.

I lucked out too. I did get the extraordinary guy – but I got the extraordinary life too. I didn’t realize how much you both create that life – and if you want it to be extraordinary, then together, you can create it.

5. A different kind of love.

Diane Lane. Love her. “Under a Tuscan Sun” and “Nights of Rodanthe” changed my life.

If you’ve ever been divorced, you’ll know what I mean about “Under a Tuscan Sun”. I talked a bit about how it impacted me here.

“Nights of Rodanthe” introduced me to the Outerbanks, which is a place that has captured my heart and soul and one of my favourite places to be.

But it also had this amazing scene in it where Diane Lane is talking to her daughter about love (and how she has fallen in love with a new man after her husband had left her):

I talked about it here in much more detail, but the quote was so good, I’ll share it again:

“I know you’ve only ever known your father and me. And I love Jack, because he is your father. But there’s another kind of love, Amanda. One that gives you the courage to be better than you are, not less than you are. One that makes you feel that anything is possible. I want you to know that you could have that. I want you to hold out for it.”

6. The Third Force/ Center of their world

A week before I met Robbie I was out with some gals and we decided to go to a fortune teller. I can’t really say it was a good experience. It actually creeped me out a bit. But, she did foretell that I would meet a great guy, who led a similar life  to me, and he would make me the center of his world.

THAT, I didn’t believe. In fact, I’m not even sure it was something that I wanted. It sounded too much like a “put me on a pedestal” kind of thing. Too unequal. Dysfunctional even.

But, it was simply because I didn’t really understand what she meant.

I get what she means now.

It’s sort of the Third Force thing. Your relationship becomes central. I take care of you, you take care of me. We are central. Nothing is more important than our marriage.

7. Vision and Values

This ties into the Third Force thing again. Nothing is more important than your marriage – but what is your marriage built on? You must have the same vision and values. If you are far apart on these key things, it is so much harder to make it all work. So you don’t *know* that this person is not for you simply because you have a different vision and values, but I think you do *know* it’s going to be a heck of a lot harder.

8. Eyes light up when they walk in a room

Ok – I know this one sounds a bit much. Maya Angelou said this about being a parent, “Do your children see your eyes light up when they walk in the room?” I always loved this, because it is something I want my kids to see. I know they don’t see it all the time (sometimes my eyes are lighting up when they walk in the room for other reasons, and it usually starts with me saying their FULL name), but I want them to see it sometimes at least. So they know how important they are to me. I’m excited to see them. I love seeing them. I miss them when they are not there.

I think the same goes for “the one”. I always think, if I am at a party and I look across the room at “my guy”, is my heart filled with pride that he is “mine”? You bet it is. Do I love hearing him talk, want everyone to know that I am with him, that I think he is the smartest, handsomest, funniest guy ever? Yup.

I think you honestly need to think the world of your “one”. There will most certainly be things that tick you off, get on your nerves, or build up your levels of frustration. But, overall, if there is a spare moment in the day, my thoughts will turn to him. If there is some free time, no better person to spend it with than him.

9. Passion and friendship 

I used to sit in romantic, fairy tale movies and think they were so unrealistic. And, true, their lives are pretty unrealistic – it ain’t all sunshine and lollipops. But the love, it’s out there. The deep love, combined with respect and passion. You can have it all – with the right one. You don’t have to sacrifice – marry your best friend and your most passionate lover. The two combined together – magic.

10.Chocolate Milk

Zandra and I had a long talk many months ago. As I said back here, it is hard for kids from divorced families to understand love and marriage. Kids do want to feel that they were brought into the world surrounded by love, even though it ended in divorce. It gets really hard to understand I think when they then see one of their parents (and hopefully both) go on to remarry and be super happy. Rob and I truly feel that we are the love of each other’s lives. Great for us, but hard for them to get. So I explained it using two of my favorite drinks:

Milk and Chocolate Milk.

Way back in the beginning, I loved milk. Icy cold milk. In a tall glass. It went down so well, especially with a great big cookie or piece of chocolate. It was the most delicious drink. I loved my milk and I could drink it all the time.

BUT.

One day I tried chocolate milk (this is where is gets tricky – because it’s not like I was running around trying to find a better drink. For me, milk was made unavailable and I just so happened to find chocolate milk later on.) Anyhow… I thought I had died and gone to heaven. It was SO good. I loved it and couldn’t get enough of it. It was so addictive. I could have it all the time.

Now, before I knew chocolate milk existed, I had loved my plain old milk. And my plain old milk was good – especially when that was all I knew. I didn’t know chocolate milk existed! But when I got the taste of it, there was no going back.

A bit of a goofy analogy I know, but Zandra seemed to get it and since then I have used it with a couple more of my kids and they seem to have gotten it too.

