Raising Flowers and Skids

“I have always found it odd that people who think passively aggressively ignoring a person is making a point to them. The only point it makes to anyone is your inability to articulate your point of view because deep down you know you can’t win. It’s better to assert yourself and tell the other person you are moving on without them and why, rather than leaving a lasting impression of cowardness on your part in a person’s mind by avoiding them.” Shannon Alder

I am a big believer in communication.

When a country goes to war, the first thing they try to do is disrupt the other county’s channels of communication. That should say something; when a country goes to WAR.

Should shutting down communication be our first line of fire too?

In this quote, they are referring to perhaps a break up of some nature. Break up where someone is moving on. But I think it can refer to any kind of “difficulty” in a relationship. Perhaps it’s something that your spouse has done that has your knickers in a bunch, or something a child, sibling or close friend has done. Is ignoring it really the best option?

At times, maybe, with certain people, it is. I’m slowly learning that sometimes with children (especially teenagers) it is best not to engage EVERY single time. Or occasionally, someone wants to keep an argument going for the sake of the argument or you know there is no resolution. However, even here, ignoring might not be the answer, but simply agreeing to disagree.

Having a real discussion can be hard. Often you are required to be humble, and listen to things you might want to hear. You may also need to be accountable, and take reponsibilty for your erred ways. You may need to be forgiving, or repentant and ask for forgiveness. You may end up severeing ties, despite taking the time to communicate.

However, you will be left with a clear conscience, knowing that you have done what you can do in that relationship, and you can move on knowing that you have not left any stones unturned.

As we start this Christmas season, I think back on this crazy year we have had with regards to relationships. It has been a tough one ; but one thing I can feel good about is that no stone has been left unturned. Whether we have been right or wrong, or there is no right or wrong, we have communicated. And communicated. And opened the doors to communication. Sometimes it is never enough and sometimes you just need to be ok with others choosing a different route. Because, I think, they just have not yet figured out that life is way too short….

Never forget YOU are someone’s reason to SMILE.

How powerful this can be for someone to really know.

Sometimes we do get down, or overwhelemd, or depressed, or frustrated.

Just knowing that WE bring joy to another person; that WE make someone smile when they wake up, assures us that we are not alone.

I hope ALL my family knows that they give me reason to smile every, single day.

My life would not be complete without each and every one of them. The greatest source of my daily joy, is them.

“It’s amazing what you find when you look”

Goes hand in hand with another quote that I love,

“What you see depends mainly on what you look for.”

I know which person I choose to be.

I believe we can look at life through an optimistic lense, or through a pessimistic lense. Whichever lense we CHOOSE to put on, will determine what we see.

This quote is especially true for this season in my life where my kids are really starting to identify and discover who they are. However, I think we also create who we are so it takes some deliberateness. We have been spending a lot of time focusing on this deliberateness and choice — however, everyone is free to make their own choice.

As a parent, it can be soooooo hard to watch. I have often liken being a parent to standing above my children in a tower in a corn field. They are below. They are IN the field. All they can see is tall stalks of corn, with pathways in between. However, they don’t know where those pathways lead. We, as parents, having navigated lots of those same paths (which teenagers are adamant has not happened…) are also standing above on the tower and can see far down those paths— at least far enough to see some paths are deadends; others are filled with opportunity. We are yelling down to say which path will lead them to the opportunity. When they are younger, they often listen! But, as they get older, I guess even though I’m screaming, my voice to them is muted. Of course, that doesn’t stop me from yelling down, but it does mean I have to sit back and just watch them try to navigate around on their own. Let them stumble upon the opportunities and shine, and likewise, sit back as they explore a dead end and let them fall and have to stand up again.

Just as I had to do when I was their age. And just as their children will do when they have them their age (aka payback time).

For now, I can keep arming them with things to think about, ponder, consider, evaluate, experience before they head out for the day in the cornfield. I can help them see how their attitude, their vision, their destiny is really just a choice they make on an hourly basis.

Go the extra mile – it’s never crowded

 In our school system, in the primary and middle schools, they don’t give letter grades.

They give levels: Level 1, 2, 3, 4.

Level 1 is pretty much a fail. Level 2 is a bare minimum pass (but indicates a struggle). Level 3 indicates they have a good grasp of the topic. Level 4 is they have exceeded expecataions.

Since our kids were little, we have used the phrase, “Do more to get a 4.” Whenever our kids have a project, or are doing homework that we know they are not putting in great effort, that is what they hear from us. We have talked about the need for going above and beyond what the bare minimum is. You will gain much more (knowledge wise) out of your efforts, in addition to a better grade.

Isn’t that the truth in everything? In our relationships… how do we feel about people who do the “bare minimum”? Versus how do we feel about people who go “above and beyond? “

I feel the difference. I am SO grateful when I cross the path of someone who “does more.” They usually make such an impact in my life. It is always so appreciated, makes me feel so good, and usually deepens our connection.

Similarly, I feel the difference when I do more. There is a great connection, a greater sense of accomplishment, a greater knowledge, a greater feeling of love and compassion.

But doing that little extra is hard! Time consuming. It takes more energy, more investment, more compassion.

Or does it? Does it take THAT much more for us to go the extra mile?

My challenge to myself and to my family, as well as to YOU…go the extra mile. I think it is always worth it. But maybe put it to the test….