My point is not to keep drinking from every cup until you find the best drink:) My point is sometimes you need to experience a few different drinks in life to know the differences in taste. Hold out for chocolate milk. It is there. It is good. Don’t let “good enough” be the enemy of “best.” The best is there and possible to reach.

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So, how do you know? Maybe there is no exact answer. Maybe the answer is different for everyone. These are just some of the key things that I think will help you know…

Do you have any to share? How did YOU know?

It’s my SITS day!!

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Today is my SITS day!

For  those of you who don’t know, thesitsgirls.com is an amazing community of over 40,000 women bloggers. Every day they feature a blogger and today is my day! So a warm welcome to anyone new visiting today. I hope you will stop by often! And a warm welcome too for all those regulars that support me with their comments and THEIR amazing blogs!

I have been so blessed since I started blogging and have found such incredible support and deepened so many relationships! There are so many reasons why I blog, and you can read about them here.

I blog mainly about the ins and outs of our journey as a blended family. I love to talk about motherhood and stepmotherhood, both roles that I love and am honoured to fill. But both roles are challenging, maddening, and a load of fun. I have two boys biologically (10 and 11), and three skids (stepkids)  – two stepsons (7 and 14) and one stepdaughter (11), so we are never short on drama and adventure around here. My kids are sassy, funny, creative and smart and they make me laugh all the time. They make me cry too – I’m not ashamed to say I’ve cried many tears of exasperation and frustration. However, I do tend to share the rosier side of things – only because it helps me to SEE the rosier side of things.

I have been married for 5 years to an incredible man, who truly is the love of my life. It just took us the long, windy, back road way of finding each other. But we found each other, and this third force of ours is pretty darn precious.

I am also a career gal (work as a Speech Language Pathologist in private practice) and a travel nut. I love to travel and am either planning the next trip or on it! I also love a good book, a great beach (oops, that’s travel again, no?), some trash TV, financial stuff, sushi dates, traditions, a great quote, and an organized home (ok – that’s my ideal.) We are a family of faith and I love anything that feeds my spiritual soul.

So take a look around and I hope that we can become blogger pals!

Birthday Catch Up

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Somebody had a birthday around here the other day, but I won’t tell you who. One big hint is she turned 41.

She also has the best family who showered her with love and gifts:

Beautiful flowers:

An amazing little basket filled with magazines, books, lotions and lip balm:

Some handpicked rocks to add to the rocks that surround my candles (you can see the coloured ones – and the heart shaped one):

Some more candles that turn our main room into a spa like retreat at the first hint of darkness (even though the room usually looks like a bomb went off in it, it’s amazing what a little dim light can do!)

And of course, lookout for some new great pics too with a new zoom lense. Just need to figure out how to use it!

Finally, apparently some vintage earrings are on the way (darn Canada Post is so slow).

Love my family!

Quote of the Week

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OK I’m cheating a bit this week. I’m putting up a really long quote. Some might even call this a poem.

I choose a quote of the week to have pinned up in our kitchen to impart little words of wisdom. We discuss it at family night, and then I share it on this blog. We take a re-look at all the quotes of the year in December.

The whole “Quote of the week” has worked amazingly well. I find we are ALL on the look out for good quotes. Often Rob or one of the kids will tell me they found a good one, or text me it. I love that we are all tuned in to finding words to inspire!

Occasionally I find a really great poem that I just need to share. The kids all look at the board in the kitchen and say “That’s the quote??” Ok – so it’s not a quote, but it’s meaningful nonetheless.

As a Mom/Smom of 4 boys, I read this poem and knew it was for us. Great words of wisdom for my boys.

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son! 

Raffle tickets, anyone?

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Our school has a spring fair every year.

We live in one of those neighborhoods where the school is very supported: very supported by the parents, tons of volunteering and lotsa money being raised. They spend the money on a lot of things for the kids (science programs, artists in the school etc) but a ton of it goes towards anything Green and Eco. But I feel like there are some serious misses. For example, there are close to 800 kids, and they have to play in a yard that is half concrete (good for some games) and pretty much a field of dirt with the occasional blade of grass. Having four boys, I think the state of our fields and sports programs need some serious attention.

But, there is no winning against anything Green and Eco these days.

So in the past couple of years, I’ve sorta dropped sending in all the “extra fundraising” money. And I’ve sorta been annoyed at the constant rising cost of fundraising.

Take the spring fair.

They used to send home every kid with 10 raffle tickets to sell. Of course we all live in a tiny school radius so it’s not like you can sell them door to door, because your whole class lives on your street. So who ends up buying them? Us. So 10 tickets, at $2 a piece? $20 for the lot. Except I’ve got 4 kids selling them. $80! Then of course when you go to the actual fair, you drop another $100 (MINIMUM) on food and games. It’s no wonder that the fair raises $50000!!!! I know, I know, it all goes to a good cause…. But this fun day is now costing me a pretty penny.

But this year, they sent the kids home with double the tickets!!!!!! So now it’s $40 a pack!! I have 4 kids – so you do the math!!!

The other day I heard the buzz that these tickets were coming home and I dreaded it. My poor kids. Their horrible, unsupportive Mom. One by one they handed me the pack that I would have to get back to the school so they don’t go to waste.

I asked Zach where his pack was. He said, “Oh, you’re gonna be happy. My teacher handed them out and when he gave them to me I told him not to bother because my Mom would just throw them in the garbage.”

“What?!?! You didn’t!!” C’mon on. I don’t throw them in the garbage. I return them to the office where they redistribute them to better families.

Zach continued, “My teacher said I should let you make the decision and bring them home anyways. I said, ok, and then walked over to a girl in class who likes to sell them and gave them to her.”

Oh my word. Of course my next question to him was, “Did he see you do that?”

I wonder if this year I’ll be nominated for “Mom of the Year” at our school?

Note to self about technology

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There are many disadvantages living in a big city.

When I tell most people that I live in downtown Toronto, they usually make a face and make comments about traffic and “big city” living.

Truth be told, traffic does suck a little bit, but more for people who actually live in the suburbs and drive into the city. I usually am going against the traffic – although there is ALWAYS traffic regardless – but it’s manageable.

However “big city” living is not what people think. We live in a “neighborhood”. Yes, our property lots are tiny, and we have lots of stairs in our house because they are all skinny homes with lots of stories. And yes, we pay a FORTUNE. But I just look at it as forced savings:)

But it is a real neighborhood! The schools are all within walking distance (3 minutes for the elementary school and 20 minutes for the high school). We can walk to the grocery store, the bookstore, the drugstore, the post office, the doctor’s office, the gym, parks, dance school, tons of restaurants, nail salons,  and even my two favourite clothing stores. You don’t need to get in a car.

When my boys were young, we even walked to daycare. Sometimes I put the boys in the stroller and took them (until my stroller was sadly stolen off my front porch – I guess a downfall of city living  – there was a stroller robbing ring in our neighborhood many years back) or the wagon, if I was in a hurry or felt like taking a longer route in the evening. Walking was sometimes a challenge as Josh would cry all the way (have I ever mentioned he was a fussy child??) The neighbors knew the drill well.

We got familiar with every crack in the sidewalk, every ledge to balance on, every flower garden NOT to step in. If they were in the stroller, we would be chatting about the doggies we saw, the pretty houses, who lives where, what they were going to be doing that day or what they did. It was a great 10 minutes every morning and every evening. I actually miss it! Even though my kids are old enough to walk the 3 minutes to school, we actually usually still walk with them. It’s just a couple of extra minutes to share stories and chat. We do that at home I know, but there is something special about that time.

The other morning I was out for a run and I saw a woman pushing a stroller heading towards the daycare. Ahh, the memories flooded in of those stroller days. I looked at her almost wistfully – a bit jealous that she has all those days still ahead. Then I got a bit closer to her and looked at her little guy all snuggled in the stroller.

On an ipad.

Ok. I’m not trying to be too judgey judgey here. Listen, I am not one to say that I didn’t (and don’t ) use the TV as a babysitter sometimes (ok, often), or hand a kid my iphone to keep them quiet on a longer trip, or boring outing. My kids are well versed with the ipad, the iphone, the touch, the TV, the Wii, the Playstation, and the computer. Trust me.

I also know about those kids that are fussy, whiny and just plain challenging. Those who cry often. Or have fits or tantrums. And I know about doing anything to keep them quiet for some peace. So, maybe if ipads were around when Josh was little I would have used it (although he likely would have thrown it on the street as he cried.)

But seeing the little guy, playing on his ipad on the 10 minute walk to daycare made me a little sad.

I wanted to tell the woman how one day she would miss these stroller walks. She would miss out on looking fondly at the  memories of a little kid chatting away about flowers and trees and doggies and things that adult eyes don’t even see. She was missing out on pointing out things to her little guy too. These moments she would never get back!

Or maybe it was a one off day and she never gives him the ipad and it was a special treat. But I’m glad I saw it because it left an impression on me.

It got me thinking about what a blessing technology can be, but what a disservice it can be to our relationships too!!

So, I made a “note to self” : monitor my technology use and the technology use of my kids to ensure that we are not missing out on special times that are  happening now.

I think it’s all about being present. If technology helps me be more involved with my kids – like sending them a text, or taking a picture of them playing, then it’s a good use. But if it is drawing me or them away from a moment – then it needs to be limited. Emails, texts, games, messages will all be there later. But childhood won’t and I don’t want to miss out on precious big kid “stroller” moments.